UnTouched
by Ryder24
Summary: Ashley gave into her desires and went for something that she thought she would never want. To Love The Girl. R&R THX
1. Chapter 1

**Hey you guys so here I am already trying to come up with a different storyline. I'm telling you its getting harder and harder to come up with something somebody hasn't written about. Cause I there is alot of storylines that run together and I do not want to have a story that someone would think that I ripped their story off. I'm so not for that. So if I could come up with something, the rest totally just flows off the head and nothing else. **

**Here goes nothing XD **

**UnTouched **

Think what you want but I'm a really good person. I can sit here all day and tell you exactly how I feel about this whole situation but I don't know how good it would do. So I love a girl! Who gives a shit? Oh that's right my family does. My friends do. Ok so they use to be my friends, now I don't have a soul that will even look at me twice whenever I'm around.

How do you go from being a very loved family member or friend to a outcast?

A lepard.

A disease.

I do everything right when it comes to my family. I do what I'm told. I follow pretty much every rule that I have come across.

A freaking goodie goodie.

Yeah I know sad but it's true. I have never wanted anyone to dislike me because of something I was doing. So what did I do? I followed everyone and did the RIGHT thing.

What is RIGHT thing?

Is it being straight and having a boyfriend?

Is it getting a high priced job and getting the big bucks?

I don't know anymore. I literally just want to scream right now but that wouldn't help any either. All it will do is make me more upset that I'm letting this all get to me.

I thought about just keeping things to myself but than it just came out one day and I didn't let it stop there. I told all of my friends that I was in love with this wonderful blonde that I had met in the bookstore. We were in the same section looking up some material for a project. Well I know I was doing a project but as for her I wasn't quite sure. I didn't know exactly what I was feeling at the time but when I saw her it just hit me like a pile of bricks.

I was freaking falling for a chick. Yeah a female gender. The same sex. I know it was all so overwhelming at the time and I just pushed it all away. I pushed away the feelings, and the thoughts. Oh man were there thoughts.

Hahaha.

Yeah...sorry I won't share them. I don't think that would be proper of me.

So I did exactly that and didn't do anything about the situation. Instead I ignored it and went on with my everyday routine. I went to school and than I would go to work right after.

I worked in a cafe. Coffee Haven. It was kind of slow at times but it was a job for the time being. Until I get out of Seattle. I want to go down to California and be where the sun is always shinning. Well that's what I hear from everyone who goes down to California. Personally I wouldn't know because I haven't been out of Washington.

Enough of that crap.

Lets get back to my problem.

So I didn't think that I would see this girl anymore. It was like a one time thing you know, but nooo she had to be there everytime I went back.

I swear she was falling me. So once again my mind went else where and I was totally falling for someone who I didn't know. Someone I had only seen a few times in a bookstore. Who the hell does that? Who falls for someone like that so quick?

Than for the first time she said something to me. She finally came out and talked to me. I was always around but she never seemed to notice me. How nice is she?

"_Do you mind helping me with something?" _I did exactly that. I helped her search for a book and than she left the store.

Yep. I was in trouble.

See I was straight. Well at least I thought I was. I'm pretty sure I am. I don't know. All I know is that I came out to my bestfriend and she pretty much freaked out. Than when she couldn't handle knowing about it she went ahead and told my parent's while she was on her rampage of letting the whole world know that I was into girls. Of course from there my parents kicked me out of the house.

Talk about treating your kid like crap. You're not suppose to do that to your own kid. Right?

So now I am without parents and friends.

I have Aiden though. He works with me at Coffee Haven and when he heard about everything going down he was right there to help a friend in need. I'm renting the other room in his apartment. Aiden graduated last year and is now going to the Community College here in Seattle. His parents pay for his living expensises and all I have to do is pay for food and anything else that Aiden might need me to help with.

He's my lifesaver right now. Without him I would be out on the streets right now.

How did I go from someone who was very much loved for everything I did to being the reject?

All of this because of the blue eyed, blonde girl that I feel for in the local bookstore.

Now all I had to do was get her name.

Sounds easy doesn't.

Wrong. She never says a word unless she is really lost with something and I was so glad that I was there for the time she was. Other wise I would still be clueless about her beautiful voice as well.

Here I am...the outcast and totally head over heals for someone I didn't even know.

This was going to be harder than I thought.

Wish me luck. Oh and by the way. The names Ashley.

**(A/N: Ok so what do you think with the first chpt...I'm trying to get back into the groove of things. I'm still feeling sore with the last two stories that I had open and ya...this is something fresh for right now and I would really like to know your input. I always want to know what is running through ur guys heads when you read any of my stuff. So please leave the love and let me know if this is a keeper. THX)**


	2. Chapter 2

So it's been a week. A very long ass week without seeing my mystery girl and I'm going crazy.

Do you think I'm nuts?

It's kind of like getting hooked on drugs and than when you don't have it anymore you start to have withdrawls. Yeah I know I'm kind of going overboard with this whole thing but I can't help it. If you saw her you would think that same thing. She has even invaded my freaking dreams.

Now I know I'm going nuts.

xoxo

"ASHLEY!" I jumped out of bed so fast that I nearly tripped over my feet. Than of course I would of landed flat on my face and than looked like a total loser. At least I would of been by myself because if someone saw that than it would totally be humiliating.

"What the hell is your deal Aiden?" I walked over to the door opening it up to him as we both stood there with boxers and I had the shirt on. I swear he was really comfortable with wearing hardly anything around me.

Yeah I haven't crossed that line and I don't think I'm going to. Not with Aiden that is. Of course if it was with a blonde that I couldn't stop thinking about than I was down for that.

Shit stop thinking that way Ashley. You don't know her and I doubt she would give half a shit about you. Just drop it.

If only it was that simple.

"What time do I work today?"

You have got to be joking me? He woke me up yelling through my door to ask me what time he went to work today. I dropped my head and swung my brown curls back and forth not really thinking that he was in the right mind to come out and ask me this early in the morning.

"Aiden for the last time...I am not your day planner! I do not know when you go in and come out of work. Please think of that before you coming yelling through my door at 6 in the morning."

Aiden smiled at me and than walked away yelling something.

"Ashley your hilarious in the morning and you look terrible."

Aww wasn't he sweet. I shot back at him.

"Trust me you're not the perfect view in the morning either." I slammed my door shut and I went back to my comfy bed. Aww I love this bed. I was kind of shocked that my parents let me take most of the furniture out of my room. Hey they had to because that would of been twice as wrong if they didn't let me walk out of the house with my own things.

I miss them.

I miss waking up to breakfast in the morning and actually having a sit down dinner with the people I love. I guess there's no going back to that now is there. Not unless they understand that I am who I am and I'm not going to stop being me just because they don't approve of it.

They probably already figured that I would go back to being just lil ol' me because they got all mad and they knew I hated disapointing them.

Nope. Not going to do it anymore. I'm not going to make everyone else happy while I'm sitting here being miserable.

xoxo

That morning I was late for class. I blamed it on Aiden.

So I walked into class as if I wasn't late at all and all I heard was this screeching noise coming from the front of the classroom.

"Excuse me Miss Davies! Where have you been?"

Please someone tell the woman that she really needed to speak to a student and not yell at them. To top it off her voice was so damn annoying. You would so ask for a transfer from her class if you had her.

"I didn't have a great morning." I told her as I took my seat in the back of the room.

"Well I'm sure that there's a few of us who didn't have a good morning Miss Davies but we still got here on time." Ughhh! Can she piss me off anymore?

I rolled my eyes and than went back to getting my things out of my bag.

"She was probably with her girlfriend this morning."

That would be the ex-bestfriend.

Madison Duarte.

The one who couldn't handle me coming out to her and than decided that she needed to tell my parents. Who the hell does that type of stuff? Couldn't she just leave it alone? If she didn't want to be my friend anymore than ok but she didn't have to go and come out to my parents for me.

Now that was wrong.

"How do you know that Madison? Were you there with us? Were you watching us make out? Come on Madison speak up because I'm sure that the whole class wants to know if you were hanging out with the lesbian or not."

Madison sat there with her mouth shut and the rest of the class was either looking at me because they couldn't believe that I came out and said those things. Than the other half were looking at Madison waiting for her responce.

"Go to hell Davies." That was her comeback.

LAME!

"See you there Duarte." I sat back in my seat and smiled.

That's what she gets for trying to make me look like a freak. I swear how we stayed bestfriends for so long is beyond me. I guess I really found out who was there for me and who wasn't. Which at this point is only Aiden.

xoxo

School was nothing but crap like always. I got called tons of names and I just either gave them the finger and walked away or I would actually walk up to them. Of course most of them would scurry away like the chicken shits that they are and I wouldn't have to worry about them anymore. Well at least for the day that is.

Work came soon.

Yay.

This is the fun part of the day for me. I actually feel like I can be just me here and no one will judge me for who I am. Than again most of the people didn't know me so that was another factor of it. Unless I got the lame ass students from my high school who like to give me hell but other than that I was good for the time being.

Aiden was already here when I came after school. Slaving away doing nothing like always.

Of course he would come out and tell me that he had just finished everything before I walked in.

Ya right.

xoxo

"Has it been slow?" I asked Aiden as I was making a coffee for one of regular customers. It was this older lady who got the same thing every day.

"Pretty much. Just a few students from the college but other than that no one really."

I finished up the order and went back to stocking a few things that needed to be done out in the sitting area and than I heard that voice. It came out of nowhere. Actually it came from the front of the coffee shop.

My head jerked up when I heard her voice and there she was. The blonde that I've dreamt about almost every night since I first saw her in the bookstore.

The way her hair hung off her shoulders made me want to touch it. The way she smiled when someone was telling her something funny. Her blues eyes sparkle at you whenever you talk to her.

"Excuse me."

How she warms your whole body up when she speaks to you. Her body had all the right curves and not a flaw on her. Where was this girl from?

"Excuse me."

"Yes how can I help you." I snapped out of it when I heard Aidens voice right next to me.

When did he get right next to me? Was she talking to me before? How long was I day dreaming? Did she notice the goofy smile on my face?

"Yeah we were just wondering what was good here?" I looked at Aiden and I looked back at my angel. I still hadn't found my voice and it was really annoying me.

How could one person have this type of affect on me?

The girls followed Aiden over to the front counter and told them what was good while I stood there with a rag in my hand and a dumb founded look on my face.

No more than a few minutes later they were gone.

She was out of my store and I didn't even say a word to her.

"What was that about?" Aiden was standing in front of me and all I could do was stand there looking at the front door where she walked through and walked out of.

I let her get away without even so much as a word out of me.

"That was her." I finall shot out.

"Her?" I swear how he was making it in school was beyond me.

"HER!" I told him as I stared directly at him.

"OH! Than why didn't you say anything? She was right there in front of you."

No duhh sherlock. Gees.

I was now officially kicking myself.

She was here. In my store. Right in front of me. Talking with me.

What did I do?

Nothing.

"You know I know her friend. She has a class with me." I looked at Aiden like he was my key into this girls life.

I was going to get her and he was going to help me.

**(A/N:Sorry for the delay...I had most of this already written but than I went away for the holidays and didnt get back until Monday night. Sorry please forgive me. I hope u liked it as well...so you know what to do and leave the love :) I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving)**


	3. Chapter 3

This was great.

This was perfect.

I finally had a way to get to see her when I wanted to. Or at least try to see her. Maybe Aiden could date her friend and than like mention it to my future girlfriend (yeah I know I'm stretching alittle but a girl can dream right) and we could all hang out.

That sounds like a plan to me.

xoxo

"No Ashley." He was not being cooperative with me at all. He's suppose to say yes to these things.

"Come on Aiden. You need to ask her out and than we could all hangout. Doesn't that sound like a great idea?" I smiled big at him hoping that would win him over.

"No, because I'm going out with Desiree right now and I don't want to ruin things with this one." Nope it didn't win him over.

This one!

What happened with Monica last week? Or Tonya the other week? What about them? He couldn't keep a girlfriend and he knew it. He was just being a pain in my ass that's all.

"So you're not going to help me out?" I stood there in front of him as we were in the kitchen making something to eat. Personally I really haven't had an appetite due to the fact that I couldn't even budge my mouth open when she talked to me.

You know I need to find out her name. This was really starting to bug me that I didn't even know what her name was.

"Well I can talk to her friend but I'm not going to ask her out." I guess that was a start right. Beggars can't be choosers.

"If that's all you can do than I suppose that will have to be enough for me. So what did you think of her? She's beautiful isn't she?" I stood there and followed him as he took his plate of food into the living room to sit down and watch some TV I was guessing. I think he said something about a fight being on tonight. Guy stuff you know.

"Yeah she was hott."

There he goes with his male status. A girl is always hot or not. Never could she be beautiful or pretty.

Nope.

Hot.

Oh well it's just Aiden so I'm not really worring about that. But if he so much as makes a move on her he is a dead dog. That's right I will not even have any of that shit. Especially since I can't stop thinking about her.

xoxo

That next day I was sitting in the bookstore wondering if I was going to see my Angel today. I know that she can't always come in here like me but hey I can wish right.

Right after school I didn't have work today so I went right where I knew that I would want to be. The place that I wanted her to be at.

Please let her be here.

I walked around with coffee in my hand and tried not to let my heart jump out of my chest just in case she was here. Hey I couldn't help it that I was completely stuck on this girl.

I grabbed my book out of my bag and sat down at my table.

Yes I have a table. Don't hate on me just because I like to hang out here alot. It's my home away from home.

"Hey Ashley. How's everything going?" I looked up and it was Erica who works here at the bookstore. She's always working when I come into the store to just read. Sometimes I find it quite easy to talk about what's going on in my life at the time. As you know I don't have that many friends anymore when it comes to having someone to talk to.

"Hey Erica. It's ok I guess. Nothing really entertaining just me right now."

"Yeah I know that feeling. Hey I forgot to tell you about that girl you've been wanting to talk to lately."

My head shot up and I wanted to know everything that she had to say to me about her. Please tell me something that I want to know.

"You mean the gorgeous blonde?"

"That's the one." She smiled at me big because she could see that I was getting very excited that she actually had some information on her.

Yep. I'm giddy right now.

"She came in the other day. I was kind of hoping you would of came in too so you could see her but you didn't."

Damn it!

"Well she put a book on order."

Your point would be? I sat there not knowing where she was going with this and than I knew.

Her name.

"Oh My God. You have her name!" I had a cheesy ass smile on my face and I knew that my luck was changing.

"Oh yeah I do. It's actually a interesting name."

Your talking about my woman there. Watch it.

"Spencer."

"Spencer?" Hmm cute. I can definitely see myself dating a Spencer. Oh yeah!

"Hey that's a cute name. I really like it."

"Of course you would. You kind of have a thing for the girl." She walked away from me laughing. Did I mention that there was times that she could really get on my nerves? Well she can and she does.

xoxo

"Her name is Spencer!" I yelled out when I came barging into the door of the apartment so Aiden would hear me when I got there.

I went walking through the living room and he wasn't there. I went walking towards our rooms and I knocked on his door.

"Aiden. AIDEN!"

"WHAT!" Hahaha. I finally got his ass back. Teach him to come to my door anymore in the morning to bug the shit out of me.

"I found out her name." I had a big grin on my face as he opened up the door to his room as he stood there rubbing his eyes together. I swear he was such a baby.

"Good for you Ashley. Now can I go back to bed please. I kind of have company."

Oh you have got to be kidding me. He brought his date home. I'm so glad I missed anything that might or might not have happened. Do not need to hear that shit.

"Fine. Fine. I'll let you get back to your date." I walked away from his door and he makes a comment towards me.

"I'll get some more information for you on Monday in class ok." I knew that he was trying to help me out in any possible and I was really glad that he was being a friend to me.

I miss those days. When I would have something on my mind and I would be able to just talk about it with my friends and not have to worry about them caring about who I was liking at the time. Of course it all changed when the scenario had changed and I was talking about liking a girl.

A girl.

The girl that I've been dreaming about since I had first set my eyes on her. She's beautiful in every way.

You know how when you first set eyes on someone or when you talk to them for the first time you know in a instint that you want to know everything about them. That you would give up anything to be with them.

I was feeling all of that and I wanted everything with Spencer. I just hope that I'm not to late and she's not already taken. That would brake my heart.

Now I have to wait this whole weekend thinking of Spencer and what is to come. My mind is going to go crazy.

**(A/N: What can I say other than this Xmas break was a very long one and I really wish that my comp had worked than I would of written a few chpts. If I still got readers than awesome you guys rock...and if not that's ok too. I'll try to have more up but please dont be upset if it takes some time. I write at work and it takes some time. So bare with me. Much love to all and I really hope that everyones Holiday was great. **

**You know what to do. Leave the love :)**


	4. Chapter 4

The weekend was nothing but a big blur for me. I seriously can't remember what I was doing on Saturday. All I could think of was that wonderful Sunday morning in the bookstore.

Where I saw her. Where I got to talk to her. Where I grew more and more in love with her.

I don't know what this hold she has on me but it is definitely something that I did not want to go away. She makes my heart do jumps when I see her.

Could it be love?

It's to soon, right? How can you love someone if you know nothing about them?

Easy, you just do. You can't explain it. It just happens and when it does you better hang on because it is going to be the ride of a lifetime.

_Sunday morning _

_I sat in the bookstore on one of the chairs reading my latest book and drinking my coffee like I do every Sunday morning now that I knew that Spencer could show up at anytime. _

_I was finally out of the house because I had desided to stay home yesterday and that was big mistake. All I did was sit around the house wishing that I had something to do or someone to talk to. Usually I would be over Madisons house on a Saturday but we all know that's not going to happen anytime soon. _

_So as I was saying...I was sitting in the bookshop loving my book and really getting into it too when someone sits across from me. At first I just didn't think one thing about it until I glanced up to grab my coffee I saw her there. Spencer was sitting in the chair right across from me and I didn't know it until now. I swear I think I stopped breathing. _

_Before I knew it she was looking up right at me. _

_Ok you're good Ashley. Just breathe and say hi to her. Start up a conversation and everything will be good. _

_"You work at Coffee Haven right?" Damn she started it first. _

_"Uhh...Umm...Ya. You remember?" I was kind of shocked that she had remembered anything about me. She smiled big at me when I asked her that and I thought her smile was the best thing that I have ever seen. I swear I didn't know how she did it but she sure made me feel so good inside. _

_"Yeah I remember how you looked when I was asking you a question. Like you were a deer caught in headlights. It was kind of cute." _

_She's flirting! That's flirting, right?I smiled huge when she called me cute and for the rest of the time that we were having our small conversation it never left my lips. _

_Spencer and I talked about our day and everything that you would think that someone can talk about for the first time getting to know you. We didn't go into personal stuff but we did talk about life in general. I loved everything that came pouring out of mouth. _

_Mmm I wanted to kiss those lips. _

_Hold her hand. _

_Feel her body- _

_"Ashley!" Oh shit I got lost for a second there. Oops. _

_"Oh sorry. What did you say?" I tried to get my brain off of all that other stuff and back to real life. _

_"Do you work today?" _

_"No I don't. I work the weekend and than on the weekends I have them off." _

_"That works out good." _

_"Yeah it does. Especially with school. I need time to do my homework and study." _

_"So you go to the college?" _

_I really wish that I did so I could be there with you and always get to have these conversations with you. _

_"No. I'm actually a senior at Franklin High." Spencer looked down at her book for a second and than back up at me. Did I see a frown on her face or something? I know I can't be that younger than her and besides what's age got to do with it. _

_"Do you go to the College?" I desided to ask her more questions. Instead of going into my life for right now. _

_"Yeah this is my second year there." _

_Wow maybe she was a little more older than me. But not by that much. Well that's what I'm hoping for. _

_"That's cool." _

_Right when I was about to go into ask her about her classes my mom walks through the front door of the bookstore. Of all the bookstores in Seattle she had to come walking through the doors of this one. _

_Our eyes caught eachother and for the brief second I felt like exactly like I did when she kicked me out of the house. She looked at me with such discust and it killed me inside. How could you not want to love your child? How could you let something as little as who I love change how you feel about your child? _

_You're suppose to love them unconditionally. You're suppose to be there for them through everything that they go through and try to help them out. No matter what. _

_Instead I get the parent's who hate me for it and make me feel like I was never borned. _

_I hate this so much. _

_"Are you ok Ashley?" _

_I wish I could tell her yes and be ok but I'm not. _

_"Not really Spencer. I'm going to get going." _

_"Did I say something?" _

_"No, it's not you Spencer. I just have alot of things going on right now that I wish would just go away and be ok but they aren't." _

_"Would you like to talk about them?" I looked up at her and with the look in her eyes I felt like I could open up about everything but I didn't want to go into it right now. Especaially since we barely started talking with eachother today. She didn't need to get mixed up in my drama. _

_"Thanks but I kind of have to deal with this on my own." I grabbed my jacket and my coffee with my book in my other arm and looked at her as she stands up with me. _

_"Well here's my number. If you ever need to talk or anything you want to get off your chest you can talk to me. If you want that is." Spencer pulled out a piece of paper and than quickly wrote down her number on it. I couldn't believe that she was actually writing down her number and giving it to me. She hardly knew me but here she was giving it to me as if she had known me for awhile now. _

_"Thanks." _

_"I'll be at the bookstore Wednesday night. Just in case you might want to do this again." _

_Do what again? Hangout and talk like we were doing? I would like that ver much. _

_"That sounds really good." She smiled at me and she made me melt again. _

_"Well I have fun Ashley." _

_"Me too. So I guess I will see you later than." I told her as I was walkng away. _

_"Ya. See you later." Spencer said as I was walking towards the front door. _

_I was literally on cloud nine that whole day. Nothing and no one could take that moment away from me. _

It was Monday afternoon and I was already at the coffee shop waiting for Aiden to walk through the door so I could tell him everything that happened yesterday at the bookstore. I didn't have a chance to see him at all until today, so now I was just jumping out of my skin to tell him the great news.

Of course when he walks in all he does is squash on my parade.

"I have such great news!" I yelled at him as he came in the back to put his stuff away. Aiden looked at me and than continued to put his stuff away.

"Will you please pay attention to me because I have some news that will shock the hell out of you."

Right as I was about to spill my guts he comes at me with something that destroyed me.

"She has a fiance." My smile faded and my heart broke.

Spencer was getting married and she didn't even mention it one time that we were talking.

I felt so dumb. I felt like a fool and knew that this was over with and it never even got to start.

**(A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews...it was good to hear from everyone who read and for the ones who didn't review thanks for reading as well. I'll try to have one up for the weekend...stay tune. Well leave the love and tell me what you thought. Thanks again)**


	5. Chapter 5

Please just take a gun and put me out of my misery right now.

Ok I'm being overdramatic right now but I seriously can not believe that she was already going to get married. Not that she can't be getting married but the thought that we won't be able to get to know eachother better was killing me in so many ways.

I guess I was going to have to settle at being her friend. But I didn't want to be just her friend. I wanted to be more than that. I wanted to get to know all of her.

Aiden just had to kill my dreams with telling me what he found out from her friend. He couldn't come out and tell me that she was falling for me instead.

Guys suck!

xoxo

"So what else did her friend say?" I asked Aiden as we were sitting there not doing much just restocking for the next morning. It was almost time to close up so I was ready to get home and fall into despair.

"Her fiances name is Jason Hudson."

Cause I care about her fiances name. I could give a crap about his name.

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Sorry but you asked what else she had said."

"I'm sure you know that I didn't want to know anything about him. I just want to know everything about her. Even though I'm sure that I won't get to know everything about her. Not anymore."

I walked away from Aiden and I was going to the front door to lock up. Just as I was about to turn the key I look up and Spencer is standing there with her friend knocking on the door. With just one look at her I had forgot everything that Aiden had just told me and in a second she was smiling at me all over again.

Without even thinking I opened the door to the both of them and they walked in.

"Are you closing up Ashley?"

Yes.

"No. What can I get you?" I can't help it she does something to me that I can't say no to her. When they both walked over to the counter I locked the door behind them and I walked over to them.

"Hey Ashley!" Aiden came from the back and stopped once he saw Spencer and her friend standing there at the counter.

"Oh. We have someone here. I thought we were closing up?"

I shot him a look as he took the hint and shutted up quickly. Damn could he be anymore dence.

"Not right now. Spencer and her friend-"

"Nicole." I looked at her as she said her name with a smile as she cutted me off.

"Nicole." I repeated. "Wants something to drink."

"Ok. What can I get you ladies?" Aiden took their order and I just went on with cleaning the tables in the cafe. Aidens words were starting to sink into my brain that Spencer was getting married and I didn't really want to conversate with her right now even though that was all I wanted to do.

"How are you doing today?" I looked up and Spencer was standing there in front of me with her smile. Why did she have to be so beautiful and perfect?

"Umm, it's going." I looked away from her and continued to clean the tables.

"Is something wrong?" I stopped and when I looked at her this time she seemed like she was worried about me. Like she would care about me. She was getting married to a guy so I know that she didn't give a shit about me.

"I just got some bad news today that's all."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I know that it's short notice but tomorrow night Nicole and I were going to go to the movies and wanted to know if you would like to go with us."

Was she asking me to go to the movies with her? Well with her and her friend but still she was asking me nonetheless.

What do I say?

"If you can't than it's ok. I know that it's short notice but I thought you might like to hang out with us."

Hell yes I would love to hang out with you.

"No that's fine. I get off of work tomorrow at 8 so if that's ok."

"Yeah that's perfect. The movie doesn't start until 9 so we could probably get something to eat before the movie."

I was literally loving the fact that she wanted to hangout with me.

Can you say Jason, who?

"Sounds good." I told her with a smile on my face and I quickly looked down at my hands because I'm sure that I was blushing and looking like an idiot at the same time.

"Ok. Call me tomorrow and I'll let you know everything that is going on ok."

Call her? Oh my gosh I had to actually use her number and talk with her on the phone. I think I'm going to die. Or hyperventilate. Which ever comes first.

"Ok."

"Alright. Talk with you later." Nicole came walking over to us with Spencers coffee in her hand and had a smile on her face.

"So we all going to the movies tomorrow night?" She asked as she handed Spencer the coffee.

"Yep. Ashley wants to go." Oh you have no idea.

"We should have a fun time." Nicole said as she wouldn't stop smiling.

I of course was smiling at Spencer. Not that she would notice but I wasn't going to think about that right now. Instead I was going to think about the fact that I was going to go to the movies with her tomorrow night and I was going to be able to sit with her in a dark room.

Oh yeah I was about to hyperventalate.

xoxo

"Ashleys got a date. Ashleys got a date."

"SHUT UP AIDEN!!!" It was Tuesday morning and I was dying already. I couldn't sleep the night before and I was just thinking about the moment that I pick up the phone and talk with her about the plans tonight.

"So why didn't you tell me ahead of time that you talked with Spencer Sunday morning? When I saw you too talking at the cafe last night I was shocked that she was talking to you, let alone know your name." This was true. I hadn't told Aiden about me talking with Spencer or even seeing my mother in the bookstore that morning before because when he came out and told me that she was getting married I pretty much forgot everything good that had happened to me. So instead here I was getting ready for school and telling him the play by play of that morning at the bookstore.

"Sorry you threw me off guard when you came out and told me about Spencer. I pretty much didn't care about anything anymore."

"Your so sensitive."

"And you're a asshole. Hmm we even out. Now as I was saying. Spencer came into the bookstore and ended up sitting in front of me as I sat there reading. I of course was shocked as hell that she wanted to sit in front of me-"

"That's cause she wants you." I looked directly at him and I wanted to slap him so badly.

"Will you let me finish. Damn you're getting on my nerves this morning. ANYWAYS, as I was saying we started to talk and right when I thought everything was going great my mom walked into the bookstore." Aiden sat there at the table shocked like I was when I saw her.

"Did she say anything?"

"No she didn't. I think she thought Spencer was my girlfriend or something. As quick as she walked into the store she walked right out."

"How can your mom be like that?" I wish I new the answer to that. What I would give to be able to tell her about all of this about Spencer. How much I would love to have our Saturday breakfast together. I guess it wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

"I don't know." I went back to looking at the floor and was starting to feel like crap again. I shook it off and continued with the store.

"Well after that lovely family reunion I ended up weirding out and told Spencer that I had to leave. I didn't feel like much of talking after that."

"Wow. Ashley ran out on Spencer. What did Spencer say?"

"She gave me her number." A huge smile appeared on my face and Aiden had one as well.

"Hahaha. Ashley got the number, way to go! So have you called her yet?"

"No not yet. I'm suppose to today. She wants to let me know everything that is going to happen tonight."

"You excited?"

"Hell yes! I can't believe that I'm actually hanging out with the one girl I came out for. This is so crazy."

xoxo

I ended up calling Spencer after school and we talked for a little bit. She told me that she would pick me up at work and we could head over to the diner down the street for dinner.

So here I am looking at the clock and I was almost done with the night and I was so excited that I was going to hang out with Spencer. This was going to be a great night.

xoxo

"Is she here yet?" Aiden asked me as I was staring at the clock.

"She should be here." Right when I was talking Spencer came walking into the front door with Nicole and a guy.

A guy! I didn't know that there was someone else coming with us.

Oh please do not tell me that that was her fiance. I'm so not going now!

Nope!

**(A/N: Hey you guys...thanks so much for the reviews...it was awesome to hear from everyone and so glad u like it all! :) So yeah sry it took forever but my comp is out right now so I couldn't post until tonight only cuz I'm using the comp at the library. So bare with me!! Well tell me what you think...plz leave the love!!)**


	6. Chapter 6

I wasn't here to hang out with Spencer I was here to hang out with Nicole.

Every since they had picked me up at the cafe Spencer hasn't said much to me. On the other hand Nicole has been talking to me nonstop. Don't get me wrong she is a sweet girl and really pretty but I was really hoping to hang and get to know Spencer better.

Instead I was there to entertain Nicole.

A petite girl, with long brown hair, and about the same height as me. If I wasn't so into Spencer I would think about talking with her.

xoxo

"So Ashley, Spencer tells me that you hang out at the bookstore like she does?" Hmm she's been talking about me. That's a good sign. Right?

"Yeah I do. Mostly over the weekend because I'm really busy with school and work during the week." I was getting annoyed that he was talking with me when I could careless what he had to say.

"Yeah sometimes I can't even get Spencer to leave that place." I sat across the couple in the booth at the diner with Nicole next to me. Jason kissed Spencer and it made me sick to my stomach.

This was way to much for me. I didn't need to see this. Not when I wanted to be the person kissing her.

I was so glad when our food showed up because I didn't know how much more I could stand to see them make out.

"How do you like your food?" Nicole asked me as I was taking a bite of my burger. Good timing.

"Sorry. I guess my timing came at the wrong time." She asked as I smiled at her and thought she really was a cutie. As soon as I finished my bite I answered her.

"I like it. Thank you."

"Your welcome. So you and Aiden share a apartment together?"

"Yeah we do. He's a sweetheart. Sometimes." We both laughed at the comment.

"Yeah I believe that all guys are like that at times. Other times they just get on your last nerve." That was so true. Well with all the guys that I've dated .

"HEY!" Jason spoke up because apparently he was listening to our conversation.

Nicole laughed and I wanted to but I kept it to myself.

"Just because you like woman doesn't mean that you have to go and put the male sex down."

NICOLE WAS INTO WOMEN!

That's what this was about. Why would she assume that I was too? I haven't said anything and I never said anything to Spencer.

AIDEN.

Uhh he was so going to get it when I get home.

As soon as Jason made that comment about Nicole she was looking at my face to see what kind of expression I would make. I ignored it and went on with eatting my burger.

xoxo.

Spencer convinced us all to go and see Marley and Me. I had heard that it was a cute movie so I was ok with the selection. Of course Jason being the guy that he is made a comment about it.

_It's a chick flick. _

_No self respecting guy would go and see this movie. _

Than go home so I could sit with your girlfriend. Ughhh please tell me why we brought him along.

I decided to sit on the outside of all of them because I don't know if I would be able to control myself from hitting Jason whenever he would go to kiss Spencer. So I chose to sit with Nicole next to me and Spencer next to her.

I sat there not really knowing what to say so I glanced at my phone and was going through my pictures remembering all of my bestfriends. Well use to be bestfriends that is. Do you know how hard it is to be the outcast and not have anyone who once loved you now hate you?

"Is that your girlfriend?" Nicole was leaning over towards me looking at the picture on the screen. She so just brought that up so she could get info on me. Nicole was a sweetheart so I let her in. I do need friends. I don't have many of those anymore.

"No. Madison was my bestfriend."

"Was?"

"When I told her that I was falling for a girl she freaked out and stopped talking to me. Than she did something that ruined me and my family." I stopped talking because I was really on the verge of crying at that point. I swear I hate reliving this all.

"You ok Ash." Nicole touched my arm and I looked down at her hand on me. I shook it off and I nodded my head letting her know that I was ok.

"She outted me to my parents and they kicked me out of the house and pretty much told me that I wasn't their daughter anymore."

Nicoles face said it all. Her jaw hung open and she looked like I did when Madison told them. If anything I was hurt that my parents would think so wrong of their own daughter.

Of their flesh and blood. Instead I got treated like they never had a daughter at all.

"I'm so sorry that you had to go through that Ashley." It was quiet for a second and than Nicole started talking again.

"So is that why you share a apartment with Aiden?"

"Yeah pretty much. I met him when I started working at the cafe and he's had my back ever since everything went down at home. If it wasn't for him I don't really know what I would do."

"Do you miss them?"

"Everyday."

That was the last thing that I said to Nicole before the movie started. The whole time I sat there thinking about the events that had brought me right to this very moment sitting next to Nicole as I was falling for her bestfriend. If I thought about it enough it seemed like it was all a dream and I was going to wake up and be back at home in my bed. Instead it was all so real and very hard for me to deal with at times.

xoxo

"Ashley I'm so glad that you came with us tonight." Spencer said as I stood there a little mad that now she chooses to say something to me as if I had barely got there with them. We were standing outside about a couple of feet away from my apartment and Jason was sitting in the car with Nicole.

"Thanks for inviting me. I had fun."

"You know I think Nicole likes you." Spencer was smiling at me and I was looking towards the car where Nicole was sitting in the back waving bye to me. I smiled and waved back at her.

"She's really nice. I'm just not sure that I want to be in a relationship right now."

"Aiden did say that you were crushing on someone."

Damn could he say anymore shit about my life! I was pissed now! Beyond pissed!

"Something like that."

"Well if that doesn't work out than I think that you and Nicole would workout perfectly. She won't stop talking about you." I couldn't believe that I was talking about this with Spencer when she was the one that I wanted to get to know. She was the one that I was crushing on.

"Well with the way things are looking right now I doubt that anything is going to be happening with me and that other girl."

"Why is that?"

"She's seeing someone else and I know that things would just be more difficult for the both of us."

"I'm sorry to hear that. But like I said Nicole is a great friend and would love to get to know you better."

"We'll see." Gees I really wish she would stop trying to push us together. It will happen on it's own if anything is going to happen at all.

I started to walk towards my apartment.

"Will I see you tomorrow at the bookstore?" I had totally forgot that we had came out and said that we would meet on Wednesday. More time to fall for her when I know I won't even get a chance. That's all I need.

"I should be able to make it. I'll call you if I'm not able to."

"Alright Ash. Talk to you later." Not only was Nicole calling me Ash but now Spencer was calling me it as well.

"Godnight." I watched Spencer walk away from me to the car and I walked up to my apartment ready to kill Aiden. He was going to get a beating from me.

xoxo

"ASHLEY STOP!" Ever since I walked through the front door I have been swatting him on the arm with my purse. I could not believe that he had came out and told Nicole all that stuff about me. Did he not have any idea what she was doing while asking all these questions about me?

Nevermind. Of course he didn't.

"I swear I didn't think anything about it. I thought that it would be good to get that info out their so she could tell Spencer about you. I didn't think that the girl had a thing for you." I stopped swatting him and I went straight to my room. I didn't want to deal with this anymore. I was to tired and I needed to get some sleep.

Please let sleep come fast. I need to sleep on all of this. That's all I need is sleep. I'll be better in the morning.

Hopefully.

**(A/N: So you guys are great...thanks so much for the comments...they are awesome to get. Well I got to get to the gym now but thx again and be sure to plz leave the love. :)**


	7. Chapter 7

That next morning I was dragging my ass out of bed and wishing that I didn't stay up that long thinking about everything that had happened that evening.

I swear school just gets in the way and I can't wait until it is out of the way and I don't have to deal with is anymore. Well until I head over to the college. But at least than I can plan out my classes and I don't have to be getting up butt crack of dawn to get to my classes.

xoxo

"Lesbian approaches." As if my day couldn't get any better I have to hear her annoying ass voice in the morning. I stopped and I looked directly at her. As I walked towards her she looked as if she was going to be ready for me but I knew that Madison was always a wimp when it came to fighting. She wouldn't be able to stand to fight against me and she knew it.

"I know you Madison and I know that I could kick your ass if I wanted too but I'm not going to stoop to your level. If you have a problem with me being a lesbian than deal with it because I'm not going to have all your bullshit when I come into school. Do you hear me?"

Madison stood there with Chery who always got on my nerves but I never really said anything about her because Madison was my bestfriend.

_Was_ being the main word there.

"What ever Ashley just stay away from me."

"Are you afraid your going to catch something?" I smiled at her because I thought that it was funny how rediculous she was acting about this all.

"No." She tried to sound confident in her answer. She wasn't really good at it.

"Right. What ever gets you through the day Madison." Chery stood there not saying a word and it was good that she wasn't because I would of told her where to go. I will not put up with her shit. Madison I could handle because I was use to her being the way that she is where as in Chery she was nothing to me.

I walked away from the both of them and made it over to my locker before I had to get to class.

xoxo

"Miss Davies your wanted in the office." Mrs. Taylor told me as I was sitting in the back of class just trying to get through the day.

Hmm I wonder what they wanted me for. I grabbed my things and I made my way over to the office.

Once I made it into the office I stood there looking at the ladies in the office sitting at their desks on the computers.

Do they do anything else other than sitting at the computer?

Doubt it.

"Excuse me." I spoke up because no one was paying any attention to me as I stood there waiting for them.

One of the ladies looked up and walked over to me.

"They said that I had to come up here."

"Yes Miss Davies your dad is in the office with the principal."

Did she just say my dad? As in the parent who didn't do anything when I came out and instead let everything happen to me when mom kicked me out of the house.

What was he doing here?

"Do you know what's it about?" Just as she was going to respond to me the door to Mr. Palmers Office opened up and my dad came walking out with him following right behind him.

Dad looked right at me and I stood there not really knowing if I should say something or just ignore him like he did with me.

"Miss Davies your father has some important information for you. You two can use my office to talk." Oh great I have to be in a room with dad.

I walked around the counter and I made my way into the office and my dad followed right after me. I turned around and looked right at him with my arms crossed.

"How are you doing?" Now he gives a damn about me.

"Fine."

I wasn't going to act like I cared what he had to say to me because I was hurting that he had did everything that happened to me.

"What have you been doing?"

"What do you want to tell me dad? Because I need to get back to class." Dad placed his hands in his pants and I knew that there was something on his mind. It had to be something big because I doubt he would be here if it wasn't.

"I miss having you at the house. Your mother has been going livid with you not around and she had went off when she saw you at the library with some girl. She wouldn't shut up about it but all I wanted was to see my little girl again. I knew that I had to come and see you so I talked with the Mr. Palmer and told him that I needed to have a important conversation with me."

"Why did you let her kick me out of the house dad?" One of the main questions that I've wanted to ask him ever since this all happened.

"You know your mother has her own way and I just went along with it."

"I'm your kid dad! If you didn't approve of it than you should of stepped up and said something about it. Instead you stood there and let her do all of this. You let it happen, so you can live with it."

I left that office fast and I didn't look back at him when he called my name. I wasn't going to hear his crap when it was his fault for letting her kick me out of the house. If he gave a damn than he would of told her no and let me stay right where I was.

I found myself in the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror and I was hurting so bad. Why couldn't he just stay away from me? I was doing so good with not having to deal with seeing the people who threw me out of my house.

I'm not going to let him get to me. I'm not going to fall apart.

The tears came and I felt like such a failure. I came out to be with a girl who is getting married and it makes me wonder if I should of just kept everything to myself so I didn't have to go through all of this shit. Everything would be good right now. I wouldn't be going through all of this pain for someone who didn't even see me the way that I saw her.

xoxo

I sat in the cafe trying to get my mind off of today and kept myself busy with the costomers there.

"I have a date tonight Ashley. So if you hear something don't coming running into the room."

Eww he was so sick.

"Don't worry I'll be sure to stay in my little cave for the night." I went back to cleaning the counters.

"Are you doing ok?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." I didn't look at him and went back to cleaning.

Aiden didn't say anything else after that. Instead we stayed quiet for the rest of the night and I was ok with that. I didn't really want to talk about anything right now.

xoxo

"Hey Ash." Spencer greeted me as soon as I walked through the front door of the bookstore. I gave her a smile and for that second I felt ok about my day. She made me feel better in some way when I see her. I'm just glad she wasn't here with her fiance. That would of set me off that's for sure.

I looked towards Erica as she sat there behind the counter and I said hi.

"How long has she been here?"

"The last hour. She asked about you when she walked through the door. I told her that you wouldn't be getting here until after nine."

"Dang. Ok."

I walked over to Spencer and I sat down on the chair. It felt good to just sit. The day just took everything out of me. I looked up at Spencer and she smiled so big at me.

Now I knew why I came out and why I was falling for her. She was so great and I wanted her to how she made me feel but that wasn't going to happen. Not now, and maybe not ever.

**(A/N: Hey you guys I'm running errans today so please forgive me if there are errors im rushing to get this out today for you guys...thanks again for the reviews they are all great...and for the drama in Ashleys life...things always change so give it time. So do what you do the best...leave the love :)**


	8. Chapter 8

"How long have Jason and you been together?" I figured that if I was going to stay friends with Spencer than I better make an effort in knowing everything about her.

If she was going to get married than I rather have her in my life as a friend. I've gotten too attached to her that I couldn't lose her now.

"We've been together for a little over a year now. He asked me to marry him on our one year anniversary. I didn't think that I ever wanted to get married but I knew that I loved him. It's funny too though because my mom acts like she loves him more than me."

That's sad.

Hmm is it me or did she sound hesitant when she was talking about her fiance. Almost like she wasn't sure if she wanted to marry him in the beginning.

Nope, I was not going to get my hopes up. There was no point considering she was now telling me her wedding plans.

"So I was thinking of having pink with chocolate brown. Does that sound good?"

I'm sorry but do I look like a good person to ask these questions to? Why was she involving me? Shouldn't she be talking to Nicole about this all.

I sat there with my water and book sitting on my lap thinking of when I should come out and tell her that I need to get home. I was tired and with all of this talk about the wedding it was starting to bug me.

"Well I guess I should be getting home?" I started to pack my book in my bag and Spencer sat up as I did.

"So soon. I thought that we were having a good time talking." Why did it seem like she didn't want me to leave? Of course I didn't want to leave but I knew that I couldn't handle listening to all of the wedding plans.

"Sorry but I got school and work tomorrow and I'm really exhausted." I looked over at Spencer and she was looking down at her magazine as if she was trying to play off that she was ok with me leaving. Something was up with her. Ever since I got here she has been clingy. Don't get me wrong I'm fine with that because that meant I got to be around her more but she wasn't acting right.

"Have you called Nicole?" She's so stalling.

"No I haven't. There wasn't that much time in my day to give her a call."

"I think that you should definitely give her a call. She wanted to come and hang out with us today but she had to close up at her job."

"Yeah. I'll give her a call tomorrow and see how everything is going."

"Do you like her Ashley?" Ok I was barely getting to know her the other night when we were at the movies. How was I suppose to know if I like her or not?

"I barely even know her Spencer and besides I'm still kind of hung up on that other girl."

"Tell me about her." I put my bag down and sat back into the chair.

I sat across from Spencer and I thought about everything that makes me smile about her. What makes me want to see her every second of the day. Just the thought of all of the things in my head brought a big smile to my face.

"She's really beautiful. She has this grace about her that makes her stand out more than any other girl I know. When she smiles it warms my heart up inside that even if I'm having a bad day it makes me happy. There's some days that I wish I could see her and be with her but know that I might not have a chance with her. Even knowing that I might not have her makes me want to still be in her life no matter what. I don't ever not want to be without her."

I finally let go of the hold that Spencers eyes had on me and I looked down at my hands in my lap. She made me nervous.

Wow I couldn't believe that I just shared all of that with her when it was her that I was talking about. I was doing alot of sharing lately.

"You've really fallen for this girl huh?"

That was an understatement.

"Yeah I have. She makes me feel good even though she doesn't know she's doing it."

"I'm sorry that she doesn't see what a wonderful person you are. She's dumb if she let's you walk out of her life. Maybe you should tell her."

I wish I could but that would not be good.

"I don't think that's an option for me anymore."

I got out of my seat and I grabbed my things.

"I had fun Spencer. Thanks for inviting me." Spencer stood up from her seat and smiled her pearly whites at me and my heart skipped a beat.

"We have to do this again. I don't know what it is but I can talk to you like we've been bestfriends forever." I felt the same way about her. I wanted to share everything with her, no matter what the cost. As long as I got to be with her than I was going to continue this lie and be around her as much as I could.

xoxo

Aiden layed right next to me as I shared with him everything that was going on. I knew that he would listen. Apparently he loved hearing about Spencer and me.

That's a guy for you.

"You need to tell her Ash. I know you love her but you won't say anything because of her fiance. Maybe she really isn't in love with him and is waiting for you to say something. You never know. Crazier things have happened. If not, than go for Nicole. She's hott and into you. Where can you go wrong with that?"

Once again that's a guy for you. Sure Nicole was really pretty, sweet, and easy to talk to.

Hmmm. Maybe Aiden had a point there. I did get along with Nicole and we had alot in common. It wouldn't hurt to try things out with her.

Just as I was laying there thinking my cell phone went off and I grabbed it to see that it said Nicole. Gees that was weird. I was just talking about her and now she was calling me. Maybe she just got done talking with Spencer and wanted to give me a call.

"I'll leave you and Nicole alone to talk." Aiden got a big smile on his face and left the room. He is such a pig.

"Hello." I glanced at the clock on the wall and it said 11:45.

So much for getting to bed early.

**(A/N: hey you guys...sorry for the late post but I've been workin out during my breaks at work so I haven't had time to write...hope all is good still. Thx so much for everyone who has put me on any alerts...it makes me happy to know that people really enjoy my stories. Well take care everyone...and be sure to leave the love :)**


	9. Chapter 9

When you think that everything is going to work out it tends never to be that simple.

Like when I thought about coming out my parents and friends would be okay with it but that didn't happen.

Or when I thought getting to know Spencer and everything about her I would be happy but that didn't come true. Yes I'm happy that I get to hang with her and things like that but it's not the same.

Now I have this wonderful girl in front of me and I'm afraid that it's not going to be that simple. I'm just waiting for that one bad thing to happen and I'm going to end up where I am right now. Alone and sad.

xoxo

Nicole and I talked for two hours that night talking about everything that was going on with us. She even asked me about the girl that I was falling for even though I'm sure that she wasn't really interested in knowing anything about her.

Little did she know that it was her bestfriend.

I was really enjoying the fact that she wanted to talk about everything or that she cared enough to ask me. If I wasn't wrong than I think that I was liking the idea of getting to know Nicole a little bit more.

Is it wrong to want to be happy?

Is it wrong to think that I won't have a chance with Spencer?

Should I give up hope for Spencer and just move on with my life and try to be happy?

With the way Nicole and I are getting along I think that I can have a chance at getting to know her even better.

xoxo

"So Nicole and you have a date tonight?" Aiden and I were working at the cafe on that Friday afternoon.

Nicole and I had been talking with eachother the last three nights. I was enjoying every minute that I got to talk with her. She made me laugh and I knew that that was something I haven't been doing lately. Spencer and I haven't talked at all. I wanted to hang with her at the bookstore last night but she didn't respond to my text message. Nicole told me that she has been keeping to herself lately and hasn't even talked with her that much. I thought that was really odd considering that they were bestfriends. I mean I would understand me and her not talking but not with Nicole.

"Yeah she is going to pick me up at the apartment tonight."

"Do you know where you are going?"

"No not really. She said that she really just wanted to hangout with me."

"So are you getting over Spencer?" That was a really good question and if you think about it I don't think I ever will. She holds a spot in my heart that I don't know if anyone will fill.

"Spencer and I will probably will be nothing more than just friends. So as soon as I realize that than the sooner the better. Besides Nicole is wonderful and I'm really starting to like her.

Aiden walked behind be and patted me on the shoulder.

"That's good because she is hott."

"Shut up Aiden! I swear that's all you think about. Where's your girlfriend Tiffany or something like that?"

"Oh. Well me and her kind of broke it off. We weren't finding anything in common."

"Other than sleeping with eachother."

"Hey! That's not all we did." I looked back at him and I knew that that was nothing but bullshit. He knew damn well that is all they did.

"Ok fine but we talked afterwards."

"Whatever Aiden. I don't need to know all of that." Aiden laughed and we went back to working. The cafe was kind of slow so Aiden told me to pack up and leave for the night. I was glad anyways because I needed to get home and take a shower before Nicole picked me up.

xoxo

It was around 8:30 when Nicole showed up at the apartment. It had taken me forever to look for something cute. For some reason I was hating everything that I had in my closet. After some searching I ended up wearing a cute light sweater with a black cami underneath and a pair of low rise jeans. I put on some black heels and I wore my hair down with. With the responce I got from Nicole when I opened up the door I knew that I had picked the right thing.

"You look really beautiful Ashley." Nicole stood there with a flower in her hand and I couldn't help not smiling at her gesture. It has been way to long since I've gotten flowers from anyone.

"This is for you." Nicole gave me the flower and I took it and walked back into the apartment to put it in some water. Nicole followed right behind me as I watched her looking around the place.

"So this is where you and Aiden live?"

"Yep. Sorry it's kind of a mess. Aiden decided to be a pig today. I lied he's always a pig." Nicole laughed at my comment and I was already loving the night.

"Should we go or would you like to just stay in and order food." Nicole looked around one last time and I knew that she was thinking about the option I just handed her.

"How much that sounds great I actually wanted to take you out to a restraunt." I shook my head ok and we walked out the front door.

As we were walking out to her car she started up the conversation but once she started it I wasn't sure I wanted to keep going with it.

"Have you heard from Spencer lately?" Why did she have to come and bring her up on our date? Did she know that I was trying to get over the girl so I could be happy with her instead?

"No I haven't. Why is there something wrong?" I asked because I wanted to make sure that the girl was doing ok. I still cared about her no matter what.

"She's been realy distant with me these last couple of days and I didn't know if it was something I did or what. She hasn't responded to any of my phone calls so I just wanted to know if she had called you or something."

I wish she did. I was missing her voice as well.

No Ashley. You are on a date with her bestfriend. Someone you are starting to like you don't need to go back to the way you were feeling about the girl. Especially since she was already taken.

"Hmm thats weird. Maybe she just wants to be alone."

We both got into the car and Nicole kept on going with Spencer. I swear if I didn't know that they were bestfriends I would say that Nicole had a thing for Spencer.

"That's the thing though. Spencer doesn't really act this way. She is always opened about everything with me but lately she has been stand offish and I don't know what I did."

I wonder what was going on with her. Maybe I should call her and maybe she will talk with me.

"I'm sure everything is going to be fine." I layed my hand onto Nicoles. She glanced down at our hands and than back up at me. Nicole than twined our fingers together and than took off towards the restraunt.

Nicole and I listened to music in the car and talked about our day. The date was really starting off great. As soon as we ended up at the place we got out and walked to the front of the door. Just as we were walking in Spencer and Jason were walking out. Nicole stopped right in our tracks and started talking.

What a small city we live in that we end up running into the two of them.

"Spencer." Nicole let go of my hand and hugged Spencer. Spencer gave us her smile even though something was going on with her. I mean I didn't know her that great but something was telling me that she really didn't want to bump into the both of us.

"Hey Nikki." Spencer hugged her back and than smiled at me.

Jason said hi to the both of us and he seemed like he was in a great mood the only person here that was acting cold was Spencer. I think the temp just dropped ten degrees.

I stood there watching Nicole talk with Spencer as I was trying to see if she would break from her shell but I could tell that there was something there.

Why was she acting so weird for?

This wasn't the girl that I first met. This wasn't the girl that I feel in love with.

Who was she and where did Spencer go?

**(A/N: Hey sry for the delay...I'm not really feeling this chpt but I guess you can tell me what you think...I have to run and get this up so when u get a chance go ahead and leave the love please....thanks so much for the reviews and adds. Much love)**


	10. Chapter 10

I stood there not really knowing what to be doing at that moment. I watched Nicole talk with Spencer as if she hadn't talked with her for years and now they were finally getting to talk with eachother again. After what seemed like a lifetime of standing there not saying a word, Jason finally says something to me.

"How's your date going?" As if he cared so much.

"It kind of just started but it's going good. How are Spencer and you?"

"Good, thank you." That's all he gave me on that. He turned away as if trying to ignore me for the rest of the time that we stood there. What was up his ass?

If anything I should of been the person to ignore him because I wanted to be the person with Spencer.

I went back at looking at Spencer and Nicole. They seemed like they were having a heated conversation with eachother. Which didn't look all that great from here.

Nicole finally finished it and came walking over to me.

"I'm sorry Ashley. I didn't mean to leave you I just had to talk to Spencer about something and since I haven't been able to get a hold of her lately I figure I should take up the opportunity now." I understood where she was coming from. I probably would of done the same thing.

"It's ok. Is everything ok?" I asked as I looked over at Spencer and Jason. Spencer looked towards me for a second as she stood there with Jason talking her ear off. I broke our eye contact and looked back at Nicole.

"Yeah I guess. She's still acting weird with me but she said that she would call me tomorrow or something so we could talk." Nicole grabbed a hold of my hand and we made our way into the restraunt.

xoxo

After that conversation with Spencer, Nicole didn't seem like she was really into the date that much. Last week this wouldn't haven't bothered me so much but at this moment I was kind of feeling crappy myself.

"You know if you don't want to finish the date Nicole you can just take me home." Nicole finally snapped out of it and looked at me with wide eyes.

"Oh god I'm so sorry Ashley. I don't mean to be all spacey with you. Spencer is just my bestfriend and this is really bugging me more than I thought it would. Please forgive me because I don't want another person not talking to me. I would hate myself if you stopped talking with me." Nicole seemed really sincere when she said that. I wasn't going to stop talking with her. If this whole dating thing didn't work out than at least I knew that I would have a friend.

Nicole and I finished dinner and than we ended up going to the movies. There we sat in the theater talking about maybe going out on another date next week. I really wanted this to work and I was going to try my hardest to get my mind off of Spencer.

Nicole and I watched Mall Cop and had a blast laughing at the charaters on the movie. Nicole found a moment and as I looked over at her we were both smiling at eachother and I knew at that moment that I was going to get kissed. I was about to have my first kiss with a girl.

Nicole leaned over towards me and layed her hand on my cheek and I could feel my breathing catch. She lightly placed her lips on mine and I was gone. I don't know where I went but I was gone from the moment when she kissed me and I enjoyed every second of it.

When she pulled away from me I opened up my eyes slowly and looked at her face as she smiled big at me. She had a really cute smile.

"Your a really good kisser Ashley." I started blushing and looked down at my hands. She was the first girl I kissed and I knew that she was getting that thought in her head as well.

Nicole linked our fingers together and we went back to looking at the movie.

The night was really turning out to be a good one. I was really glad that she wanted to finish out the date. Other wise I would still be waiting for that first kiss.

xoxo

"So what did you think about the evening? Well of course after the whole thing with Spencer happened."

We were standing outside my place and she had walked me to my door even though I told she didn't have to but she wanted to.

"I really loved the whole evening. Thank you for a fun night."

Nicole smiled at me and I could feel the need of wanting to kiss her again. There was just that connection that I had with her now that I didn't want to end.

Do you ever get that need to do something that you've never had before but now that you do, you want it even more?

Well that is exactly how I'm feeling right now.

So this time I took the chance and I leaned over at Nicole and I kissed her on the lips. Nicole placed her hands on my hips and brought me closer to her as I had my hands placed on her face deepening the kiss.

If anything she was the good kisser here.

xoxo

I layed in my bed that next morning thinking about the date that I had last night with Nicole and I was really glad that I had decided to give Nicole a chance.

Even though the whole thing with Spencer was pretty weird I thought that the night had been a success.

I glanced at my phone and wondered if Nicole and Spencer had talked at all last night after she had dropped me off. I knew that finding out what is going on with Spencer was a big thing for her. Personally I wanted to know what was wrong with her. I could of swore we were becoming good friends but when we left the two of them last night she didn't even say goodbye to me.

I thought if I should take that personal but I decided to drop it because there was no point in getting angry over something like that. If she had a problem with me than that was her deal not mine. Now all I was going to do was try to ignore it and act like it doesn't bug the shit out of me like it is.

xoxo

"How many pancakes you want?" Aiden and I were in the kitchen and he was actually making breakfast for the both of us. Actually he was making breakfast for himself but when I woke up I asked him to make me some too.

Hahaha. I gave him a guilt trip so he felt like he had to make me breakfast.

What a guy.

"Three is good for me."

"Big eatter this morning." Nope he's still an ass.

"Shut up Aiden."

"So how was the date? Did you get some?" Remind me to start looking for another apartment to rent.

"Not everyone is like you Aiden. Sleep with every chick they go out with. I don't hop into bed with people I barely start dating."

"Do you want to have sex with her?"

"Aiden will you stop with the sex questions! Right now we are just dating, nothing more." I didn't know what was going to happen between us. Even though I wasn't a virgin didn't mean that I was more than willing to jump into bed with her. Yes I like Nicole very much but I was no where near of making that type of commitment.

Friends. That's all for right now. Oh of course there will be kissing because I was really loving the thought of kissing Nicole again.

Aiden and I sat in the living room eatting our breakfast when there was a knock on the front door. I looked at Aiden to see if he was expecting anyone but he shrugged his shoulders as if he didn't have a clue and obviously I didn't. Aiden made his way over to the door to see who was there.

I sat there on the couch not really worrying about the front door until Aiden calls my name.

"Hey Ash. Someones at the door for you." I turned my head over towards him and Nicole came walking in crying her eyes out and her arms around her body.

Something was wrong. Something was really wrong.

**(A/N: Hey you guys...sry I tried to make it longer for you but I had to cut it right here. My day aint going so great with me right now and I wanted to get this up for you all. Thank you again for the reviews they made me smile that you guys are trying to guess the out come :) well hope all is good...please leave the love...i need it. Take care.)**


	11. Chapter 11

I sat there on the couch rubbing Nicoles back and she still hasn't told me what had made her come to my front door crying.

Aiden left us alone and I just tried to calm her down as she sat there with her face in her hands.

"Nicole do you want to talk about it?" I tried one more time to see if she would say something.

Nicole sat up in the couch and I looked at her puffy eyes and cheeks. It had to be something good for her to be like this in front of me. I mean yeah we went out on a date but we weren't super close yet.

"I decided to go over Spencers house this evening so we could talk. I got there and her mom told me that she was up in her room. So I walk up the stairs and I hear her on the phone with someone. I'm guessing it was Jason." She said as she sniffled and took a breathe before she went any further. I just sat there continuing to rub her back because I could tell me being there for her was helping her out in some small way.

"I didn't want to interrupt the phone call so I stood outside the door and that's when I heard who the phone conversation was about. Me. She was talking about me Ashley. She sat there on the phone telling Jason that she was getting tired of me being so clingy and that she wanted me to just leave her alone. I don't understand what I did. I've done nothing wrong to her but yet she could sit there and talk trash about me."

Man that didn't sound like the Spencer that I was getting to know.

What was up with her?

"Why would she say something like that about you?" Nicole shook her head back and forth as if she had no clue.

"That's the thing I don't know. I've been nothing but a bestfriend to her and than she started distancing herself from me when we started hanging out. I'm so confused. We've been bestfriends since Junior high and now she is going to act like this." Nicole started crying again and leaned over to me where I wrapped my arms around her and I felt so bad for her.

Spencer needed to stop acting the way that she was and just get over it because it was breaking her bestfriends heart.

xoxo

It's been a week since everything had happened with Nicole and Spencer. I haven't talked with Spencer at all. I keep on going to the bookstore to see if she would be there but she's been keeping her distance away from me like she's doing with Nicole. Personally I don't see where she would have a problem with me nor Nicole but she needed to deal with her shit and fast.

xoxo

It was a Sunday night and Nicole and I had just left my house after watching a movie. We've actually been getting pretty close and I really love spending my time with her.

Aiden had told me that I had to come in and take care of the late shift because one of the weekend girls had called in and he needed me to fill in. So of course being the person who needs the money like I do I said yes. Nicole drove me over there so I wouldn't have to worry about it.

"Do you have to close tonight?" Nicole asked me as we were driving over to the coffee shop.

I was looking out the window losing all thought as her voice broke my spacing out.

"Yeah. Michelle couldn't come in so I had to take her spot. It's fine with me though because it gives me more time which means more money for me." I stared at Nicole as she laughed at my comment. She was a cutie and I loved to see her smile other than crying. Just seeing her cry that night had totally broke my heart that someone could make her cry like that.

The sad part about it was the fact that it was the girl that I had feel in love with first. The one person who had changed all thoughts in my head whenever I would see her at the bookstore. Now all she was was a memory because it seemed that she didn't want to have anything to do with the both of us. Yeah I know it killed Nicole and she still talks about it but for me it crushed me. I thought we were good. I thought that we actually had a friendship going but instead I was mistaken and we were both decieved.

Nicole and I walked into my work. When we got in there Spencer was sitting right at the counter talking with Aiden.

You have got to be kidding me.

I looked at Nicole and I knew that she did not want to be there at that very moment. Spencer saw us come in and looked at the both of us. This was not going to be good at all.

"Umm Ash I'm just going to head back home. Call me when you get off work ok." Nicole gave me a peck on the cheek and headed out of the coffee shop and I noticed Spencer look away from me when Nicole kissed me.

What was she doing here? Why did she want to come in now after all this time?

I walked over to the counter and didn't even pay attention to Spencer because at that moment her being there was really pissing me off. So I walked around the counter and was going to go into the back when Aiden stopped me.

"Hey you don't need to work today."

Excuse me!

"What? What do you mean? I thought that Michelle couldn't come in." Within a second Michelle came from the back with cups and I was completely confused. If I wasn't working than why was I here for?

Aiden took my hand and led me to the back of the store and I stood there looking at him confused.

"Can you please tell me what the hell is going on?"

"Spencer came into the shop about twenty minutes ago saying that she really needed to talk to you and I knew that if I had told you that she wanted to talk to you than you wouldn't have came in."

Damn right.

"Than why did you call me if you knew that I wouldn't want to talk to her. You know what she did to Nicole but yet you want to treat her like she is someone I want to talk to."

"She seemed like she really needed to talk to you Ash. I thought that maybe she would explain her behavior lately."

That was true I did want to know what the hell was her problem.

"Fine what ever." I turned around and went out to the front. Spencer was sitting at one of the chairs and she had her head down to the ground with her hands in her lap. Why did she look like she had the whole world on her shoulders?

Right at that moment my heart clenched together and I was starting to think about the girl that I had got to know. Well at least was trying to get to know before she went weird on Nicole and me.

"What did you want?" I didn't mean it to come out harsh but that is the way it did. Spencer looked up at me and I wanted to melt right there in her arms.

No Ashley. She's the one who is at fault here and she needs to know that you shouldn't be treated like that. Especially treating her bestfriend like shit.

"Can we talk?"

"What about?" I wasn't letting her get off easy at all.

"I know that I have been ignoring you and I just wanted to apologize to you. I didn't mean to distance myself from you."

"You Spencer I don't really care if you treat me like that but I do care that you treat your bestfriend like that. Nicole has been so upset by the way you've been acting towards her. She hasn't done anything to deserve the attitude you have been giving her."

I stood there not wanting to sit there with her. Spencer looked up at me with big eyes and I knew that even though she was acting like that I didn't like to see her hurt either.

Ughhh! I hated this hold she had over me.

"Nicole and I are just going through something right now."

"What Spencer? What can possibly get you to ignore her and not have her around. Especially since she is your bestfriend and maid of honor."

Spencer looked down and than back up to me.

"I can't say right now."

Now I was pissed off.

"Well since you don't know about anything than neither do I because I don't want to have to deal with this crap. Nicole doesn't deserve it and neither do I." I left the coffee shop without even looking behind at her as I left.

I knew that if I looked back than I would feel really bad for saying what I did to her.

Yeah I know I have way to big of a heart.

I stood outside of the shop and I took a deep breathe.

This was going to be harder than I thought.

**(A/N-Hey you guys. So what can I say other than I'm sorry for the delay. I got caught up with Valentines day and getting my apartment ready for my GF....yeah it took me like a week or so just to get everything ready...yeah I know I'm a perfectionist hahaha...well most of the time that is :) So yeah V-Day was awesome...I loved every minute of it but the bad part was letting her go at the end of the weekend and see her leave again. Yeah not fun at all. **

**But yeah I would just like to say you guys rock...When I read all the perdictions with Ash and Spencer I laugh my ass off and it makes me smile for days...so thank you to everyone who reviews and gives me ur thoughts...they make my day and week. **

**Much love to my readers! You know what to do now....Leave the love :)**


	12. Chapter 12

You know with what I had told Spencer in the coffee shop the other evening I would think that she wouldn't want to speak to me anymore, let alone the next day and everyday after that.

For the past few weeks she has been calling me and coming by the coffee shop to talk with me. She has yet to tell me what was up her ass and why she was treating Nikki like crap but I figured she would get there when she gets there.

Nikki asked me what we had talked about that night at the shop when she left me and I told her everything but she hasn't said a word since than. She doesn't bring up Spencer and neither do I. I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings at all. I want everything to be good with them which is why I have been allowing Spencer to come and visit me at the shop and we meet at the library on Wednesday nights when I get off of work.

I figured that I could talk with her and get everything solved so we could all be happy.

That sounds like a good plan right?

Than why do I feel bad for keeping this from Nikki?

xoxo

"Babe!" I was in the living room watching TV with Aiden and Nikki was in my room getting ready to go to her class.

"What!" I answered as I continued to sit on the couch watching TV.

"Dude your woman is calling you and all you can do is sit here and yell." He was not trying to give me tips on how to treat my girlfriend.

Ok we weren't official yet but it sure seemed like we were. Nikki has slept over at the apartment a few nights a week and than she would come over after classes when I get off of work. We sure as hell act like a couple. Just don't have the title.

I wonder why that is?

"Shut up! I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm really into my show alright. Damn I already have a mother I don't need another one."

Aiden shook his head at me and left the living room. He's been really touchy lately. I swear I can't say anything to that boy with out him PMS'ing.

"Can you please come here." Nikki yelled from the bedroom. I got off of the couch and I walked to my room.

As I opened up the door I was about to say,'what', when I saw her standing there in her bra and thong. Oh shit she had her thong on. Damn she looked really good.

"Ash. Ashley!"

"Huh. What?" I finally got out of the daze and I looked at her eyes she had a huge smile on her face. Could she look anymore sexy?

"Well I was going to ask you what I should wear to school today but I can see that you rather not have me wear anything at the moment." She gave me a giggle and she had me.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." I said with my own little smile on my face. Could she tell that I wanted her? That I wanted ALL of her.

"Come here." I closed the door behind me and I made my way over to Nikki as she continued to stand there in nothing but her underware.

Calm down Ashley. Your fine. You can answer her question and not get caught up in temptation.

Screw that.

As soon as I was toe too toe with her I had her in my arms and I felt hers and my breathing speed up. I let my hands run along her sides as I let my finger tips roam her body. Her abs were tight and perfect. Her smell made my nose go crazy just thinking that she was this close to me. I wrapped my arms around her as I let my head lay on her shoulders as I pressed soft kisses on her shoulder.

"I want you Ashley." I felt her words caress my ear as I tighten my grip around her. I slowly walked us back to my bed as she leaned herself on the bed as I took my shirt off. I got onto the bed and leaned over her body as she layed there. I looked at her, all of her as I felt so much inside that was screaming to be let out.

Nikki and I have messed around but we haven't gone all the way and part of me thinks that it's my fault. I've never been with a girl so I knew that things would totally change when I was with one. Nikki was more experienced than me and I just wanted to make sure that things were really good with us before anything was to ever happen.

I leaned my head down towards her and I softly kissed her lips as she wrapped her arms around my neck and brought me closer to her. I felt our bodies press against eachother as I could feel so many emotions running through me.

This was really going to happen.

As I part our lips I opened my eyes and I saw her staring back at me as I knew that she was thinking something in her head.

"What's on your mind?" I asked her. I wanted to make sure that everything was ok.

"I don't want you to do anything that you don't want to do Ash. I want you to be ok with everything. I want you to want me as much as I want you. So please don't do this if you aren't sure."

I knew what she meant. With everything that has been going on lately she wanted me to be happy but for all the right reasons.

I kissed her lips once more as I moved aside her bangs from her face.

"I'm sure." I said to her as she smiled back at me.

Nikki turned me over on my back as she laid on top of me. I could feel the warmth of her body on me as I felt her hands roam my body. I could feel the shivers run down my body as I loved every touch and every kiss she gave me.

I wanted this woman so much. I was craving for her to touch me. To make me feel good inside.

I sat up on the bed as she took my bra off and I took hers off. She laid me back down as I felt our breast mold together and I loved it. It made me even more hungry for her. Our kisses speeded up as I felt her hand cup my breast and massage it.

Man she was giving me goosebumps. I swear I never thought I could feel this great before.

Instead she was making me go crazy for her.

"Hey Ash." He is going to die!

"GET OUT!" I screamed as Nikki rolled over on the other side of the bed and I covered myself up with my arms.

"OH SHIT. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry Ash."

"AIDEN GET OUT!" I swear he wasn't leaving the damn room.

"Sorry. Sorry." Aiden finally left the room and I was pissed.

"Ash I'm really sorry but Spencer is at the door."

Oh shit.

If it wasn't Aiden walking in on us than it was definitely Spencer showing up at the front door that killed everything that was about to happen between Nikki and I.

I looked over at Nikki and she looked at me as if she didn't understand why Spencer would be at my front door if I supposable wasn't talking with her. Nikki got off of the bed and started getting her clothes on.

"Nikki I'm sorry."

"For what? For Aiden walking in on us or for you not telling me that you still talk with Spencer?"

Of course this would come back and bite me in the ass. I knew that I should of said something but instead I decided to keep it to myself and what a mistake that turned out to be.

I got off of the bed fast and I could tell that she was fumming with me. I screwed things up.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you that she was coming by. She comes by every once in awhile to talk about things."

"What things Ashley? About how she treated me like shit?" She was pissed. I put my bra on and shirt as I grabbed her from the waiste before she left my room.

"Please talk to me. I'm sorry ok."

"No it's not ok Ashley. You could of told me. I would of understood but instead you decided to keep it from me. That's what hurts the most. All you had to do was be honest with me."

Nikki opened up the front door and I followed her out as I saw Spencer sitting on the couch with Aiden.

Why was she causing so much problems?

How did I get myself into all of this?

Nikki looked at Spencer and Spencer looked over at me. She could feel that something was happening between us and at the moment I didn't care if she knew.

"Maybe I should go." Spencer said as she stood up from the couch. I wasn't going to stop her but Nikki did.

"Don't bother. I'm the one that should leave."

"Nikki. Please." I didn't want her to go. If anything I wanted Spencer to leave. Everything was going so well with Nikki and I. Instead it gets ruined when Spencer comes into the picture.

Nikki walked out of the front door and I stood there defeated. I felt like shit and it was all because I didn't know how to be honest with her and tell her that she use to be bestfriend was still talking with me and not with her.

This was my fault. No one elses. Just mine.

I turned around to where Aiden and Spencer were sitting and I could tell that Aiden felt bad for what just went on. Spencer I really don't think mattered so much to her.

"Can we talk?"

"I'm really not in the mood to talk right now Spencer. Maybe it's best that you leave too." I left the living room area and went to my room without even waiting for a responce from her. Instead shortly after I made way into my room Spencer came in after me.

"Ash?" I stood there with my back to her and my hands on my hips. You have got to be kidding me. She knew that I was pissed off but is still trying to talk to me. So not a good thing to do when I am pissed off.

"WHAT SPENCER! WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I turned around towards her and with nothing said she came towards me and gaved my face and kissed me.

Did you hear me? She kissed me right there in the room that I was about to make love to the girl that I am seeing and instead she is in here kissing me.

With what seemed like a lifetime I backed away from her and I knew what was going on.

Spencer was jealous of what Nikki and I had together. That is why she kicked Nikki out of the wedding and was only talking with me.

This was all to much. I didn't need this and neither did Nikki.

"You need to leave." Spencer stood there with her eyes wide open and tears in her eyes.

I was finally getting everything that I wanted in the beginning. This was the girl that I had came out for and now I was turning her down right in front of me.

I knew that was insane but I knew that I was not going to hurt Nikki anymore than what I have already done. She needed someone who was going to be there for her and not her like so many has.

"But Ash-"

"Please just leave Spencer."

Spencer turned and walked out of my room and I broke down. I went to the ground and I cried.

This all hurt so much that I didn't know what to do anymore.

What do I do?

**(A/N-heyyyy...soo this chpt is kind of one of my favs...I know that its not super long but I only have so much time to write a chpt today because of work and the gym after work and I want to get this up for you all. **

**I'm soo giddy that I still get new readers who the story it makes me feel so good inside...thank you all!! your great. Well Ash is in a bind...do I have any great predictions out there?? XD Hahahha but yeah well got to go but you know what to do...Leave the love!!!) **

**How do you guys feel about a Spencer POV???? Let me know :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Spencers POV **

I did not see that coming. Here I was about to share my heart with her and she tells me to leave. RIGHT AFTER I KISS HER.

I could of swore she had the same feelings for me that I had for her.

Why am I feeling like I did this all for nothing? I can't believe that I fell in love with my bestfriends girlfriend.

Well at least I think they are a couple. Not after everything that just happened it seems but I'm sure they had something going on. Ashley is always happy around me, and I know that I make her happy.

Why did this backfire? I was suppose to be leaving this house with Ashley hand and hand. Instead I am feeling nothing but heartache and wishing that I never made such a outrageous attempt to be with her.

I sat there in my car not know what to do next. I mean yeah I still had Jason thinking that we were going to get married but I couldn't marry the man now. I could not go through with something like that after I kissed someone else. A GIRL even. I had to call off the wedding and I knew that I had to do it soon because I wanted Ashley in my life and I was going to do what ever it took.

I know she loves me.

She has to love me, other wise this was all for nothing and everyone was going to get hurt.

xoxo

"Spencer dear is that you." I went home for the rest of the day because I didn't want to be around Jason right now. Especially with how I was feeling about things. I could end up exploding and making things worse. I just need to cool down and think about what I was going to do.

"Yeah it's me mom." I walked into the kitchen with so much on my mind.

"Good. You can have dinner with me tonight. Is Jason coming over?"

Ughh must you ask about him right now?

"No. I just wanted to come over and hang out." Hey I got to lie to get her off my back otherwise I was a goner. She usually can tell when there was something wrong and I don't need that.

"That sounds wonderful Spence." Mom kissed my forehead and went back to cleaning the kitchen.

Oh man. She was going to crucify me when she finds out that I'm not going to be marring Jason. Instead I was falling in love with a girl.

Oh yeah this will be fun.

I sat in the living room watching TV trying to keep my mind off of things but it wasn't working. Mom stayed in the kitchen most of the time trying to figure out what she was going to do for dinner. I swear I hated when she tried to cook. I'd rather have dad cook. He knew what he was doing. If I hadn't of agreed to stay for dinner I would leave right now and maybe head over to the library.

Mmmmm. She kissed so good.

No!

Spencer cut it out. She just told you to leave her room and didn't even have a problem saying it. How am I suppose to deal with this now? I'm falling in love with her and she doesn't want anything to do with me.

"Hey Spence." I was thrown out of my thoughts and was sitting in front of Glen. He stood there with a smug look on his face. If he wasn't my brother I would totally be so sick of his attitude about everything. First he thinks hes gods gift to woman. Now I know he has some screw loose or something. Second he's the biggest ass that I have ever met. Yep that draws the line for me. But like I said he is my brother so I have to deal with him.

"What do you want Glen?" I crossed my arms and wanted him to just leave me be to my thoughts.

My thoughts of the girl that makes me smile more than I've smiled ever before.

"Where's Jason I have to talk to him about planning the rest of the honeymoon."

Did he really have to talk about the wedding?

"He's at home. I don't know if he's busy or not."

"Why didn't he come with you? Are you guys ok?"

"We're fine Glen. Are you done with the questions because I'm really not in the mood to be talking?" I got off the couch and I made my way out of the house. I couldn't be there anymore. I was done with being bombarded and confronted with all of these questions when I had so much on my mind.

I got into my car and I decided to head over to the library. I needed to stop thinking of Ashley and try to get my mind on other things. Like how I was going to tell Jason that I wasn't going to marry him. Or maybe I should, considering that Ashley doesn't want anything to do with me.

I know that Nikki has a thing for her. Hell she could even love her for all I know but I can't help how I feel.

Ever since I saw her in the bookstore there was this forever thought in my head that would never leave me. Her perfect face would satisfy my dreams at night and it would make me never want to wake up.

Even when Jason would want to have sex I would make up some excuse so I wouldn't have to. Ashley has this big affect on me that it's crushing me now that I know that she doesn't want anything to do with me.

You know when I think about it, it's kind of my fault that they got together. I was the one who was pushing them to go out even after I knew that I was falling for her myself. Shit even Nikki would notice my attitude when she was around us but I denied it left and right that there was nothing on my mind.

How could I say something when I knew that I was suppose to get married to Jason? That he was my high school sweetheart and we are suppose to be together.

Damn my mother and her morals.

If she knew anything about the whole liking Ashley thing she would be the first one to throw the stone at me. How is that for a loving mother? She would rather make me feel like hell than to accept me and love me for who I am.

Now I know how Ashley is feeling about her parents. She told me how they had kicked her out and she was forced to find a place to live. Thank god that Aiden was such a great guy and friend to her to let her share the apartment.

xoxo

I was sitting in the bookstore reading one of the books that I had on hold and after a few minutes Erica the store clerk was walking around as if she had something to tell me.

"How's everything going today?" She finally came out and said as she was grabbing the books that were sitting on a table that was near me.

"Umm. Not so great but thanks for asking."

"Well I know we don't know eachother but I can listen if you need someone to talk to."

Do I really need someone else to get involved with all of this drama?

"Thanks but I'll be ok." She smiled at me and went back to the front of the store as I went back to reading.

I sat there with nothing but Ashley on my brain and not really paying attention to anything that was around me until I heard my name.

"We need to talk." I closed my eyes shut as I heard the voice knowing that this was going to be a really bad conversation.

As I looked up I see Nikki standing in front of me with her eyes red as hell and looking like she wanted to kick the shit out of me.

"I really don't think that right now is a good time."

"NO! I think it's a perfect time Spencer." After everything that has been said between us I knew that I had to at least talk this out even though I rather ignore her like I have.

I grabbed my stuff and made my way out of the bookstore because I was having a feeling that I was going to be getting yelled at.

Once we were outside I thought she was going to go off but to my surprise it was nothing like that.

"Why are you doing this Spencer? Why are you going after Ashley when you know very well that I love her? We've grown so close with eachother that I don't think I want my life to be shared with anyone else."

Wow this was a big confession to me. She was actually telling me that she wanted to spend her life with the woman that I've been crazy about since I saw her.

I stood there with my arms crossed trying to act like I didn't care but my heart was hurting. Everything was getting torn apart and I started it all.

"Nicole I'm not going after her. We are friends and just talk alot."

"HOW CAN YOU BE HER FRIEND AND NOT MINE!" I felt the anger coming from her.

"You have a thing for her and you're not telling me. I could tell all the way from the begining but I denied it because I knew that you were getting married with Jason which is a whole different subject on its own. Does he know you like a girl? Does he know that you're going to call off the wedding? I'm not dumb I can see it on your face that you aren't going to go through with this wedding."

Damn her for being my bestfriend.

"That is none of your business anymore. And all of your assumtions are starting to piss me off. You have no right-"

"I HAVE EVERY RIGHT!" Nikki was face to face with me as she yelled that and I knew that I had hit a nerve with her.

I stood there not really sure what to say at that moment because I felt if I said anything else Nikki would go off on me. Right now that is not the way I was going to go.

"I was finally happy and you couldn't handle me being happy so you had to go after it. Just like you did when we were little. It was always about Spencer never about me. I've trusted you with so much but all you do is bring me down. Your not a friend Spencer, I think you ever were one. I'm done with this. I'm done with you."

Nikki turned on her heels and went walking to her car as I stood there wrapping my arms around my body. I felt the cold breeze taking its toll on me as I looked up at the sky. The clouds were starting to form and I knew that it was about to begin.

**Ashley POV **

What was I going to do now? Everything was going so well with Nikki until Spencer showed up at the house and now everything is all thrown to hell.

Nikki makes me happy in so many ways and has been there for me from the start and Spencer was with her fiance the whole time. How does Spencer expect me to think that she is the right one for me?

Yeah I know I fell in love with her in the begining but things have changed from there. She passed me on to her bestfriend and now is jealous that we are together.

What the hell is that?

This wasn't my fault but both of the girls were turning it out like that.

Yes it was my fault that I didn't tell Nikki about Spencer but I didn't do anything to Spencer. She was the one who was messing something up that was barely starting.

I'm really into Nikki and I want to see where it's going to go on my own and not because of what others are saying.

I need to talk to Nikki.

I can't let her go she means to much to me to let her go now. Spencer was a friend and I had to let Nikki know that I was only friends with her and nothing more.

I hope it works out.

**(A/N: Hey you guys sorry I had to end it there with Ashleys thoughts...I havent been able to write much due to a sickness that landed me in the ER...it was great I tell ya...but yeah thank you all for adding me to ur favs cuz it totally gets me giddy when I see it. Yeah I know I'm a big nerd but I've learned to accept that hahaha...hopefully you guys can too lol. Well plz read and do what you do best...Leave the love :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**So Im sure you guys are like...what the hell?? Where is the next update and here it is...sry for the delay but I was actually in OHIO hahaha visting one of my really good friends...yes me and Spencer are bestfriends hahaha jk...anyways but yeah so I barely got back a few days ago and I've been running ragged with getting back to work and situating some things but yeah. Well hope u guys are still reading.**

The rain was starting to come down harder as I was driving over to Nikkis place. All I wanted to do is talk with her and tell her that it wasn't what she thought it was.

I wanted to be with her and no one else.

I was just afraid that she wasn't going to see it that way and I was going to be without a girlfriend. At least thats what I thought we were.

I parked right outside of her apartment and I knew that this was going to be a difficult conversation to have. I just wish that we didn't have to have it.

xoxo

I stood outside trying to cover the rain over my head but it wasn't working. Nothing was working and with the way I was feeling I didn't care that I was getting soaked.

I knocked on her door one last time and I was starting to think that she wasn't going to answer the door to me. So I turned on my heels and started to walk down the steps as I hear my name being called. I turned around and Nikki was standing there in her sweats and tank top. Even when she was dressed in comfy clothes she looked really good to me.

What was it that made me so attracted to this girl??

Why did I feel like Nikki would be great for me?

I walked back to the front door and she stepped to the side without saying anything to me. I walked into the apartment and stood there as she shut the door behind me.

I was officially freezing now.

"Your soaked Ashley."

I looked up at her and I was so relieved that she was at least talking to me for the most part.

She walked to the back of the apartment towards her room as I walked into the living room waiting for her to come back. As she stepped into the living room she handed me a towel.

Nikki stood there close to me as I dried my hair and than put it around me. I looked at her as if I didn't know what to say at the moment because I was afraid that she was going to be really upset with me. Of course I deserve it, so if she did get angry than I would take it as it is because I hurt her when I really wish I didn't.

"How are you doing?" I finally came out and asked her as she walked over to the couch to sit down. I followed right behind her.

"How do you think I feel Ash? I was hurt that you didn't tell me about Spencer." I understood that she was hurt by my actions and I felt like shit for it.

"Do you like her?"

"NO!" I quickly sat next to her as the towel hit the floor. As soon as I said it the words echoed in my head and I could feel myself being really honest with her. Yes I fell for Spencer when I first came out and she was the one that I wanted to be with but Nikki changed that for me. Something about her just made things more clearly to me that I didn't need to be chasing someone who didn't love me when there was someone as wonderful in front of me.

Should I tell her the truth about loving Spencer first?

I think I'll keep that to myself otherwise that would just start a whole lot more drama and I'm all about no more drama for the time being.

I placed my hands on Nikki cheek as she leaned into my palm and I looked at her long brown hair flow off her shoulders. Her hazel eyes were closed for the moment as I felt her cheek against my hand. I loved the way she felt underneathe my skin.

"I'm really sorry if I hurt you Nikki. I didn't mean any of it. Yes it is my fault for not telling you that I still talked with Spencer every now and again."

Lie one.

Don't get me wrong I didn't want to lie to her but I knew that I would be protecting her by not telling her how many times Spencer would call or come over to talk.

"But I want you to know that I don't like Spencer. Now or ever have I had a thing for her."

Lie two.

This was starting out to be a bad trend. Why couldn't I just come out and tell her that I loved Spencer first? Why couldn't I be open with how I felt in the past?

It would hurt her that's why.

Nikki sat there holding onto my hand as she played with my fingers. She kept her head down the whole time not saying a word to me. I was starting to get scared.

"Please say something." She looked up at me with those eyes and slightly smiled at me.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Wow hearing those words from her made me so happy that she wanted to work on us and not go over the problems that we had at the time.

"Are we ok?" I had to clear this up because I didn't want this to come back to bite me in the ass like it has so many times in the past.

Nikki leaned over towards me and I saw her full lips come towards me and I could feel her breathe on mine. Man did it drive me crazy as I thought of her lips on mine. I glanced down at her shirt as I caught a glimps of her breast coming out of her shirt. Nikki did have some beautiful breast and I was remembering when we were together before Spencer had ruined everything. Actually it was Aiden who ruined it all. I swear he just wanted to see girl on girl action.

Perv.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" She asked again but with a softer voice and it made me have chills up and down my spine. Damn she knew how to make me fidget in my seat.

"Ya." I closed the distance and I kissed her lips. Trust me you can not be that close to a beautiful girl and not be able to kiss her. There is just no way.

xoxo

**Spencers POV**

"Where were you today?" I was finally back at my place with the weight of the world on my shoulders.

First Ashley denies me when I kiss her in her room. Why did she have to do that? It crushed me bad.

Second Nikki goes off on me. Ok I guess she had a right to but I couldn't help how I was feeling.

Third I had Jason to tell that the wedding wasn't going to happen and that I didn't want to be with him anymore.

It should go over great.

Not.

"I've had alot on my mind today." I told him as I was sitting at the dinner table and he had actually made me dinner and I thought that he was being great to me which was making this so much harder to do.

"I thought I would make dinner since I didn't know when you were going to be coming back."

"Thanks but I'm not really hungry." Jason looked at me as he sat down at the table as I looked up at him. He didn't look all that happy.

"What's going on Spencer?"

Maybe I should get this over with because it is only going to get harder. Especially when it gets to my mother.

"We need to talk." Jason sat there with his arms crossed and I hated when he would do that to me. As if he was trying to intimidate me. Not going to work this time buddy boy.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking."

"That's never good."

Asshole!

Maybe this won't be that hard after all. I glared at him making sure that he knew that I wasn't all that pleased with his stupid ass comment.

"ANYWAYS! As I was saying, I've had a lot on my mind that I think we need to talk about."

"So your actually saying that you want to talk to me now because lately you've been talking with your lesbian bestfriend now."

Of course he was going to bring Ashley into this. He couldn't keep his words to himself. I was done with him.

"I think that we need to call off the wedding."

As prodicted he stood there with bewilderment on his face as if he didn't get the concept that I didn't want to be with him anymore. I wanted it to be over with.

Jason didn't say a word which was a shocker because he was all over my ass if I had came out and said something that he didn't like. Instead he kept his mouth shut and stood there looking at me.

"Do you have something to say?"

"Did you tell your mother?"

There goes the mother card. I was waiting for that one.

"This is my decision Jason not my mothers and I think that it's bullshit that you even brought her into this conversation." I was heated and still seeing him standing there in front of me with a smug face was making me even more upset.

"No! You know what I think is bullshit Spencer? The fact that you think you get say in calling off the wedding. We didn't talk about anything, we haven't even been in any arguments but you think that we need to call it quits. Is there someone else?"

Ashley.

"No. There's no one else. I'm just done Jason. I don't love you like I use to and for use to get married without that love would be a mistake and I don't want that. So I came up with the choice to call off the wedding."

Jason didn't say one more word to me instead he grabbed his jacket and was out of the house. I took a deep breathe and I sat down on the couch thinking that this was only going to get worse. No way was Jason going to let this go so easily. That was not him at all. He was a stubborn ass about everything that he does.

I want to be finished with him.

**Ashleys POV **

I was so peaceful as I laid there with Nikki in my arms. Nikki and I didn't have sex because I didn't think that it should of been like that.

When the time is right we will both know it and go from there. So until that time I was going to enjoy being with her and loving her for who she is. A beautiful woman that was now in my life and I didn't want to ruin that.

_Buzz Buzz _

I looked over at my phone on the dresser across the room and it was going off.

Who could it be at 3:35 in the morning?

I slowly moved out of Nikkis arms and I went over to the dresser. I looked at the screen and Spencers name was flashing against the screen. Should I answer it?

A second later I answered the phone and walked out of the room so I wouldn't wake Nikki up.

"Hello."

"Ashley?"

I was being quiet because Nikki waking up and finding me talking with Spencer would be really bad right now.

"Yeah. What's going on Spence?" I sat down on the couch rubbing my eyes together trying to semi wake up so I could hear what she had to say to me.

"I called it off."

Excuse me!

"You what?!"

"I told Jason that I couldn't be with him anymore and that I didn't want to go through with the wedding anymore."

Wow. This just got really serious.

"Spencer why did you do that? Do you even know what you are doing?" I was shocked as hell that she had actually did it. What was going to happen now?

"I haven't been more positive about my actions for a long time. I want you in my life and I'm going to do what ever I have to to get you in it."

Oh man this was going to be hard.

"I'm with Nikki Spencer and you know that. Why are you trying to ruin things for me right now? I thought we were friends?"

"We are friends Ash but I don't want to be just friends with you. I want to be with you. I want us to be with eachother. I love you."

Stop saying things like that.

"Spencer you don't know what you want right now. You just need to deal with what is going on right now with Jason and I need to go back to bed with my girlfriend."

"Ashley please don't close us off. Please give us a chance."

"I have to go."

"Ashley!"

"Goodnight Spencer."

I hung up the phone and I sat there on the couch with my hands on my face. Never have I been so tore between anything in my life and now that Spencer comes out and tells me that she loves me is beyond confusing. I love Nikki and I wasn't going to give that up. She treats me good and that's what I need in my life right now. Not someone who is going to change their minds at the last minute when something gets really serious. I don't need that. I don't need Spencer.

At least I don't think I need her.

**Sry it wasn't longer but I feel really bad for not being able to post anything lately. So here you go...tell me what you think and always leave the love. Thx again for all of the addings and reviews...they are awesome and so are you guys. :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**THANKS!!! To everyone who is still reading the story and leaving reviews u guys are great! **

**Spencers POV **

I want to talk to her so bad. Ever since she hung up the phone on me a few nights ago I haven't been able to get my self to call her again and talk to her like before.

Do you ever get that feeling that nothing is going to go right for you?

I do and it all started when I told Jason that I wasn't going to marry him anymore. For the last two days my mom has been hounding my ass about why I decided to call off the wedding. To top it off Jason has been coming by the house trying to get back into my life.

I told him numerous of times that I didn't want to be with him anymore but yet he still thinks that I'm going to change my mind and go back with him. Instead it has been making me want to be with Ashley even more. I want her to hold me at night and I want to wake up to her beautiful face.

See so much is going through my head and it is making everything so complicated for me.

I just want everything to be easy. I don't want to be hurting anymore.

I want Ashley.

**Ashleys POV **

"Babe are we going out with Caitlin and Tristian tonight?"

Ever since Nikki and Spencer stopped talking we've been hanging out with Nikkis friend Caitlin and her girlfriend Tristian. They actually seem like a really cool couple but that's all we do is hang out with them. Don't get me wrong I'm fine with it as long as I get to be with Nikki but I want to change up the scenery a little you know.

"Yeah that's fine but I thought that maybe we could just stay in and watch a movie." I was in Nikkis kitchen getting something to eat while I waited for her to get ready to take me to work. Aiden had me working a long night tonight.

"Caitlin was expecting us after you got out of working baby." Nikki was coming from the back room with no shirt on and all I could think about at that moment was the fact that she had no shirt on. I swear she did it on purpose so I wouldn't know what to tell her when she came out of the room.

Damn shes good.

I finally noticed that she was right in front of me when I got my attention on her face and not her beautiful breast. Damn me and my weakness.

"You ok?" She asked me as she knew what was on my mind.

"Umm. Ya. I'm good. Sure we can hang out with them tonight babe but tomorrow night you are all mine." I grabbed her hips towards me and I leaned her against the counter as I kissed her lips as I let my tongue wander her mouth.

Talk about wanting someone so bad.

"Baby you're going to be late for work."

"Aiden won't mind." Nikki giggled in my ear and it made me smile so wide. Just as I closed my eyes to go in for another kiss Spencers face popped into my head.

You have got to be kidding me!

I backed away from Nikki and went back to making my food.

"What's going on Ashley?" She hasn't used my name in awhile let a alone my whole name and not Ash. This meant that she was either upset or worried. Either one wouldn't shock me.

I don't know what the hell it is but I haven't been able to get Spencer out of my damn head since the night she told me that she loved me. Please tell me how do you do that to someone when you know that they are with someone else?

YOU DON"T!

No matter what, you don't do that to someone you love. You want them to be happy so if you know that they are happy with that other person than you have to be supportive. Right?

"ASHLEY!"

Shit. I spaced out. I turned around to her and she had those eyes that were killing me and I was hating myself a hundred times over.

"Sorry. Nothing is wrong. You were right though we need to get going so I'm not late for work." I gave her a quick kiss and grabbed my sandwich as I walked into the living room to wait for her to finish getting ready.

xoxo

"What do you mean you've been thinking of Spencer lately? You have Nikki isn't that enough for you?" Like I had perdicted Aiden was trying to get me to feel guilty. He was one to talk, he was still going on tones of dates and not even commiting at all. Here I was trying to make sence of everything and I was getting nothing but grief from him.

What a friend.

"Of course she is enough but I swear I don't know what the hell it is that Spencer has over me."

"You still love her." You have got to be kidding me. How could he come out and say that to me?

"Aiden I love Nikki and that's all."

"It wasn't a queston. It was a statement Ash. You still love the girl and the fact that she came out and told you that she loved you has set your emotions back to when you were in love with her. So in all reality you still love the girl."

I walked away. I couldn't be in love with Spencer. She only wants what she can't have and I'm not going to be that person to her. I was not going to let my heart get pulled apart because she was bored with her fiance. I want something real and that's what I have with Nikki.

No one else.

xoxo

"I missed you." Nikki came to pick me up at work so we could head over to meet up with Caitlin and Tristian. Of course when she got there she wasn't really in the mood. I think she was still pissed off about this afternoon in the kitchen.

"Is something wrong?" I asked her when we were in the car. She wasn't looking at me nor did she kiss me when I got into the car.

"You're the one who has been acting weird today Ash, not me."

"Nothings wrong. I'm sorry about this afternoon but it had nothing to do with you. You know I would rather stay at home and be with you than at work but I had to get going."

"One minute you were perfectly fine with being late and than a second later you were backing away from me as if there was something wrong. Why do I feel like you are keeping something from me?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to think anything. You can think what you want Nikki but I'm not keeping anything from you." I stopped at that because it felt like I wasn't making anything better.

A few minutes later we showed up at the movies where we were meeting them. I would try to hold Nikkis hand but she would take it away from me when ever I got close to her. This was crap if you ask me. How can she not fogive me for something like that? I apologized and I know that it doesn't always make it better but shit it shouldn't make it worse either.

Apparently we were early because the girls weren't there yet. So Nikki and I sat down at one of the benches outside of the movie theaters as I could see her shaking like a leaf. It was pretty cold and I knew that it was only going to get colder. Nikki had a sweater on but it wasn't enough to make her warm.

Why the hell didn't she grab a damn jacket when she left her place?

"Do you want my jacket?" I asked her as we sat there almost a seat away from eachother. I hated her mad at me. I swear I could not take it at all.

"I'm fine."

"No you're not. You're sitting there trying to pretend that it doesn't bother you when I know it does. So will you please take my jacket."

"Fine." Nikki finally looked at me and right at that point I knew that I wanted to be holding her. Nikki didn't look away, instead she scooted closer to me and I put the jacket around her. I was so glad that I decided to put on layers this morning other wise I would be freezing as much as Nikki was.

"Better?"

"Yes thank you. I'm sorry Ash." She looked down at her hands and I grabbed a hold of them and kept them warm with mine.

"No more apologies. I just want us to be ok and no more fighting."

"Me too." We both gave eachother a smile and I put my arm around her and she leaned her head on my shoulder. At that moment I felt so comfortable. No matter who was walking by us and staring at us if we were a peep show that they shouldn't be watching but yet couldn't look away either.

Than she walked by.

**Spencers POV **

I couldn't handle being at the house with Jason coming by every few hours, so I decided to leave and go to a movie. I'm sure that there was something good that I could see that would get my mind off of things right now.

xoxo

I sat there in the movies watching Adventureland with Kirsten Stewart. I don't know what it is but I've always thought she was a cutie. Of course I never thought anything bout my thoughts before because I never expected to be into girls. Than again the only girl that I'm into right now is Ashley but she didn't want anything to do with me which broke my heart into two. I wasn't going to give up though. There was something there the first time that we talked or the first time that we met at the bookstore. I know she felt something.

She had to of felt something.

xoxo

With all of my thinking of the first time Spencer and I met the movie was over. I think I saw most of it. Damn brain doesn't know when to stop but if anything I didn't want it to stop with Ashley. If anything I wanted there to be more moments with us together.

I was a fool in love.

Walking out of the movie theater I felt the cold air hit my face hard and I was shivering so bad. All I had to do is get to my car and get back to my place.

I was turning the corner to head to the parking lot when I see her sitting there. I see them both sitting there in eachother arms and it was like a knife in the heart. My foot steps stopped when I saw them and I wish I knew why they did. If anything they should of went faster instead of stopping.

I swear I was getting new feet.

"Spencer." Ashley saw me and just hearing her say my name brought some warmth to me. Nikki on the other hand lifted her head up from Ashleys shoulder and gave me a death stare.

Aww how much I've missed her. I can see she's missed me as well.

"You hear for a movie Ash?" I didn't look at Nikki. Instead I kept my view on Ashley the whole time I stood there. I'm sure that Nikki wasn't liking it much but at this moment I didn't care either.

"Umm ya. Nikki and I are waiting for Caitlin and Tristian."

"Some great girls."

"Why are you being fake Spencer? We both know that you couldn't stand hanging out with them when you were around. You always said they weren't your scene and you'd rather hang out my other friends."

Wow she was really going out of her way to make me look bad in front of Ashley. Yeah I know that I didn't really care for the girls but it's not like I never hung out with them. I would do anything for Nikki when we were bestfriends.

"I'm going to get going Ash. Call me later and we can talk."

"What the hell Spencer! LEAVE MY GIRLFRIEND ALONE!!!" Nikki was at her feet in a heart beat when she knew that I wasn't paying attention to anything that she had to say to me. She didn't matter to me. Ashley mattered.

**Ashleys POV **

Nikki was so pissed off at Spencer and I didn't blame her at all. Spencer was only doing that to get Nikki at her throat so it would make Nikki look bad but I wasn't falling for it.

"- LEAVE MY GIRLFRIEND ALONE!" I went towards Nikki and grabbed a hold of her waiste so she wouldn't go at Spencer. Of course right when I did that I have my parents walk around the corner towards us. I froze and I know for a fact that mom had heard Nikki say girlfriend out loud. She looked at my hands and than back at my face. Dad stood there not saying anything. Just like usual. My hands dropped and my mom comes towards me with so much anger on her face. Within a second later her hand was making contact against my face.

I couldn't say anything. I couldn't do anything. They were my parents and even though they treated me like shit didn't mean that I was going to show them the same disrespect. Of all times everyone had to be at the same place at the same time.

Damn luck.

Mom grabbed ahold of my armand dragged me towards the side where she could yell at me without feeling like she was making a scene with all of the friends right there. Of course Nikki was standing there looking like she had caused me so much more problems than what I had before. It wasn't her fault. It was only my fault for coming out for someone that I thought I loved. Someone who made me feel good whenever I would look at them face to face or even when I would get one little glimpse of her from the corner of my eye. The one that made my heart pump a hundred miles a minute when she first talked to me and I thought that I was going to die right than.

Spencer had a hold on me and I didn't know why.

"How could you embarress me and your father like this? Touching other girls in public. You make me sick. I don't even know why I even made an attempt to acknowledge that your my daughter. I should of walked by like all the other people who were staring at you guys. Don't you feel ashamed that they are looking at you because they know that you are making such a mistake in your life? Don't you care at all Ashley?"

I had tears running down my face but I didn't say a word. I didn't want more of a scene than there was and my mom was the one who was looking like a ass right now. Not me.

I looked over at Nikki and she looked like she had caused all of this and felt really bad. I looked over at Spencer and seeing her looking at me made me more at ease than I've felt in awhile with my mother. She was there the last time my mother had saw me in the bookstore. She knew how my mom acted towards me.

She knew alittle more of me than Nikki did.

She knew alittle more of me than I did.

**(A/N: Hey you guys....soo I don't know why but I kind of like this chpt. Something about the drama just sets it off for me hahaha...well you know what to do...please leave the love :) Oh and for the Spashley peeps don't worry...Good things come to those who wait hahaha...thats what I tell my gf all the time lol...but yeah there will be Spashley goodness just give it sometime...I dont want this story to end just yet :) Thx again.)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Spencer POV**

After everything that happened yesterday all I've wanted to do is call Ashley and see how she was doing but I didn't want to make things worse right now. So I sat there in my place ignoring my phone and thinking of her. Ashley looked like she was mordified yesterday when her mom was letting her have it. I swear if I had enough courage I would of said something to her mom but I don't know why I'm talking because my mother would be the same exact way. She would make me feel like shit and than make me feel like I was nothing to her and the family.

Wow we had great families.

**Ashleys POV **

You know I thought when I saw my mom again I would be alittle more happier about it. I miss my family but no instead it was one of the worse meetings we have had since I came out and got kicked out of the house.

It's been 2 days since I've talked with anyone. I wanted to be by myself and I didn't want to have to deal with questions and looks that said that I was pitiful. Yeah I know I should of said so much to her but I couldn't get myself to be that way to my parents. Even though she deserved it all and than some.

How are you going to treat your child like that? Especially on the street in front of everyone.

In front of my girlfriend.

In front of Spencer.

Nikki came to my side after my mom left me there ready to ball but I wasn't going to do that in front of everyone. To top it off Caitlin and Tristian had got there when my mom came out and told me that she was sick of me. That was great to have them have to hear that. I'm sure they were shocked as hell. Just like the rest of the people on the street that were loving the show in front of them.

_"Baby." I looked at her and I could feel myself about to let go but I didn't say anything. Instead I turned on my heels and started to walk home. _

_"Ashley. Ashley please talk to me!" I didn't stop. I ignored her comments and I went home feeling like I had been stomped on a hundred times over. _

So it's been 2 days that I've talked with her or anyone for that matter. I didn't want to deal with it all.

xoxo

The weekend ended and I was back at school and I was so waiting for school to be over with. My senior year and all I wanted was to get the rest of the year over with. I only have 3 months and I couldn't wait until it was at the end of those 3 months.

I walked into the school grounds with my head down.

"Well. Well. Well." Oh please do not start the day out like this.

I stopped and turned around to see Madison standing there with her crew. I swear they were nothing but followers. The funny part is that they use to follow me. Now they were following Madison. Pathetic if you ask me.

I guess that's what you get when you come out.

"What the hell do you want Madison?"

"I saw your little family reunion over the weekend."

Who the hell didn't see that?

"Your point being?" I wasn't going to let her think she could get to me.

"My point being is that nobody can stand being around you and now we know that your mom can't either. You make us sick and you even make your own mom sick."

Without even one word I hit her right in the face. Full fist. None of this playing around shit. If I was going to get into trouble than I was going to make it worth it.

Oh I didn't stop there.

As soon as she hit the floor I went back at her and kept on hitting her in the face. The one place I knew that she would be worring about the most. I didn't care anymore. She shouldn't have messed with me this morning. Instead she should of waited and maybe just maybe I would of gave her grace for all the bullshit she tells me.

No.

I still would of hit her.

xoxo

Suspended.

I got a week of suspension and I didn't care. It was my first fight this year so it didn't even matter. Of course they told me that if I got into another fight than I wouldn't be able to graduate on stage. Please ask me if I care. It's not as if I have family and friends that were going to be proud of me and there for me at graduation.

A week off from school. Sounds good to me.

**Spencers POV **

"Spencer I really wish you would reconsider going through with the wedding." I was at moms house because I had to get her off my back. I swear she didn't know the meaning of the word, 'No'.

Instead I was sitting here listening to her ramble on how much he missed me and wanted to be with me.

That was bullshit. I know for a fact that he is probably going out and having fun with his guy friends. Leave it to him to go back to the way he use to be and hit up the bars.

"I'm not going through with the wedding. It's done with and I have nothing else to say about the matter so will you please drop it." I walked out of the living room and I went into the kitchen to get something to drink. I sat there against the sink drinking water and closing my eyes wishing just maybe I will be in a different place when I opened them up again.

"I know why you aren't going through with the wedding." I swear no one gives up on this.

I turned around to see Glen standing against the wall looking at me as if he knew something serious.

"What are you talking about Glen? I just don't love him anymore and I don't see it right getting married to him if I don't feel that way."

"You love that girl Ashley."

Son of a Bitch.

Where the hell did he get this bit of information?

"I don't have a clue what you are talking about."

Play it off and act like he doesn't have a clue on what you are talking about.

Who the hell told him anyway?

"I ran into Nikki the other day-"

Of course it would be her. She had to rat me out so I would back off of Ashley. Which I haven't even talked to her for a few days. You would think she would like that. I'm not even going there because I don't want to put anymore stree on Ashley than what there is.

She don't deserve it at all.

"- and she told me that she knew why you weren't going through with the wedding. So being the brother that I am I wanted to know what was going on with you. She told me that you were in love with her girlfriend Ashley. How the hell could you do that to mom and dad Spence?"

Now he was in my face.

"Nikki doesn't even have a clue what she is talking about. We aren't even friends anymore."

"I wouldn't be your friend either if you were trying to still my girlfriend. What the hell are you going to tell mom? That you're a lesbian now. You know she will hate you for this and won't want to talk to you."

"Glen first off you have no idea what you are talking about and second if you want to know something about me than ask me. I can't believe you would listen to what other people have to say about me than listening to what your own sister has to say about the matter." I left right after that because I didn't want to be there in front of mom or Glen anymore. If they wanted to keep on talking about me not marrying Jason than I didn't need to be there.

I know Glen wouldn't say anything to mom and dad about Ashley. I just didn't know if he would say anything to anyone else.

**Ashleys POV **

_10 missed calls _

_Nikki _

Yeah I know I'm being a bad girlfriend right now but I didn't want to talk to her right at that moment. I just wasn't ready to have to hear her say she was sorry for the way my mom humiliated me in front of everyone. I didn't want to hear any of that.

I wanted to talk to someone but not have to worry about talking about the issues at hand.

I wanted to talk to Spencer.

xoxo

I sat in my room that night. I had just got off of work and had Nikki there waiting for me to get off.

Great.

"Hey." I locked up the store and Aiden said by while giving me one of the looks that told me that he was sorry.

Sure he cared.

"Hi." I stood there kind of awkward not knowing what to do. Do I give her a hug? A kiss?

It seemed like it had been forever and I didn't really know what she was feeling at the moment. If she was upset with me or just down right pissed.

"I've called you all weekend and today. Why haven't you called me back?"

Good question. Just don't have a answer for you.

"I don't know."

Nikki got closer to me and I of course felt bad for making her feel this way but I wasn't doing all that great myself either.

"I've missed you so much." Nikki wrapped her arms around me and I closed my eyes tight as I held her back. Nikki means alot to me and I do love her but right now things were really weird with me.

"All I've wanted to do is talk to you about what happened on Friday night." Here we go. I let her go.

Pushing away is my specialty.

"I have to go." I was not going into this. Not here and not with Nikki.

"What! No, please talk to me. Let me help you baby."

"I don't want to talk about this. Not now and I don't know if I'll ever want to talk about it but I do know that I have to go."

I started to walk a way.

"But you'll talk to Spencer about your family problems." Talk about crossing the lines. I turned around to see her standing there with her arms crossed and anger written all over her face.

"That was before you and I knew eachother Nikki. Spencer and I were friends before we got together so why wouldn't I talk to someone about it."

"I'm your girlfriend and you won't even say a word to me. You hide yourself and push me away."

"I just don't want to talk about it right now. Why don't you understand that? When and if I want to talk about it than I'll talk to you but until then than I'm going to ignore the situation."

I started walking away and she didn't stop there.

"Than maybe when you're ready to talk to me than you'll be ready to be with me. It's obvious you don't want to be with me."

You have got to be kidding me right now.

"I never said that Nikki!"

"No but I am. Maybe we shouldn't be together."

"Just because I won't talk to you about my personal life. Just because I don't want to let you see how much this hurts me inside or how much I wish I was different so my mom wouldn't hate me so much. Is that what you want to hear Nikki. Do you want to hear how much I think about killing myself because none of my friends like me anymore since I came out at school? Do you want to know how much I cry because I feel like I don't have anyone?"

Tears were falling. Nikki came up to me but I backed away. She was not going to just tell me that we shouldn't be together and than right when things come out want to be right by my side.

Hell no!

"Baby I'm so-"

"No! Don't! You're right. Maybe we shouldn't be together."

I left her standing there with tears in her eyes but I wasn't caring for one moment because she asked for it not me.

**(A/N-Hey you guys...wow spring break sure went fast...hmm maybe thats because I had to work the whole time...damn it!!! LOL hahaha ANyways thx for all the reviews and the adds for this story and all of my other stories...you guys are great!!! So sorry for the delay...I just moved and let me tell you it was a pain but I'm all done and to let you know I'm moving again in less than a month. Hahaha...I'm going to be with the girlfriend!!! IM SO FREAKIN EXCITED!!! Anyways now you know my life story hahaha. You know what to do...Leave the love :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Spencers POV **

**Hey you guys I was reading over the last chpt and I found quite a few errors and I wanted to apologize for those. I was in a rush and didn't get a chance to edit most of the story. Hope u forgive.**

I wandered for a hour not really caring where I ended up but I had to get away and out of the house. 

So much has happened within these last four months and sometimes I don't even know how to process it. At one point here I am engaged to be married and than something changes inside of me. She got herself into my heart and here I am loving the feeling more than I've ever felt with Jason.

Ashley has changed my life and even though things are really complicated right now I wouldn't have it any other way. Of course I would be with her but for right now she has a girlfriend and I was going to respect that.

I just wish she was mine and not Nikkis.

xoxo

I laid in my bed thinking of Ashley. Wondering what she was thinking about.

Hmm would she be awake. I looked at the clock.

3:25 A.M

Yeah I know I should be asleep but I can't get my brain to calm down. It's running a mile a minute just thinking about how beautiful she is. How I love her curls that fall off her shoulders. Her beautiful brown eyes that see through mine and sometimes makes me wonder if she knows what I'm thinking. Her body that has ever curve in all the right places.

SHIT!

I wanted her.

_Ring Ring Ring_

What the hell? I swear if it's Jason I was going to yell at him so loud for interrupting my thoughts of Ashley.

I leaned over my bed and picked my phone up and to my amazement it wasn't Jason. It was Ashley. I don't think I can describe how big my smile was when I saw her name displayed on the phone. She was calling me. She was calling me to talk.

Wait, why was she calling me at 3:29 in the morning for?

"Hello." I said into the phone as I made myself comfortable on the bed. I wanted to fall asleep to her voice. Now that voice can definitely put me to bed.

I waited to hear her responce but there was nothing. Nothing at all. Than I heard it. She was sobbing on the other line. I could hear the pain in her sobs and right at the moment I wanted to be right next to her holding her. Telling her that everything was going to be ok.

"Ash. Ashley what's wrong? Ashley I'm ready to listen when you want to talk." I wasn't going to push her. When she was ready than I would be ready as well.

"I-I-I need y-you." It literally killed me hearing her voice over the phone. I was on the verge of crying myself.

"Where are you? I'll come to you."

"M-My place. P-P-Please hurry." I was out of the bed in a heart beat and was throughing on a jacket and grabbed my keys. I didn't care if I was in my pajamas. I just wanted to get to her as fast as I could so I could there with her.

Where the hell was Nikki through all of this? Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that she was asking to see me but you would think she would want Nikki there with her.

"I'll be there in a few minutes Ash. I'm on my way."

Ashley didn't say anything after that. Instead she hung up the phone and I did the same. She sounded like she was completely hurting and I didn't want her to feel like. I wanted her happy.

Damn it Nikki! Where the hell are you?

**Ashleys POV **

I couldn't handle it anymore. I needed to talk to someone. I needed to talk to Spencer. So Nikki was right about me talking to Spencer but it didn't mean anything. I just found it so easy to talk to her about all this. Even from the beginning when we were still getting to know eachother. There was something with Spencer that let me talk about my life like she was right there with me seeing it all herself as well.

Why didn't Nikki understand this? Why did she have to push me so hard?

I love her.

I loved her.

Shit I don't know what the hell is going through my mind right now. What feelings are flowing through my veins. All I knew was that I wanted Spencer to be here.

Is that wrong of me?

xoxo

I waited in the living room because I didn't want Aiden to hear us talking in my room. He was sleeping and I knew that he was working early in the morning.

_Knock Knock Knock _

I got up with my blanket curled around my body and I walked over to the front door. I had finally got the tears to stop. I didn't want to have Spencer to see as a reck when she got here. Let me tell you that I've been crying ever since I left Nikki outside of the Cafe crying herself.

I was hurt about everything. My mom. My girlfriend breaking up with me because she couldn't wait until I was ready to talk about everything. Instead she thought it would make it better by breaking up with me. That was real considerate of her.

I opened up the door and found Spencer standing there in her pajamas and it made my heart race.

There it was. That feeling I had when I first saw her in the bookstore.

I was in trouble.

**Spencers POV **

When I saw Ashley standing there with puffy red eyes it nearly killed me. Who would want to make this beautiful woman cry like that for?

I didn't wait to hear her say anything. Instead I walked right up to her and I hugged her. I was afraid she was going to back away from me when I wrapped my arms around her but instead I was greeted with a tight squeeze from her.

Ashley and I sat down on the couch as I watched her lay there.

"I know this is a stupid question but how are you doing?" Yep I was right. It was the stupiest question I can ask someone. Especially after everything that has gone on lately.

"That would probably be the first question I would ask to. So it's not stupid. I finally stopped crying. I guess that's a good thing right." She looked at me with those eyes.

Man I was falling hard.

"Yeah that's a really good thing. This may not mean alot but I want you to know that I'm here for you when you want to talk. Anything. I'm listening." I looked at her mouth. I wanted to kiss those lips of hers. I saw a slight smile spread across those gorgeous lips of hers.

Yes! I made her smile.

"Thank you and trust me it means the world to me right now."

I had to ask. I don't know why I did but I just had to know.

"I know I'm going to kick myself in the ass for this question."

"What?" Ashley was sitting up now staring at me.

"Where is Nikki? Shouldn't she be here with her girlfriend. Not that I don't love being here because I do but I just don't understand why I am when you have her."

Yeah that hurt me a hundred times over just saying that to her. Ashley looked down at her blanket and I knew with just that gesture that there was something going on.

"Nikki and I broke up earlier this evening. She got all pissed off because I wasn't telling anything about the way I was feeling. I wasn't ready to say anything to her. I know that makes me a bad girlfriend but-"

"No it doesn't." I cut in because I didn't like the fact that she was putting herself down.

"She should have respected your feelings and waited. I swear I don't understand her at all. Sorry don't mean to put down your girlfriend but she pretty much outed me to my brother and I'm not even sure about what is going to happen now."

I saw Ashleys mouth drop and she was giving me her full attention now.

"Are you serious?! She told Glen that you like girls?"

I shook my head up and down letting her know that that was exactly what she did.

"I'm so sorry Spencer. I swear I never thought she would do something like that. It's your decision when to say something to your parents. Wow that is crazy. Do you think Glen is going to say something?"

"I really don't know. I hope not but who knows."

Ashley and I sat there talking for what seems like forever. Actually it was for 3 hours and than Aiden got up for work. He stood there looking at the both of us and right when I thought he was going to say something he just left us there.

Wise choice Aiden. I didn't feel like getting into anything now. Especially with Spencer here.

xoxo

Aiden was gone to work.

Ashley and I both sat on the couch with the TV on but I couldn't concentrate. The girl that I was falling in love with was right by myside and all I wanted to do is be in her arms. Please don't let me do anything that was going to ruin this moment we were sharing.

"What are you thinking?" I was pulled out of my thoughts of kissing Ashley when I hear her speak to me.

Oh speak again.

"Huh?"

"You seem like you're a million miles away. Are you ok?" I loved how she was concerned for me when I was here for her and how she was feeling.

"Oh ya. I guess I just have alot on my mind that's all."

"Are you scared your brother is going to say something to your parents?" Good question.

"Part of me is but the other part is fine with it. I just know that I'm going to have a rough time with my mom as well. Dad is pretty liberal with life styles. He thinks that if you love someone and they love you back just the same than it shouldn't matter the race or gender."

"Wow. It sounds like you have a great dad. Is your mom going to flip like my mom?"

Another good question.

"Let's just say that it's a good thing that I already live out on my own other wise I would probably have to start looking for a place." I looked at Ashley and I could tell that I had maybe said something that upset her.

"I'm sorry Ash." I placed my hand on her knee and she looked up at me right when I touched her. Of course with her view at me it made me back away.

"Sorry." I said again as I could feel my cheeks flair up red.

"Don't be please. I like your touch." Those words just hit me right in the face. Did she just tell me that she loved my touch. Oh wow don't get to excited. It would kill me if I was mistake at how she was feeling.

"What does that mean Ash?" I brought my legs up to my chest and sat there waiting to hear what she was going to say. I needed to know how she was feeling and what was going on here.

**Ashleys POV **

I told her that I liked her touch. Are you kidding me Ashley? How could you jump into a statement like that? Especially after everything that has been happening lately. Yes you know that Spencer has feelings for you but for something to happen right now wouldn't be right. I didn't want her to be a rebound. I know she wouldn't think that but I didn't even know if I wanted to jump into something so soon.

Ashley don't mess this up. You need Spencer in your life.

"I just meant that your touch is very comforting. You've made me feel safe in so many ways. I just love that feeling." Did I see her frown? Did I say something that she didn't want to hear?

Way to go Ashley!

Spencer started moving in her seat and that was starting to make me go crazy inside.

"I need to come clean with you Ashley. I need to tell you how everything is sitting in my head right now because I don't want something to get mistaken right now. I care for you alot. So much that it killed me inside when I knew that you were with Nikki but I wasn't going to do anything. I knew that you loved her or still love her so I didn't want to make things complicated. It already started out bad and that just made me feel worse about myself. I'll wait for you as long as I have to but just know that im not going anywhere." Spencer got up from her seat.

"Are you leaving?" I asked her as I stood up with her. I so did not want her to leave.

"Yeah. I think I should be going before I do something that is going to mess things up right now and I don't want us to be in weird terms with eachother."

I knew what she was talking about because I wanted to do something with her as well. That would just confuse things even more with us. We needed to take our time with this all.

Spencer walked over to the door and I walked her over there.

"Can I call you?" I asked her as she turned around to look at me as she stood outside of the door.

Spencer smiled at me and than she walked over to me and as my heart was beating a thousand miles a minute she kissed my cheek. Oh please kiss me more.

"I'll call you." We both smiled and I watcher her walk away from my door wanting to go after her and kiss her right on those beautiful lips of hers.

I guess I will have to wait for that kiss again.

**(A/N: Hey you guys wats going on??? So I'm so glad you guys loved the last chpt...hahaha it was one i liked as well. Well i got to get this chpt up so if there is errors than please forgive me...I want to get this up for you all. You know what to do...leave the love :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**Ashleys POV **

After I called Spencer that night to come over we have been talking almost every day now for the past last week. It makes me glad to know that I have her to talk to about everything that is going through my mind with the family situation. I told her that I would always be there for her if she needed someone to talk about with her family status as well.

The fact that Nikki came out and told her brother about her liking girls was beyond wrong. How do you do that to someone? Your ex bestfriend. It's just beyond wrong in so many ways. It's like Madison telling my parents about me. That ruined everything for me. I mean yeah I would of came out eventually but I wanted it to be from my mouth and not from Madison. It's my personal life. It's my choices.

xoxo

The week went by pretty fast and with me not being at school it was perfect for me to get caught up on school work. Yeah I know I had let things slip when I got together with Nikki which is why I was trying to catch up now.

So that Sunday before I had to head back to school I was doing my homework.

I swear when they put you on Suspension they load you with so much more school work than on a regular bases.

Spencer was at work. Is it me or does it seem like she is never at work? I guess now having no Jason at the place she had to start working alittle more than before. She was the only one who was paying the bills now. I thought it was hard just working and sharing my bills with Aiden but Spencer had it worse off than me. Of course I told her if she ever needed help than she can just let me know and I would help out in any way possible. Spencer being Spencer, she would always come out and tell me that she could pull it off.

Pride can really bite you in the ass sometimes. She had to know that I was going to help her in anyway possible because I care about her and I didn't want her to have to go back to her parents house. If she did that than I know I was never going to get to see her nearly as much as I do now. Especially with Glen still living there. Please tell me why he is there and Spencer was out of the house over a year now. He needed to get off his ass and do something that's for sure.

Not only was Spencer doing work but she had 2 months left of school as well. All the time that I'm with her she never brings up anything from school or work. I mean I know that she doesn't have to talk to me but I would think she would talk about it alittle.

Oh well. If she is good than so am I.

xoxo

_Knock Knock. _

I got up from the couch and I headed over to the front door maybe hoping Spencer was off of work early and we could do homework together.

When I opened up the door Nikki was standing there with flowers in her hands.

You have got to be joking me.

Without even a word from her or me I closed the door. A second later she was knocking on the door again. I wasn't going to turn around to answer it but she wouldn't go away. All I kept on hearing was my name through the front door and the knocking of her hand.

"What do you want Nikki?" I asked as soon as I opened up the front door to see her standing there with tears in her eyes now. After all of this time now she was showing up at my door trying to make things right with us.

"Please can we talk."

"We have nothing to talk about." I told her because it was true. The only things that I wanted to say to her were hurtful and I didn't want to do that to her. I do have a heart you know.

"If you loved me at all than you will please talk with me." How was she going to pull that when she was the one who had ended things with us over something that could of been dealt with instead she decided to be selfish about the whole situation.

"Please!" I stood there with the door in my hand wanting to close it at that exact moment but I didn't have the heart to do it.

I stepped out of the way and I opened up the door for her. Nikki walked into the living room and I followed her right in there.

"What do you want to talk about Nikki?" I asked her as I sat down on the couch and she sat on the chair across from the chair. That was good for me because I didn't know what she had planned in her head and I didn't want to find out.

"I've missed you so much."

"That's why you haven't called or even attempted to come over and talk with me. You also have to remember that you broke up with me so why would there be a reason for us to talk at all."

I was being truthful with her and I wasn't really caring if I was hurting her because she hurt me enough to know that it was long over due for it.

"I knew that you were upset Ashley. I wanted to give you time to cool off and I thought I would come over today to apologize and tell you that I want you back. I guess just knowing that you can talk with Spencer more than you can talk with me hurt me in so many ways that I didn't know how to handle it. You know I didn't mean to hurt you at all."

"But you did Nikki. You couldn't even wait for me to deal with things myself. Instead you had to come out and tell me that you don't want to be with me because I couldn't talk with you at that moment. How do you think that made me feel?"

"I'm so sorry Ashley. This whole week all I've been thinking about is how stupid I was for breaking up with you. I miss you so much that it hurts when I don't get to hear your voice at night. I miss that Ash." Nikki was now sitting next to me on the couch and I was hearing all of this that she was saying to me. I would love to believe her but there was Spencer now. Spencer has been there for me since everything happened. I mean we aren't together but theres something there and I don't know exactly what to make of it.

"What are you thinking?" I looked up at Nikki and I remembered why I fell for her. She was the sweetest person I had met. Of course that was all before I heard everything that she had said to Glen. Out of anything you do not do something like that.

"Did you tell Glen that Spencer was into girls?" Nikki looked directly at me and I could see her eyes get wide and I knew that what I just told her was all true. I seriously could not believe it.

I stood up from the couch and I started to pace around the living room.

"I know it was wrong and I shouldn't have said anything but I was so pissed off at the time. The fact that he was right there and I was mad with her than I wanted to get back at her."

"YOU DON'T DO THAT NIKKI!" I was pissed.

"Out of anything that you could of done that was really low. To go and tell her brother that she's gay is bullshit. If you weren't out and someone who was close to you came out and told your biggest secret that you weren't ready to tell you'd be beyond pissed at them. I sure as hell know that you wouldn't like it at all."

"I know that and I said that I'm sorry. If I could take it back than I would but I can't now. What's done is done." She had a point there.

"You should at least apologize to Spencer." Nikki looked up at me and I knew that I had hit something with her. She didn't like the fact that I even mentioned that to her.

"Excuse me."

"Don't you think that you should at least say that your sorry for saying something like that?"

"I know that I shouldn't have said anything but I'm not going to apologize to her. Are you guys talking now?"

"We are friends Nikki. Of course we're going to talk."

"Let me guess you're talking to her about everything. About me. About your parents."

"I think that you should go Nikki." She was acting like she was jealous when we weren't even going out anymore.

"You wanted me to dump you so you could get with Spencer huh?" Now I know she was going crazy.

"NO! I loved you. I trusted you. I wanted to spend my life with you but you are the one who ruined that all. You made your choice, so don't try to turn this shit on me. You screwed up so now you're going to have to deal with it." I walked over to the front door and opened it up so she would leave.

Nikki looked at me the whole time and I stood there waiting until she walked out the door. I didn't want her there anymore. I thought that maybe we could become friends in the future but with her acting the way she was I didn't see that happening anytime soon.

"I really wish that we could have worked out. I really miss having you in my arms. I miss hearing your voice when I go to sleep at night." Hearing her say that hit something in my heart and I could feel myself about to cry. I missed all of that myself. She meant alot to me and to have everything end the way it did was wrong.

**Spencers POV **

After I got out of work that afternoon I decided that I would head over to Ashleys and see what she was doing. I knew that she had school tomorrow so I wanted to at least spend the rest of the day with her before she had to go back.

Of course when I showed up I sat in my car watching Nikki walk out of Ashleys place. At first I didn't think anything about it. I thought it was her attempt to get back with Ashley but I knew that she didn't want to get back with her. She had feelings for me. I knew that she had feelings for me. Well that's what I believe in my heart that is.

So I sat there waiting for her to leave when I see her lean over and kiss Ashley on the lips. The heart tighten in my chest and I couldn't breathe.

Please move away Ashley.

Ashley didn't move away and didn't even say anything to her about it. I watched them look at eachother for a second and than Nikki left. I shouldn't be mad. We aren't together. I should just deal with it and take it as a farewell kiss.

But why the hell would Ashley not want to push her away after everything that she said?

I wasn't in the mood to go up to Ashleys place so as soon as I saw Nikki get into her car and drive away I took off myself.

I knew that if I went into the house I would want to know what the hell was she doing there for and than I would just get upset. I didn't want to have to be a jealous girlfriend when I wasn't a girlfriend at all.

xoxo

12:37 A.M

_Ring Ring _

I was laying there in bed with my phone going off knowing exactly who it was but I didn't want to answer it. Yes I was still sore about everything that I saw this afternoon. So of course I thought I would give myself a day or so to think about things. I know I like her. Hell I'm sure I love her but I wasn't sure that Ashley was feeling the same way about me and right now I didn't know if I could handle that.

_Ring Ring _

2:15 A.M.

What is going on Ashley? Don't you understand that I don't want to talk right now. I looked over at my phone and I had 5 missed calls. I scrolled down the numbers and I was thinking that all of them were going to be Ashleys but they weren't.

I had 2 missed calls from Nikki.

Nikki? Why the hell was she going to call me for? So I go straight to my voicemail and listen to my messages. I had to know what the hell was going on.

_"You have 5 new voicemails." _

_"First message...You ruined my relationship with Ashley. She was everything to me-." _

I could hear her crying as Nikki was telling me this on the phone. Hell she even sounded like she was drunk.

_"Why did you have to go and take away the one person that meant the world to me and take her for yourself? Just because you weren't happy didn't mean that you had to go and ruin my life. I swear I hate you." _

_Click. _

Wow that woman had to be way drunk to leave a message like that. She was so lucky that I didn't answer the phone. The hell if I would of let her say all that shit to me and not hear something from me.

_"Second message...Spencer where are you? I thought you were going to come by the house today. I was waiting for you and everything. Well I hope everything is ok. I miss you." _

Sure you miss me. Yeah I know I'm still alittle sore about everything I saw yesterday.

_"Third message...Spencer can you please at least call me and let me know that you are doing ok." _

That message wasn't that long.

_"Fourth message...I-I-I cat live no more. No reason for me to live. I hope you happy. You did this." _

_Click _

What the hell? That had to be Nikki again. She sounded even worse than before. I swear I hated when she would get drunk she acted the complete opposite of herself.

_Fifth message...SPENCER! I know that I shouldn't be talking about Nikki right now but I think she's going to commite suicide-" _

My eyes went wide and I could believe what I was hearing from Ashleys lips. Did she just say that she was afraid that Nikki was going to commite suicide. She wouldn't do that.

Would she?

_"She's called me four times already and I thought that she was just drunk but I'm afraid she's going to do something to herself. I need your help. I don't know how to deal with this on my own. She was your bestfriend. Where would she go? What do I do? Please call me Spencer I'm starting to freak out." _

_CLICK. _

I should of picked up the damn phone.

**(A/N: Hey you guys...man I love my reviews everytime I read them. They are great and totally make my days...you guys rock...thanks for staying with me as I write this story...sorry if its slower than usual but with everything lately I don't have that much time to write but when I do I try to get it done as soon as I can. Well I have to go and get this post up now...you know what to do...LEAVE THE LOVE :)**


	19. Chapter 19

**Spencer POV**

Just hearing Ashleys voice on the other end of the line had made me jump out of bed and get dressed quick. I didn't know what was going on or what the situation was at this moment. For all I knew Nikki had already done something and she was lying dead in her place. I didn't know what it was but I was starting to feel that maybe this was my fault. Maybe I had gone to far and now things were looking really bad.

I didn't know what to do or what to say. I just hope that Ashley isn't completely upset with me.

**Ashleys POV **

Please don't be dead! Please don't be dead!

That was all I was thinking when I showed up at Nikkis. I had tried to call her cell phone but she wasn't answering it to me even though I know she knew I was calling. Hearing her voice on the phone and with how she sounded totally killed me. Yeah I know that we aren't together anymore but I still cared for her and I would do whatever it took to be friends with her. Now here we are at a situation that was crushing me in pieces because I was thinking that if I hadn't kicked her out of the house this morning that everything would be fine right now. Maybe we would of been friends still but no instead I didn't know if she was ok or not.

I got to her house. There was no answer and I knew that I had to get in. I had to see if she was inside hurt or just trying to ignore me.

I had to know.

So I went up to the apartment building manager and I told him that I was afraid for her life and I just had to see if she was in there ok. At first he wasn't going to let me in there because he didn't know who I was and I wasn't on the lease of the apartment but when I said she was suicidal he changed his mind.

I'm guessing he didn't want any dead bodies on his hands. So when the manager let me in the place I went from room to room looking for her when I found her laying on the bathroom floor. A bottle of pills next to her just laying there. I couldn't believe my eyes. She was actually laying there unconscious.

I screamed for the guy to call for a ambulance as I went to her side. He stood there in the door frame shocked at what he was seeing himself. I screamed at him to call and he finally snapped out of it. I had her in my arms as I was looking for a pulse but I couldn't find one. I had to do CPR. I had to do something. If she died because of me I don't think I would be able to live with myself.

I opened her air ways with my finger as I lifted her head back as I took two breathes into her.

"Breathe damn it! Breathe!" I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks and I was in shock of everything. Here I was dating her one minute and now I was here trying to save her life.

I then went to compreshions to her chest. I was so glad that my parents would make me take CPR lessons every summer. At the time though I didn't think that I would need it but I did it anyways to humor them. Instead here I was so happy that they made me take those lessons.

I went from breething twice to ten compreshions at a time just waiting for the ambulance to get there.

It was about ten minutes into it that they finally showed up. I had got her breething but she wasn't awake or coherent about anything. She still had all those pills in her that I knew they were going to have to pump out of her system. She wasn't out of the clear yet.

"It's a good thing that you were here to find her other wise your friend wouldn't be alive at this moment."

My friend.

Were we even friends? Did I ruin everything with her when I pushed her out of my door this morning? I didn't know what to think anymore.

Where was Spencer when I needed her? Why didn't she call me back? I know that she doesn't care for Nikki anymore but you would at least think that she would at least call to see how I was doing or something?

I rode with Nikki in the back of the ambulance. I watched them pump her stomach right there in the back and I couldn't believe any of it. I didn't want to believe that she was committing suicide because of something that I did or even something that I said to her.

I could feel myself falling apart and I didn't enjoy it one bit. I needed someone to tell me that everything was going to be ok. I needed someone to tell me that it wasn't my fault. I needed that security.

I needed Spencer.

**Spencers POV **

I tried calling Ashleys cell but she wasn't picking up. Why wasn't she answering my calls now? I pulled up at Ashleys place at 3:35 in the morning and I had to see if she was there. I knocked a few times and I wasn't getting a responce. Just when I turned away to go back to my car Aiden came out of the house dressed and looking like he just got out of the shower.

"Hey is Ashley here?"

"Didn't you hear?" How are you going to start off a conversation like that?

"No! What?"

"Ashley took the car and went to Nikkis house to see if she was doing ok. Ashley found her there unconscious and had taken a bottle of pills. She's at the hospital now with her. I was just here getting ready and I was going to head over to see how everything was going." Hearing all of that from Aiden bout killed me. She did try to do it. She did try to take her life. I turned back around and I went straight to my car.

"Do you think I can ride with you?" I yelled yes as I got into the car and Aiden followed right after me.

That's why she wasn't picking up the phone. She was trying to save Nikkis life while I was ignoring her calls in the beginning. Ashley was going to hate me for this. I didn't know how we are going to get through this when we both know that Nikki was doing this because of her not being with Ashley and me taking her away from Nikki.

Why is this happening?

Aiden and I drove in silence. I didn't want to talk and with the way I must look I'm sure he was getting the idea that I wasn't in the mood to talk either.

I was afraid that things weren't going to go ok with us after this. I mean I know that we weren't together but I was hoping soon that we would get together. At least that's the feeling that I was getting from her whenever we would get a chance to hangout with eachother.

I know she likes me. I just hope that it didn't change.

xoxo

Aiden went straight into the hospital and I sat in the car for a little bit. Knowing that Ashley was in there with Nikki hopefully laying in a bed and not a body bag was really starting to get to me.

"Are you coming in?" Aiden asked as I sat there.

"Ya. I'll be there in a few." Aiden took a second and than he left the car.

Come on Spencer you have to be there for Ashley. Maybe she is waiting for you to walk through that door so she has someone to be by her side while she is by Nikkis side. Just get out of this car and go see your girl.

I grabbed my purse and I made my way into the hospital. I went straight to the lady at the front desk to ask what room Nikki was in.

"Excuse me."

"Yes." The receptonist looked up at me with a smile.

"What room is Nikki Barton in?" The nurse turned from me and went to check it up on the computer.

"She's in 210." Her voice sent shivers down my back. I turned and there stood Ashley looking like she has been through hell and back. I left the front desk and I walked over to Ashley. I wanted to give her a hug and apologize so bad but there was this feeling inside of me telling me that she wasn't in the mood to hear what I had to say to her.

Ashley turned and started walking towards the elevators to head back up to Nikkis room. So I followed right behind her and I felt the coldness set into my skin as we both stood there in the elevator together.

"Ashley-"

"Don't Spencer. Please. Right now I just want to be there so Nikki knows that there's someone there for her when she wakes up from this."

"I'm sorry about everything." Ashley turned and looked at me as if she didn't want to hear what I had to say.

"Maybe we can talk about this later. Not right now." The doors opened and Ash started walking out of the elevator and all I could do is follow and keep my mouth shut because I didn't know what to do or say to her. I want us to be good. I just wanted Ashley.

**Ashleys POV **

When I heard that Spencer was at the hospital with Aiden I was happy to know that she came but I was still upset about everything. This was not something that I thought could be forgive in a second because I could of used her help earlier. Even if she didn't want to be there for Nikki I still needed her to be there for me.

It felt super awkward being in the elevator with her and than when she started talking to me I knew that I wasn't ready to hear anything that she had to say. I didn't want a argument in the hospital. We would talk about this when I didn't have a hundred and one things on my mind.

Nikkis parents had got to the hospital shortly after Nikki had been admitted. I got the phone number out of Nikkis cell so I could let them know what had happened with her. I know I would want to know if my daughter had tried to kill herself.

Unlike my mom. She would probably say that I got what I deserved.

Ya she is a cold hearted bitch.

xoxo

"Spencer!" Mrs. Barton said as soon as we walked throught the door to the room. I looked back at Spencer and she put on a smile for Nikkis mom.

How kind of her.

"Mrs. Barton." Spencer walked over to her and gave her a hug. Mrs. Barton just cried in Spencers arms. It was as if she didn't have any idea that Spencer and Nikki weren't friends anymore. As if everything was still great between them.

"I'm so glad that you are here. How could Nicole do this Spencer? How could she be so stupid and careless when she has so many people who care about her?" I stood there watching them talk as if I wasn't in the room. Last time I checked I was the one who found her and saved her life.

Where was everyone else?

I took a seat in the chair next to the door as I sat there thinking about when Mrs. Barton had came into the room when she first got here. She barely even glanced at me and than went straight to Nikki. As if I had told her to take all those pills and kill herself.

Mrs. Barton would look at me from time to time as if she wanted to blame me for all of this. Did Nikki tell her that we weren't together anymore? Did Nikki tell her mom that I cheated on her? I know that she didn't say anything about Spencer because here Mrs. Barton was acting like she was the only one in the room noticable right now.

Maybe I should just leave.

Maybe I didn't need to be here when Nikki came out of this all.

Maybe just maybe I wouldn't be welcomed like I'm hoping I want to be. For all I know Nikki is going to throw a fit at me when she sees that I'm in the room with her family and Spencer. Don't even get me started on that situation because I know she won't like to see Spencer there. No matter what she has said to her parents or haven't said, she wasn't going to like it one bit.

No matter what stairs Im getting from her mom or even from Spencer I was going to sit in this chair and make sure that she knows that I saved her life and I wanted to be there for her.

**(A/N: Yes I know that it has been forever and even my GF has been giving me grief about not posting a chpt lol...Yes I suck sorry. Like I've said plenty of times I get these times where I write all the time and than I don't want to write at all. But here I am being creative tonight and I wanted to post a chpt. Hope there is still a few readers out there not forgetting about me lol. Well you guys know what to do :) LEAVE THE LOVE)**


	20. Chapter 20

**Spencers POV **

I actually got Mr. and Mrs. Barton to head to the cafeteria for something to eat while Ashley and I sit here with Nikki. I knew that Ashley wasn't ready to talk with me but I thought that it would get me a apportunity to at least try. That's all I could do right now.

"Can we please talk?" I looked at her as she sat there in the chair by Nikki. I know that I shouldn't be jealous but it seemed like Ashley regretted breaking up with Nikki as she sat there next to her.

Stop it Spencer!

She's just worried about her and wants her to be ok. I know that we've gone through some stuff but I wanted her to be ok as well. I never wanted anything to happen with Nikki and it totally sucks that she chose to do this to herself. How was she going to do this to herself? I was thinking the same exact thing that her mom was. No matter what had happened between all of us doesn't mean that she should go out and try to kill herself.

"I don't think that this is the right time or place to talk about this." She was right but I hated being in the same room with her and not get a responce from her at all.

"I should of been there when you called me but I was being stupid and hurt about something that I shouldn't have been. I hate that I left you to have to deal with this all Nikki was not your problem-"

"Spencer she's my girlfriend!" YOUR GIRLFRIEND. Did I hear her right? Did she just come out and tell me that Nikki STILL is her girlfriend or did she just make a mistake?

"You mean your ex-girlfriend?" I couldn't help not correcting her because that would totally strick me hard if I knew that I was trying to get into her life if she was still with her after everything that she had done to me.

"DAMN IT SPENCER! Will you please STOP! I told you that I don't want to talk about this right now. Nikki is laying here barely alive and all you can think about is if we are together or not. How can you be like that? She WAS your bestfriend. Don't you feel anything for her at all? Don't you have a heart?"

xoxo

_"Don't you have a heart?" _

Those words rung through my head the whole way back to my place. I couldn't stay at the hospital after Ashley blowing up at me. I knew that she didn't want me there so I left right after she was done yelling at me.

I should of left when I knew that I had no chance in talking with her about everything but no I chose to stay there and get my heart crushed into the floor. To get walked on and feel like I was the lowest person alive. Well so Spencer said to me right when I left out the door to the hospital.

_"I've met some pretty low people in my life but you have definitely managed to make your way up there in that group of people in my life." _

That pretty much did it for me and I knew that I had to get away from there. Ashley didn't want me there, and I know that when Nikki wakes up she won't want to see me either. If Ashley wanted to talk to me than she can find me. I was going to stop trying and stop putting myself out there so I can continue to get crushed.

I didn't deserve it.

**Ashleys POV **

Do you think I was being way harsh on Spencer?

I mean come on she was acting so selffish when her bestfriend or ex-bestfriend was laying in a hospital bed fighting for her life.

Who the hell does that?

Yes I wanted to talk with her but this was not the place nor the time to have a discussion like I know we were going to have. I wanted us to have both level heads on. Instead she continued to push me and it just made me snap. I mean I went off on her and after I did I felt like the biggest bitch.

What would you do if you were in my place?

xoxo

It's been three hours since Spencer left and I'm walking around the hospital thinking about everything that I told her before she left. I don't like being that person. I don't like the fact that I had hurt her in a way that I didn't know what was going to be of us anymore. Yes there was a point where I wanted to be with her and share so much with her but than this happened and I don't know anymore.

When I was finished of walking around that hospital I made it back to Nikkis room and it was loud in there. Everyone was surrounded around Nikkis bed and than I made myself through the crowd and Nikki was sitting up in the bed. She was awake.

Nikki was finally awake.

She looked directly at me with a slow smile coming to her face when she saw me.

What was I suppose to say?

"I knew you would be here. You don't know how much it means to see you here for me."

What did she mean about that? How would she know that I would be here for her? How would she figure that I would want to be here after everything happened between us all?

Her family members smiled at me for the first time that day and I stood there like I shouldn't be there.

**(A/N:Yes its short but for right now this is what I have up...what do you guys think about everything that happened with Spencer and Ashley?? Don't worry we are talking about a SPASHLEY here but things are creeping there...hahaha I love a challenge. Well you know what to do...leave the love plzz!!!)**


	21. Chapter 21

**Ashleys POV **

It's been three days since the last time I talked with Spencer. I tried to go over her place right after I left the hospital that night when Nikki woke up but she wasn't there. Spencer has been a huge part of my life since I came out but everything that happened between Nikki, things have been a mess.

Were we friends?

Would we ever be something more?

I guess that would have to depend on whether or not Spencer would forgive me for being the bitch that I was.

xoxo

"What's going on with you and Spencer?" I was walking into the kitchen and Aiden was there making something to eat before he went to the cafe. I however did not go to school because Nikki had asked me to come over to her place because she wanted to spend some time with me.

Ya I know you must be thinking that I'm making a big mistake and I'm sure that I am but for some reason I feel that I have to be there for her right now. I don't want her to go and try to pull any more of her shit like before. Than I would know that it was all of my fault and I would hate myself even more.

"Nothing's going on. Why?" I asked him as I was grabbing a drink from the fridge.

"I haven't seen her ever since the Nikki incident. In fact all you've been doing is spending all your time with Nikki. Don't you think that her family should be spending their time with her instead of you?"

Good idea but for some reason I haven't seen them around the apartment since the first night she came back home. Talk about love. One minute they were surrounded around her like she was never going to open her eyes and the next they stayed clear of her. I wonder why that was?

"I just don't want to leave her alone." I looked at him and Aiden just turned away from me and went walking over to the couch to eat his food.

"Why aren't you saying anything? I'm sure that there's tons on your mind right now but you seem to be keeping it to yourself. That's so not you Aiden."

"Your right, it's not me. I think it's great that you want to be there for Nikki but I also think that there is something wrong with her and the more you spend time with her she is going to expect you to be there all the time. You guys broke up. Don't you think that you should be spending your time on someone that is more sane?"

That was harsh of him to say that about Nikki. Yeah I know that she is having problems but I don't see where that makes her crazy.

"Aiden you don't know what you are talking about." I started to walk towards the front door so I could leave because I was not wanting to get into a argument with him over all of this. Just before I walked out the door he stops my heart wit a few words.

"You're going to lose her if you don't go to her."

He didn't have to say names. I knew exactly who he was talking about with just the way he said it to me. I would lose Spencer if I didn't do something about. If I didn't get my head out of my ass and try to talk with her. Try to make things better in some way or another.

How could I just leave Nikki at the state that she was in though?

How could I give up on the first girl that fell in love with me?

I guess the biggest question was if I was ever in love with her?

**Spencers POV **

I stayed busy. I tried my hardest not to think of a word that she has ever said to me before. I knew that if I did that than it wouldn't hurt as much in my heart. I'm so completely in love with her but she doesn't see that one bit. She doesn't see how I would stop everything just to share these feelings with her.

All I want is for her to have the same feelings as I do. To share her heart with me just like the way she shared with Nikki. Even though I don't think Nikki deserved her love. Listen to me, all this hate in me is what got Ashley mad at me in the beginning. It's what got us arguring and than yelling all because Nikki was selffish and tried to take her life. The girl could never do good alone that was for sure.

Nikki hadn't had a stable relationship since almost two years ago and that lasted maybe about a year. Nikki took it hard and I was there for her but after that all she did was hop from relationship to relationship. Maybe I shouldn't have introduced them. Ashley came off being a great person and at the time I was thinking that she would be good for Nikki. Of course that was before I started talking to her more and getting to know everything about her. Before I totally feel in love with her.

Now here I am wishing that I took opportunity to be wit we aren't even talking with eachother. That's whats hurting the most right now.

Not seeing her.

Not talking to her.

Not being able to love her the way I want to love her.

xoxo

Ring. Ring. Ring.

I was sitting in my bed watching TV not really paying attention to anything when my phone starts to go off.

I looked at the time.

9:55 P.M.

I glanced at my cell phone and it read Aiden. What was he doing calling me at this time of night? Should I answer it? Maybe it's Ashley calling me on his phone? Maybe there was something wrong with Ashley?

Damn it Spencer just answer the damn phone and see what's going on.

"Hello." I waited to hear the voice on the other line.

"Spencer?"

Uhhh I was so wishing that Ashley was calling me from his phone. So much for that.

"Yeah. What's going on Aiden?" I sat up waiting to hear what he had to say to me.

"Ashley need's you." Did he just say that, Ashley needed me? Why did she need me for? What was going on that she would need my help with?

"Why does she need my help Aiden? Doesn't she have her girlfriend to help her out?" I was tired of this. If Ashley and I weren't going to be anything than I didn't want to be friends with her either because it's just to hard to be friends with her. I can't do it anymore. I know that I am the reason for pushing her away but now I was also going to be the person to tell her that I didn't want to be in her life if we weren't together.

Is that bad of me?

"Everything that is going on with Nikki is bringing her down and I know that she want's to do something about it but she doesn't want to hurt Nikki again. She need's you. No matter what you guy's have been through I know that when she comes home from work or being with Nikki she is killing herself. She doesn't want to be with her. She want's you."

I closed my eyes thinking of Ashley in my head. I knew exactly how she felt because I needed her in my life to but something was telling me that she wasn't going to just let Nikki go like that. There is going to be trouble with me being with Ashley. Nikki won't have it. I know she won't. Right now she has Ashley right where she wants her and won't give her up without making Ashley feel like it's her fault again when in reality there's just something really wrong with her.

I just wish that Ashley would see that.

"If she want's to talk to me Aiden than she knows where I'm at. I'm not going to force her to talk to me because apparetly the last time I did that I got bitched at and I'm not ready to feel like shit again. Thank's for calling Aiden. I have to go."

I clicked the phone off before he had a chance to say anything else to me. I love Ashley, I do but wit Nikki in the way I didn't know where anything was going to go with us.

xoxo

That following morning I made my way to classes and didn't think of anything other than getting everything done for school. I was so glad that Nikki had stopped coming to classes because I don't know how much I was going to be able not to go up to her and tell her how much of bitch she was acting.

Harsh I know but shit I hated what she was doing to Ashley. Of course I'm sure that I could jump in there and tell her but for some odd reason I didn't think that the girl would handle something like and than try to kill herself again.

That girl need's more help than Ashley or her family can give her.

Talk about professional help.

So after classes were done I made my way over to the bookstore to grab the book that I had on hold. It's been a few days since I've been here only because I didn't want to run into Ashley just in case she was hanging out here when she wasn't with Nikki. I know that sounds wrong but truth be told if I had saw her I would want to just hold her and not worry about anything was going on around us. I wanted her to forget everything and be with me with no hesitation.

It could happen.

Right?

Not likely, I know.

xoxo

"Hey Spencer how are you doing? It's been awhile." Erica had greeted me when I walked threw the door. I walked over to the counter with a smile on my face trying to be as cheerful as I possibly could.

"Ya I know. Thing's have been weird lately and I've just bein keeping to myself. But anyways."

"Your book's in." I looked up at her and she had a smile on her face knowing that I would probably see that she was trying to cheer me up with her smile and to be honest it was really good to be talking with someone who was in a up beat mood.

Erica grabbed my book and than came back to me while I stood there looking around the store. Don't ask me why but I couldn't stop thinking of Ashley. Man I needed to get out of there.

"Here you go." I paid for my book and said bye to Erica. i made my way out of the store and just right then. There she was walking into the store just as I was walking out of it.

We both froze and it was like when I first saw her and couldn't breathe. She was so beautiful and for that one moment I felt like I could never stay mad her.

**(A/N: Soooo yes its been forever and I'm not sure if anyone will respond to this and if you do than I will be totally shocked out of my mind LOL...but hey if you don't than I understand that also. This chpt kinda failed for me and I jus needed to get this out because its been sitting here for the longest time and I've wanted to write for a long time now. Soo yeah well if you've read my stories before than you know exactly wat to do next. **

**Much luv to all the reviewers out there!!! If I still have any that is :) **


	22. Chapter 22

**C-Olive, Me4son, CC, Seyheystevierey, Lover. Of. All. Things. Beautiful., SomthgILike2do, xEyeKissedAGirlx, jono14, SouthSP91, mb168, wannabebo352, squintsquad03, and Hotcutii3. **

**WOW you guys rock!!! I was totally soo shocked and excited that I got reviews from you all!!! THANK U SOOO MUCH!!! :) **

**Here I am trying to get another post up soon. Hopefully it's good LOL. Jus got back from work but I'm ready to write again :) **

**Much Love to everyone else who have read the story but didnt comment...you guys are awesome as well...don't think I didn't remember you. Soo here goes another one for you all. **

**Ashleys POV **

I think my heart stopped. I know that this is the place that me and Spencer would see eachother but this time I didn't think that I would be seeing her here at all. Not where we would might run into eachother.

Say something Ashley. Talk to her and tell her how sorry you are for yelling at her and calling her those names that you did.

Shit! Tell her that you love her damn it.

After what seemed like forever at standing at the entrance and exit of the store Spencer kept walking and that's when I started to breathe again.

Don't let her get away again.

"Spencer!" I yelled out so she would stop. Well at least hope that she would stop for me that is.

She did. She did stop and I caught up with her and right when I got in front of her I had my heart beating out of my chest. Damn did she have an affect on me.

"Hi." Ok I finally get to talk to the girl and all I can bring up is 'Hi'. What kind of shit is that?

Spencer shook her head and kept on walking.

See I told you stupid that was the wrong thing to say to her. Go get her damn it.

"Wait. Please." Spencer turned back to me and this time she kept her head turned every which way except looking at me. No, that didn't hurt at all but I knew that I deserved it.

"What do you want Ashley? I have things that I have to do before I head home for the day." Damn I hurt her. I hurt her so bad that she couldn't even stand to be next to me for that long. I deserved everything that I was getting in return from her.

I stood there looking down at my shoes now not really knowing if what I had to say to her would even have an affect on her and how she feels about me now. Yes, I could come out and tell her that I loved her and I wanted to get back with her but would that make a difference now. Would me telling her that I wanted to spend all my time in her arms change her view on what type of person I am?

Would anything work?

"ASHLEY!" Spencer finally got through to me as I was standing there thinking to myself at how I was going to change her point of view of me.

I looked up and our eyes were locked. I could see her and I wanted to be there with her. I wanted so bad to make her happy instead of the way that I have been making her feel.

"I'm sorry. I know that doesn't mean much to you but I do mean every word. I'm sorry for going against you when you were trying to be there for me while everything had happened. I'm sorry for getting upset and calling you some words that I never meant to say at all. God I feel so horrible for the way I made you feel Spencer. "

The silence that was surrounding us was making me sick to my stomache. I didn't want her to hate me because I was stupid. I don't think that I would be able to deal with it.

No. Im not turning into Nikki, just in case you were thinking that.

Spencer continue to be quiet with me standing there not sure what was to come of us. Yes I wanted to be with her but at this very moment I was thinking that she didn't want to have anything to do with me.

Please say something to me.

Please tell me that you love me and want to be with me too.

PLEASE!

"Ashley I know that you were going through a lot with Nikki but all I wanted was to be there for you. I know that I should of just sat there with you instead of trying to talk with you but I had to get through to you. I didn't want you to blame me for anything that Nikki did to herself or you to blame yourself either."

"It was my fault." I don't know where that came from but it just came out. I know that everything that happened was my fault. She took everything out on herself because of what I did to her. I left her like I did and it just made things even worse because she couldn't handle it.

Spencer looked down at the ground and shook her head.

"See that's what she wants you to think. She wants you to think that it was all your fault, so she can keep you right there with her. You know what Ashley just call me when you figure things out with her because I can't deal with her anymore. Obviously you don't want to give up on it either. Bye."

xoxo

Just like that she was out of my life once again.

Why do I continue to ruin things between Spencer and me?

I know that we have a connection but theres something there that is keeping us at arms length.

That one thing is Nikki."

xoxo

"I can't believe that you let her get away again Ash. You guys both love eachother but no you keep letting her slip through your fingers. Why is that?"

I was standing at the cash register give a customer their coffee and muffin while Aiden was walking back and fourth from the stock room to the front. Of course right when I got into work I told him everything that had happened this afternoon when I saw Spencer coming out of the bookstore. The first place where it all happened for us but now it seems like it's the one place we don't want to see eachother at anymore.

Am I making sence?

"Thank you. Have a good night." I smiled at the customer as they walked away and I turned around to Aiden.

"I don't even know anymore. Like I know we are meant to be, well that's what I believe that is but I don't think that Spencer thinks that."

"She does." I looked over at him not sure what he was talking about.

"What do you mean? How would you know that?" Aiden continued to walk around acting like he was stocking when we both knew that he was done but he didn't want to have to answer the question. Something was going on with him. He seemed like he was way into involved with this.

"I just have a feeling that Spencer wants to be with you as well. That's all."

"Liar! I can tell when you are lying. NOW SPILL!" I was not going to let him get away from this when I knew that he was hidding something from me.

"Ok. Ok. So I went to go see Spencer."

Excuse me!

"What? Why would you do something like that Aiden? Yes I confide in you with this but it doesn't mean I need you to get involved with my personal life."

"To late babe. I am and you know it. Ever since the beginning when you wanted me to get her name for you. It all started back then." Ok so he was right but that didn't mean that I wanted him to and talk to Spencer for me. I could make a fool out of myself thank you very much.

"What did you say? What did she say?" I wanted to know everything that they talked about. Did he say something stupid to her?

"Come on Aiden!" I was getting really inpatient with him.

"Calm down Ash. I know that I shouldn't of went over there but I couldn't help it. Like you both know that you belong together but both of you are acting like kids. I swear I feel like Im this messager going back and fourth passing noted because you guys can't do it yourself." I could see that. We were both acting like kids in grammer school not really sure how to approach this so instead we have Aiden there in the middle. Even though I don't think Spencer see's it like Aiden and I do.

"So I came out and told her that I thought you were both acting like kids and that you needed her just as much as she needs you. It wasn't anything big Ash. I just hate seeing you wasting your time on Nikki-"

"Aiden! You know that I have to be there for her."

"No you don't. What she did to herself was not your fault. She want's you to think that it's your fault but it's not. Nikki has a screw loose and she's going to keep pulling you in because she know's that your not going to let go. Can't you see it Ashley." I turned around and went back to working the front counter. I was done talking about this because it was making me upset.

Why the hell did I let this get to me so bad?

Ughhh.

xoxo

"Baby!" Nikki greeted me when I got to her apartment that night after work and everything was running through my head about what Spencer and Aiden had to say about her.

Nikki wrapped her arms around me and had this huge smile on her face. How could you not like to see that when you come home? Yes, she was in pajamas but they were so cute on her.

No Ashley. You love Spencer and you know but you can't seem to let this Nikki chick go like you should.

My head was starting to think like Spencer was talking about her.

"Come in. Come in." Nikki took my hand and directed me to the couch where she was apparently laying and watching a movie before I got there.

"I missed you so much today." Nikki wouldn't stop. Couldn't she tell that there was something going on with me? Was it all about her and not me? Didn't she give a shit about me?

I looked down at my hands while she grabbed ahold of them and right at that moment it got me out of my trance and I looked up at her. She sat there in front of me with this huge smile on her face and even though I know that smile had made me fall in love with her in the beginning but right now the only thing that was running through my head was Spencer's face. Her blonde hair flowing off her shoulders while she stands there with her head tilted to the side looking at me with her blue eyes that make me melt in so many ways. That cute smile that never leaves your thoughts even if you wanted it to.

"Nikki we need to talk."

**(A/N: hey you guys...sorry for the delay but I hoped you liked. What do you think is going to follow in the next chpt??? :) Trust me I'm still thinking of what to write next hahaha...remember I write what comes to my mind right at that moment sooo it can be anything!!! LOL Soo please give me perdictions and you never know...lol anything to happen at that moment. Well you know what to do...leave the love...or if you want to rant and rave about the story...Have at it!!! All is free will wit me...love it all!!! Laters Much love out too yas!!!!)**


	23. Chapter 23

**What can I say other than you guys ROCK!!! hahahaha...thx so much for all the love on the story. It literally got me excited to write the next chpt. LOL. Now Im scared it might not come out like you all want it lol hahaha. **

**Well here goes nothing. ;) **

**Sorry no time to edit...forgive me??? :( Pls!**

**Ashleys POV **

"Nikki we need to talk."

Nikki sat there looking at me with her smile and she acted like there wasn't a care in the world. I wish I could feel like that right now but we both know that it wasn't anywhere near that.

"Babe what's going on?" Nikki sat there with me on the couch trying to come onto me. What a time to try something like that with me.

"Can you please stop." Her hand was slowly rising up my shirt. I didn't want to do that right now and to tell you the truth I didn't think that I wanted to do that with her at all. All I could think of right now was being able to do that to Spencer. How good it would feel to feel her skin beneath mine. I started to get shivers down my body just thinking of the very situation I would love to be in with Spencer right now.

Focus Ashley.

I quickly got up from the couch and started to pace back and forth not sure how this conversation was really going to go. I mean I know that I had it in my head but I wasn't really sure what I was going to tell her.

'Sorry Nikki I can't be with you because I'm in love with your bestfriend. Oh wait I mean your ex-bestfriend.'

Yeah I think this is going to go over very well for me.

I looked over towards the couch and Nikki was sitting there with no longer a smile on her face. More like a frown that was starting to scare me. What was this hold that she had on me that I felt I couldn't get out of? Yes I wanted to be her friend and be there for her when she needs me because that's just the type of person I am but I couldn't be everything that she wanted me to be.

I just hope that she understands.

"Will you please tell me what's going on Ashley? You're starting to scare me." I was starting to scare myself.

I looked down to the ground and I could feel myself speechless at the very moment. Why was this shit so hard?

"You know that I love you right?" Maybe I should of started the conversation off another way. I swear it was almost like she turned white when I said those words to her.

"Ash-" She started to talk but I knew that I had to get this out other wise it wouldn't come out at all.

"No, please let me finish." Nikki didn't say another word. Instead she sat there with tears coming down her face.

Oh yeah this was turning out great.

"I'm going to be here for you if you need me but I think that we should be apart from eachother for a little while." Just like that she got off the couch and went running to her bedroom. I of course went right after her. I couldn't have this on my shoulder's like everything else she's put there.

"Nikki! Nikki please just talk to me. I'm not saying that I won't come over at all. All I'm trying to say is that I don't think that I should spend so much time over here since we really aren't together anymore." As I was standing there talking to her door waiting to hear from her the door flew open and she stood there with blood shot eyes and tear streaked cheeks.

DAMN. Why did I give a shit so much? You know I think it would be so much easier if I didn't care as much.

Hmmm. I wonder how that feels?

"What do you mean that we aren't together? I thought that you loved me? You said that you would always be there for me? Where is this all coming from?" Nikki was coming out of every direction asking all these questions. Why was she coming at me like this for?

"Yes I said that I would be there for you. I'm not going back on my word Nikki but you have to understand that we haven't been together this whole time. We broke up before everything happened with you. You know this." Nikki didn't even look at me instead she walked passed me and went straight for the front door. I was not going to let her leave like this.

"Where are you going?" I went right out the front door with her and she didn't say a word to me. Instead she went straight for her car.

"NIKKI!" I grabbed the keys from her hand and she tried to fight me for them but I was not going to let her have them. No way was I going to let her drive when she was pissed off. For all I know she would try to kill herself again.

I swear I was starting to see everything so clearly now.

"Damn it Ashley give me my fucking keys! I don't want to be around you." Nikki was going at me like she was going to hit me but I kept my distance. She could do what ever the hell she wanted to do. I was not giving her keys.

"Can we please go inside and talk about his?" I was trying to calm her down so she wouldn't go off the handle.

"What for? You don't want me. NO ONE WANTS ME!" Nikki slammed her right fist into the passenger window of her car.

Glass went shattering to the ground while Nikki went slidding down her car crying her eyes out and her hand gushing blood. This was definitely some fucked up shit and I was shocked that I was able to handle it the way I was.

I mean come on. How would you feel if you saw your ex-girlfriend bleeding in front of you and yelling at you that no one wanted to be in her life? A wreck. That's how you would be. At least a few months ago I would of been but right now I was just trying to be her friend more than anything.

How did this all go so wrong?

**Spencers POV **

All I could think about was running into Ashley that afternoon.

Here I was laying in my bed staring at my wall wishing that Ashley was here to share my bed with me.

Ughhh!

I could easliy let her into my life but I know that it wouldn't be right with everything that is going on with Nikki. How do you deal with someone like that? How the hell did I stay friends with her so long like I did? I rolled over to my side as I looked at my night stand.

2:37 A.M.

Shit! I had to get up in three in a half hours to get ready for school.

I wonder what Ashley is doing right now. I grabbed my cell phone and opened it up to go through it when it started to go off.

What the hell!

Ashley's name started flashing on my screen and I swear it was as if she was thinking of me at the same moment. But opf course everything left my mind that was good because than I started to notice that it was once again 2:38 in the morning and she was calling me.

I didn't really know what to think of this now.

ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE SPENCER!

I quickly picked it and curled up on my side and brought the phone up to my ear.

"Ash?" I closed my eyes thinking that I loved to call her that.

"Spence." Please tell me that you are calling me to tell me that you love me and want me in your life because at this very moment I would take you into my heart and never let you go.

"Is everything ok? I mean it's so late or more like early to be calling." It was silent on the other end and I felt bad for every question her motives to call me. I should be happy that she decided to call me at all.

"I'm sorry. I should of thought about that. I'll let you get back to bed."

"NO!" I think I woke the neighbors.

"I'm sorry Ash. I didn't mean anything about you calling me. Actually I'm really glad that you called me."

"Really?" I don't know what it was but I could sence that there was something wrong and I didn't know if I should even go there with her. I mean if there was something wrong than she would come out and tell me.

Right?

"Of course. I miss you." I was started to let my walls down and just hearing her voice and seeing her this afternoon was making things so hard to be mad at her. Yes she hurt me. Yes I know that I should of been a better friend. We were both at fault so really I don't think that I should stay mad at her. I couldn't stay mad at her.

"God I miss you so much Spencer." Ashley started to cry on the phone with me. I didn't know what to do. I mean if I was there with her I would hold her but I was on the phone and I felt helpless.

"Ash. Babe what's wrong?" Did I just say, Babe?

"I'm so sorry I screwed things up Spencer. You don't understand how much I feel so lost without you in my life. Everything is so fucked up that I don't know what's wrong or right."

This was not the Ashley I knew. Ashley would not let things get to her. Instead she always but it behind her and would try to make things better but instead she was acting broken.

"Shhh. Ash everything is going to be ok. Please stop crying. I hate hearing you cry, It breaks my heart." I sat there just listening to her calm herself down on the phone and I wanted so much to be there with her. How good it would feel to hold her in my arms?

"Do you think that we will ever have a future together?" Ashley finally came out and asked me. I sat up in my bed and that was definitely the million dollar question.

Would Ashkey and I have a future together?

**(A/N: Heyy you guys lol....hahaha I know I could of put so much in there but I'm super tired and I have work tomorrow and I havent gotten any sleep at all LOL. I'm weird I know lol but yeah so I wanted to get this up for you all. **

**I'm sorry if I disappointed some of you. Sometimes it hard to come up with something that you all will like but than I started to think that I write because I like to make it up. I like to make up the out comes lol. Fiction is the best because theres no rules...all is accepted! :) **

**Alrighty you guys have a awesome day and you know what to do...LEAVE THE LOVE!!! Luvs yas all!) **


	24. Chapter 24

**It's awesome to see peeps still adding my story on Alert or on their Fav List!!!! Thank you all soo much!!! **

**Sorry for the long delay...I went on Vaca(DisneyWorld) LOL and than I got depressed...than I got sick so theres been alot lately hahaha! But heres the next chpt. **

**You know I was asked the other day how long this story was going to be and I wasn't really sure how long it was going to go. At this very moment I don't even know how its going to end. I mean it usually just comes to me when I continue to write so right now im just going to write and if the END comes to me than it will come. **

**Just giving you guys a head up thats all. Trust me though we will definitely have some SPASHLEY moments lol. What is a SON fanfic witout SPASHLEY?!?!?! :) **

**Well much love to everyone!!!! **

**Here you go! **

**Spencers POV **

Here was the question that I had been thinking about in my head as well. Were we going to have a future together? I would like that with my whole heart but was Ashley ready to be in a relationship with me.

"Ashley I want nothing more than to be in your life. I want to be with you and share everything with you." I was letting my heart pour out because I could tell that she was broken and I wanted to make her better. I wanted so much to be there with her and to wipe those tears from her face. I love her.

I always have.

"But." Ashley came out and said. You know a few weeks ago I would of said that, but I'm tired of messing this up. I'm tired of being without the woman that I love with my whole heart. I want her. I need her.

"There's no, 'but's', Ashley. I want to be with you."

"I want to be with you so bad Spencer." I heard the tears start over again and I hated it. I know these were happy tears, well I was hoping so, but I still hated when she cried. She did not deserve to cry.

"I want to see you." I came out and said it. I was out of my bed and I was heading to my closet to get on some clothes and I didn't care what I put on. I grabbed sweats and I grabbed my car keys. I was going to go get my woman.

"Spencer I can't see you right now." Did I hear her right? I stopped right at the front door and I had to ask. I had to.

"Why?" Please don't say Nikki. Please!

"I'm at the hospital with Nikki right now."

FUCK!

I let my head hit the front door and I turned around as I let my body slide down to the ground. Now I was started to feel tears come down my face.

I could easily shut my phone off right now and not even pay attention to it anymore but I knew that wouldn't make things any better with us. So instead I stayed on the phone and I finally let her hear me cry into the phone. I let her hear how I was feeling for once. I seriously didn't know what to think anymore. I didn't know if she was being sincere or if she just wanted me so she could feel better about the bad relationship that she had with Nikki.

I don't know.

"Spencer please talk to me. Please. I hate hearing you cry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't of told you where I was. I shouldn't of said anything."

"Why do you always call me when you are with her? Do you know it hurts me when you talk about her with me?" I wasn't going to hide anything anymore. She wanted to know what was on my mind so I was going to let her know.

"I'm sorry. You know I don't want to hurt you." I could hear her sniffling on the other line and I was right there with her. I knew exactly how she felt because I was feeling the same things but probably even worse at this moment.

"That's all you've been doing lately Ashley. I want nothing more than to be with you and not worry about any of this shit but it seems that everything gets in the way. Why is that?"

Ashley got silent and I could tell that she was thinking about it.

"I should go." Ashley said the words and I hated hearing them. I know that I was upset and I knew that I was having such a hard time with this but I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to be the one with her and not Nikki. Why couldn't I have her? Why couldn't she love me and want to be with me?

Fuck! I sound like some girl who has to have everything. I'm not that girl. I just love her and I dont know what else to do about it.

"You there Spence?"

"Please don't leave." Saying those words to her took a lot from me. I've never been the vulnerable type. Ashley has broke me in so many ways that it scares me completely.

"I'll call you back. I just have to take care of something right now." I closed my eyes and sat there against the door and I had tears coming down my face.

**Ashleys POV **

I knew that she was upset with me when I hug up the phone. I was pissed off at myself for getting off the phone with her but I had to because Nikkis parents had came and they were taking her home. Of course the doctors talked with them first and than they talked to me about what had happened and why she had done this.

Personally I wanted to tell them that their daughter had gone off the deep end and if nobody jumps in to save her than she was going to drown. That's putting it nicely. Instead I told them everything that had happened at the apparentment and she lost it. I didn't know how else to tell them that their daughter had problems and she needed help. Shit, she needed a lot of help and I just wish that I had seen it sooner instead of telling everyone that she was just stressed out.

I watched Nikki get into her parents car and I stood there as they drove off thinking that I hated seeing Nikki like this. Yes I loved the girl and I still care for her but she needs help. I truly hope that her parents get it for her.

I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and I wondered if Spencer was still awake.

Would she want me to call her or to come over?

I hoped into my car and I drove over to Spencers. It was about time that I get the woman I love. The one person that has been keeping me sane through all of this and in return I've only given her heart break. I don't know how she has still managed to love me through it all.

Please answer the door.

**Spencers POV **

I laid there on the floor in front of the door wishing that I didn't hurt like this. That I had Ashley here to pick me up and hold me in her arms but the thing of it was that Ashley was the reason that I was feeling like this.

I didn't expect for Ashley to call back. Than again I don't think that I would pick up the phone if she had called me anyways. I asked her not to go but she went. Nikki meant more to her than I obviously do. I can't blame her though she is her first love.

Ashley is the first girl that I've loved. Doesn't that count for something? Doesn't my feelings mean anything to her like I had hoped they would.

I finally picked myself up and made my way back to my bed. I knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep. There was no reason to sleep. I had to be up in like a hour in a half and with everything going on in my mind I wouldn't even be able to fall asleep.

I wish it would all stop. I needed it to stop. The pain in my heart was getting to unbearable that I was starting to hate myself for falling in love with her. for falling in love with Ashley Davies.

xoxo

_Ding Dong _

My eyes shot open as I laid there in my bed shocked that I was even able to close my eyes for so long and not even notice.

I glanced at my clock and I had to get up anways so I put on some sweats and headed towards the front door.

"Who is it?" I yelled through the door because I was not going to be this stupid ass bitch who opens up the door to anyone in the middle of the morning. This is not a teen horror flick.

"Spencer." There was that voice. That voice that I had been wanting to hear but at that moment I wasn't sure what I was feeling. Or if I was feeling anything at all.

I leaned my head against the door and I closed my eyes. I was silent on my side.

"Please open the door. I want to talk." You didn't want to talk earlier.

"I know you're there...will you please talk to me." We were both silent.

"I need you."

**Ashleys POV **

I stood there in front of her place feeling helpless and not thinking that she was ever going to open up the front door to me. I know I hurt her and I feel like such shit for it but it doesn't mean that I don't love her and want to make things work between us. I just needed her to know that I wanted nothing more than to be in her arms and try to make this work.

I need her.

The door opened. I stood there in front of this beautiful woman wanting nothing more that to take her in my arms but I seriously don't know what good that would do right now. She was upset with me and I didn't want to make things worse.

I saw how much her face looked drained and it pained me even more to think that I had caused her to look the way that she did.

"You need me? YOU NEED ME? Where were you when I needed you Ashley? Why is it different for you to say that you need me now but before it didn't mean anything?"

"It meant something to me!" I shot back quick because I didn't want her to think that she didn't mean anything to me because she meant the world to me. I just took a little bit longer to realize alot of stuff.

"It meant everything." I stepped towards her and she took a step back. I deserved it. I deserved everything that she had to throw at me. I hurt her and I was going to have to fight to get her back into my life and never let her go again.

"Not as much as Nikki." I was waiting for her name to come up because I knew that was the main reason why we were at eachothers throats.

"I know I messed everything up between us and I have to live with that but you need to stop blaiming Nikki. I'm the one who made the choices not her." Spencer looked directly at me and than was about to shut the door on me but I put my foot in the door way.

"If we keep shutting eachother out than this is never going to work." I had her eyes right on mine and I knew she didn't want that. I sure as hell didn't want.

Spencer put her head down for a second and I knew that she was thinking about things. She stepped out of the door way and opened up the door for me.

"I guess we should talk than." I wanted to smile. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs because she was giving me a chance to get back into her life and I was beyond happy about it. I loved her and I wanted to continue to love her.

**(A/N: Yay...SPASHLEY MOMENTS!!! LOL...of course it was jus like a argument and stuff but hey its got to start somewhere you know wat I mean :) Sooo im like totally drained and needing sleep at this moment. Not exactly liking this whole chpt but its a start to a good finish :) Let me know what you thought and like always...LEAVE THE LOVE :)**


	25. Chapter 25

**Hey you guys wats going on??? :) Sorry for the delay but heres the next chpt. **

**Spencers POV **

Have you ever been in a room with someone that you wanted to say everything to but couldn't get the words out because you wanted them to be the first to say something?

It seem's that Ashley and I can't even say what we have on our minds. We've been sitting in my living room for the past hour and haven't said a word to each other.

"I thought you were going to talk?" I crossed my legs on my couch looking over at her as she sat there thinking about what she wanted to say to me at that moment. At least that's how I thought she was looking to me. Maybe she didn't really want to be here and she was starting to change her mind.

"I love you."

The words came out of her mouth as if she had been sitting on them all night and didn't know whether or not she wanted to tell me them. So I sat there not sure what I should say to her. Yes I love her as well but I didn't know if this was the right time to be going to that very place.

She sat there looking, waiting for me to respond to her confession.

"I thought that we were going to talk about everything that has been going on with us?" I was being harsh and I was starting to regret my words but I was being truthful. I didn't want to just come out and say that, "I love you" too until I knew that we were in a good place to say those words and mean it with our whole hearts.

"I wasn't expecting a 'I love you' but I didn't think you would be like this." I watched Ashley get up from the couch and start to pace the floor. Im glad she was just doing that because if she had left I would of felt like the biggest ass in the world.

Hmm we would make a great couple than. Right?

I stood up and I didn't think that it was right that she was thinking that it was fine to assume that just because I let her into the house that everything was going to be ok. Here I am trying to figure things out and she was already thinking that we were together. Why didn't she understand where I was coming with this all? Yes I want to work everything out but I wanted to make sure that things were good before we even made any steps towards anything in our lives together.

Does that sound bad?

"Ashley you know that I care for you, but I think that you're jumping into this fast. I want to be with you but for you to think that everything is forgotten and forgiving is wrong."

"What the hell do you think Im doing here for? I want to make things better for the both of us because I do love you and I want to spend my life with you. Don't you even want any of this to happen for the both of us?"

"You know I do!" I was starting to get pissed off that she didn't think I didn't give a shit about her.

"Than show it! All you do is stand there and call me out on all of my faults but you don't even give me a chance to be with you. You wonder why we haven't even moved forward from everything." Ashley started walking around and it was starting to bother me more and more.

Calm down Spencer.

"Fuck you Ashley!"

That's not calm Spencer.

**Ashleys POV **

Did she really just say 'Fuck you'?

"You can say what ever you want because Im not going anywhere. Yes I screwed up and yes Im trying my hardest to make things better but you're being the bitch who doesn't want this to work."

Wrong word.

"GET THE HELL OUT!"

I wasn't leaving and she knew it.

"Im not leaving Spencer. No matter what you say to me." Spencer came towards me with tears in her eyes and it nearly crushed my heart. I hated when she cried but I was being honest and I'm truly sorry for hurting her but it needs to me sad.

"Out! NOW!" Spencer started to push me towards the door but I grabbed a hold of her arms and wouldn't let her do anything.

"Ashley let me go! LET ME GO! ASHLEY!"

What would you do if the love of your life was yelling at you over and over?

I kissed her. Not just a little kiss but a kiss that made me stop her from everything. Yelling. Hitting. Maybe even anything else that she had in her mind.

At this very moment I wasn't think of anything. She didn't fight me off when I kissed her and that was good because I knew if she did than things would of been done from there. She wouldn't have wanted to be with me but since this is taking place I have all the great feeling in my heart that she wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her. Physically and emotionally.

I started to back up towards the couch to get more comfortable with Spencer when she stopped me.

I stood there looking at her trying to catch my breath and I was afraid that she was going to tell me that this wasn't going to happen but instead she came out with something totally different.

"Maybe we shouldn't-" I stepped close to her to wrap my arms around her and tell her that I think that what we were doing was right she continued with a smile on her face.

"What I was going to say was that maybe we shouldn't do this out here." My heart skipped about a mile a minute when she said that and I just stood there with a smile from ear to ear. I swear I think I was blushing from head to toe.

"Spencer-" I let out of my mouth and Spencer gently laid her finger on my lips and grabbed a hold of my hand and started to walk back towards her room with me following her. Part of me couldn't believe that this might go on. Here I was thinking that Spencer and I would never get to this point and now we are heading back to her room. Where anything could take place.

I walked into her room and shut the door behind me. As I stood there she looked at me with these seductive eyes making me feel my blood boil inside of me. Spencer started to take off her shirt and I watched with my eyes glued on her torso that was screaming at me to touch. Man do I want to touch her right at this moment.

Please don't let this be a dream. I would kick myself in the morning if this wasn't really happening. I started to walk over to her as she had a big grin on her face that made me smile a hundred times harder. Did she know how beautiful she is? Everything about this girl made my body scream for her over and over again.

"I know that we've been going through a lot lately Ashley and-"

"Shhh. I seriously do not want to talk about that right now. All I want to do right now is be with you and I know that things will have to be cleared up but at this very moment you are making everything perfect for

me. For us. I love you Spencer and I will never get tired of saying those three little words to you." Spencer grabbed my face and pulled me down to the bed. I started to lay on Spencer as I could feel her lips moving with mine and I couldn't think at that moment, Everything that was happening was what made me want this from the begining. Falling for Spencer opened up so much for me. Some bad but definitely more good.

"I love you Ash." Spencer whispered in my ear as I was running my tongue along her neck. Tasting her was driving me crazy. It just made me wonder what else of her tasted just as good. Maybe even better.

"I love you more." I lifted my head to see her face expression and this girl was glowing. I don't know what it was but she was shinning to me and I loved it. She made me so happy that I wanted to express it all to her.

I let my kisses follow down her neck nibbling on her skin, tasting all of her. Not leaving one inch of her body untouched. I sat up for a second to take off my shirt and she reached her hands to my abdomen. Letting her fingers slowly trail all over my body. Her hands were giving me goosebumps and making my body shiver. I sat there straddling her with my eyes closed as I felt her touch all over me. Her hands found my breast as she started to massage them making me moan at her very touch. This girl had me going crazy. I was burning up in more than one place of my body.

Spencer leaned up with me and taking my body in her arms and she sat up with me. Her lips met my skin kissing all over my neck . I bit down on my lip as I noticed myself rocking my hips against Spencers center.

Was I really doing this?

Were Spencer and I going to have sex?

**(A/N: Yes beyond late with my update and I know I suck and Im sorry for that but I havent been in the mood to write LOL. Talk about LAME...no need to tell me because I already know hahaha. But feel free to tell me how you feel if you want...HAVE AT IT YO!!! :) But you have to remember though...I love you all :D Now do you want to yell at me??? LOL **

**Well let me know what you think of the chpt??? I know you guys want Spashley and here was SOME hahaha. Now wat do you think will come of the next chpt???? Let me know what you think and be sure to leave the love LOL....hahaha if you want )**


	26. Chapter 26

**Hey you guys...thx for the comments!!! Totally in the mood to hit out another chpt tonight...soo here I am in front of my comp listening to my Ipod and getting this out of my head hahaha. **

**Rated M for this chpt. Just sending it out there just in case it gets worse than what Im expecting it to go. I dont want to get into trouble now. **

**Spencers POV **

I lost all thought's when Ashley came out and kissed me. Almost like that was exactly what I needed even though she had me beyond pissed off.

Right now I am feeling everything that I've wanted to feel with Ashley. I'm finally getting to enjoy everything about Ashley. Her bad side and definitely her good side. I think for right now I would like to stick with the good part because it is the best feeling I've had in a very long time.

xoxo

"I want to feel you?" Ashley moaned into my ear which set me on fire inside. We've been laying here making out and roaming eachother bodies and I've yet to make love to her. Yes I wanted to very much but I wanted to make sure that Ashley was ok with it. I don't really know how far Nikki and her went so I wouldn't know if I'll be any good to her. I've never been with a girl so this is going to be new to me as well.

"What's wrong?" I looked down at Ashley as I laid there on top of her lost in thought. She must of noticed that there was something on my mind. Maybe it was because I stopped kissing her body when she told me that she wanted to feel me.

"Spencer." Ashley grabbed my face with her hands and had a concerned look on her face. She looked so cute when she worried about me. I kissed the inside of one of her hands and I looked back at her.

"I'm nervous." Ashley smiled at me and I could feel my cheeks turn a crimson color.

"You've been with Nikki and I don't want to disapoint you-" Ashley stopped me with a kiss and I appreciated her stopping me. I didn't know how much I could continue to tell her that I was nervous about making love to her. I wanted things to be perfect for her.

"I was never with Nikki Spence. To be honest with you, I wanted to be with her but there was something stopping me from going all the way with her. That something was you. I've always been in love with you I just tried to hide my feelings and never let them out because you were with Jason. I never expected you to be with me or to even want to be with me." Ashley was sharing her heart as I laid there taking this all in. I was releaved when she came out and told me that she never had sex with Nikki. I that's selffish of me to think that but I guess it hurt me if I knew that Ashley went all the way with Nikki.

"Look at me please." My eyes were directed at Ashley and she had a smile on her face that made things so much better inside of me.

"I love you and that's all that matters right now. This is a first for the both of us and I want it to be special. I don't want to ever forget this."

"I love you too. So much Ash and I don't want to lose you."

"Babe you won't lose me." Ashley leaned up on her elbows and kissed me. I kissed her back with all that I had. This is one thing that I would never want to stop. I loved kissing this girl, that it drove me completely crazy.

I laid Ashley back down on the bed as I deepen the kiss letting my hands slowly move across her body feeling her muscles tense every place I would touch her. I was sure hoping that was a good sign because I was loving it. I let my lips slowly move down to her neck kissing her so softly. I would get a few moans from her when I would kiss the right spot behind her ear. I think she likes that. I started to suck on her pulse feeling it quicken as I continue to do this. All of her actions were turning me on more and more.

I let my kisses run down to her shoulders as I let my tongue slide in between her breasts making her arch her back towards me. I smiled at this as I let my mouth find one of her breast as I let her nipple slip into my mouth as I let my tongue wrap around it playing with it. I looked up at Ashley as I continued to hear moans coming from her beautiful mouth. I let one of my hands find her other breast as I took it into my hand massaging it slowly as I enjoyed it every second that I was in contact wtih her body. I let my other hand roam down the side of her body slowly letting my finger tips glide across her toned body making her want me that much more.

Some would say tease but I would say talented.

"Spencer please." I let my body lay in between her legs as I let my hand travel up her thigh making her pant just alittle bit more.

"Spence-" I slide two fingers inside her core feeling her wetness surround my fingers. Ashleys whole body bucked as she felt me inside her as her breath was caught. I reached back up to Ashley as I placed my lips on hers as I moved in her slowly at first making sure that she was ok. I rocked my body with my hand against Ashley wanting to feel her cum for me.

"Ahhh. Spence. So close." Hearing that come from her mouth made my hand move alittle faster. I kissed her lips hard letting my tongue find hers and she started to fight for dominace when I started to feel her walls tighten around my fingers and I knew that she was cuming. Ashley panting got harder and she let go as a loud moan entered my ears as I closed my eyes feeling the sensation that she gave me as well. Could she be anymore hotter than she is at this moment.

I let Ashley ride out her orgasm as I lowly pulled out of her. With no doubt I wrapped my arms around her body wanting to hold her tight to me. Wanted her to know that I was always going to be here for her through everything.

Good times.

Bad times.

Always.

**Ashleys POV **

Did that just happen?

I laid there in her arms feeling the sensation finally come back into my body half feeling so much bliss. Spencer made me feel so good that it had me smiling for the longest time. Man I loved this woman.

xoxo

_Ring Ring Ring _

I jumped up so fast only to forget where exactly I was but it all hit me as soon as I saw her beautiful body laying next to me. I realized that my phone was going off and I knew that I had to get it beautiful it woke Spencer up. I slowly creeped out of bed and grabbed my phone that was in my pants pocket that were lying on the floor with the rest of my clothes. I couldn't help not smiling as I thought about everything that had happened early this morning. It made me feel so good inside to know that Spencer and I were in a good place right now with eachother.

_Aiden. _

Oh shit I forgot about work. I quickly answered it and than stepped out of the room with the blanket covering my naked body.

"I'm so sorry Aiden." I knew that I was in trouble I just had to cover my butt up right now other wise I was going to get into ALOT of trouble with him.

"Ashley where the hell are you? You were suppose to be here three hours ago. Lucky for you we havent been that busy this afternoon." So not only did I miss out on school this morning but I also missed work as well. This wasn't great for me but it was so worth it because waking up to that beautiful blonde made me not care about anything at that moment.

"I'm sorry Aiden I kind of got busy with something and I fell asleep because I didn't sleep all night." I looked down at my feet thinking of everything that happened last night. Nikki. Spencer. It was one hell of a night if you ask me.

"Oh that's right, with Nikki. Is everything ok with her?" I guess he did hear about her.

"She's going to be ok. Her parent's are actually going to get her some help. I never thought that it would come to this but it did after last night. She scared me again and I knew that her parents had to know everything but it seemed like they didn't care so much. I'm just hopping that they get her some help that's all."

"Have you heard from Spencer?" I smiled at his question and decided to keep it to myself for right now. There was no need for her to know everything that went on with us last night.

"Not really but I think we will be ok. Hey if you give me a few minutes than I'll be there."

"Alright. Hurry up because it's starting to get busy."

"Alright, Alright Aiden I'll be there." I quickly hung up my phone and started to walk back into the room when I see her sitting up in bed with the sheets wrapped around her body. Could she make me anymore happier than what I am right now?

I seriously doubt it.

"Was that Aiden?" I smiled at her and walked over to the bed as I sat down next to her.

"Yeah I forgot that I had work and we kind of slept through the day." Spencer looked at the clock and than over towards me.

"You were pretty tired." Spencer started laughing and I knew exactly how she felt. I leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips.

Mmmmm she tasted so good.

"I love you." I spoke to her as I started to get ready to leave for work.

"I love you Ash. Can I see you later?" Spencer had that face that had me wishing I could stay with her for the rest of the day and night to come. I didn't want to leave her like she didn't want me to leave.

"I'll be here. I promise." I grabbed my shoes and started to get up from the bed. I leaned down and kissed her before I left the woman that I was in love with alone for the rest of the day.

She made me happier than I had ever imagined and now I was finally with her. I was finally with the woman I loved.

**(HEYYYY You guys...heres the next chpt hahaha....Sooo what did you think??? LIKE??? :) Well I had to hurry and finish it before I run off to work...hahaha goodtimes well be sure to do what you do best...Leave the love!!! )**


	27. Chapter 27

**Hey you guys thanks so much for the comments and the adds...you guys are awesome :) Im currently sitting here listening to "We The Kings" and trying to hurry and write another chpt for you all hahaha. This time I'll edit it because I noticed that there was quite a few mistakes and it bugged me when I read it soooooooo Im sorry that u guys had to read it like that. **

**Well enjoy :) **

**MERRY XMAS!!!! Much Love to ALL!!!**

**Spencers POV **

Everything is perfect. I can't stop smiling and I don't think that I ever want to feel any other way than how I do right now. Ashley made me feel like I could do so much that I've always wanted to do but never had the courage to do. She's just so beautiful in so many ways that it makes me go crazy. Hmm maybe that's why Nikki went crazy.

Ok I better stop talking about her like that...I don't want Ashley to be upset with me for putting down her crazy ex-. Oops I mean her ex-girlfriend. It's kind of hard not to keep going with the same comments that have been running through my head ever since Nikki started trying to kill herself. I mean yeah I feel for her because we were once bestfriends but when she started to act the way she was than it all changed for me. Yes Ashley and I were friends, but that didn't mean that she had to get all crazy about the situation either.

xoxo

After a few hours of laying in bed thinking of Ashley I got up from bed and decided that I needed to call my work and make sure that they knew that there were some problems and that's why I couldn't make it into work as well. I didn't need to get fired right now either. I still had to keep my place. Trust me it was way better than living with my parent's right now. Especially since mom was still fuming that I had called the wedding off with Jason. I swear why didn't she just marry the guy if she liked him so much.

That reminds me though Jason called the other day and said that he wanted to come by and pick up something that he had left in the house. I don't know what the hell that was because I'm sure that I packed all his shit up myself. Oh well. I'll just make sure to let Ashley know when she comes here after work tonight.

Damn I couldn't wait to see her. Just thinking of her beautiful face makes my stomach do jumps. I was so in love with her.

**Ashleys POV **

"You were with Spencer last night. Wow, how did that go because the last time I heard she was really pissed off with you?" Aiden was right. Spencer was really mad with me last night and to be honest I didn't think that she would talk with me but she gave me another chance. Man am I lucky she gave me a chance.

"Yeah we talked." I looked down as I was making a coffee and I could feel his eyes on the back of my head. All I could think about was Spencers tanned body pressed against mine as she lightly kisses me with her soft lips.

Man she gave me goosebumps.

"Is that all you guys did?" Of course he would come out and ask me something like that. I turned around to look at him and I shook my head at him.

"Aiden you need to stop thinking that way. Not everything has to end in sex." I turned around to finish the coffee and I felt my cheeks go bright red. I could not think of anything else at this moment. Shit I didn't want to think of anything else.

"Who said anything about sex? I just asked if you did anything other than talk. That could be a number of things. Oh my god! You guys did sleep together!" The cup that I was making the coffee slipped out of my hands and it spilt all over the floor.

"Damn it Aiden!" I went down to the floor to start cleaning it when Aiden came down to the floor with me.

"YOU DID! I can see it all over your face. That's why you're all flustered with the comment." I got up fast and went back to making another cup because the customer was waiting on me for her drink.

"Will you please just let me do my job right now. I do not want to get into this right now." I didn't want to get into it at all but I knew that Aiden would come back to ask again. He would not give up on this considering he knew that Spencer was the reason I had came out. Well more like Maddie came out for me because of her but let's not rehatch that memory again.

Aiden didn't say anything else for the rest of the night. I was glad for that because all my thoughts were getting ruined by Aidens perverted comments and I didn't want that one bit. I like my thoughts just the way they are.

Perfect.

xoxo

"What time do you want me to come in tomorrow?" Aiden and I were closing up the coffee shop and I was standing outside as he was locking the doors and all I wanted to do is go to Spencers and curl up in bed with her in my arms.

Hurry the hell up Aiden!

"Are you not heading home with me?" Damn I should of just kept the question to myself because now he is going to want to know where I am heading.

Just tell him already Ashley. You know your going to tell everyone when you get a opportunity anyway.

"I'm heading to Spencers right now." Aidens mouth opened and I slapped him against the arm.

"I swear if you didn't sleep with so many girls I would say you were the gay one. Yes I'm going over there but we aren't together. You happy?" I started walking away.

"Yet." I stopped him from walking and I was starting to get annoyed with the fact that he kept going on and on with us. I wasn't sure about anything and I didn't want him to ruin things before I even know anything.

"Even I don't know what is going to happen with us Aiden but I do know that I don't want to mess things up with her. So will you please stop with all of the comments. She means alot to me and I would feel like crap if I lost my chance with her."

"No problem babe. I'll keep my mouth shut." I shook my head ok and we started to leave the shop.

xoxo

I was going to head straight over to Spencers after work but I figured that I should go home and take a shower and bring some clothes with me so I could head to school in the morning and not have to worry about leaving her any time soon.

So I raced home and grabbed my clothes and took a long hot shower that made me feel so good when I got out of it. I needed that shower.

"You better hurry up before your girlfriend gets mad that your late." Aiden was yelling from the kitchen as I was making sure that I had everything in my bag for tomorrow. He was right though, I was running late and I knew that I would have to give her a call before I leave here so she didn't worry.

"I know. I know. I'm leaving right now." I closed my bedroom door and was heading into the kitchen when I see Spencer standing there with Aiden. With no responce a smile spreaded across my face and I was beyond happy to see her standing there. She came to see me.

"I thought that I would come and see you instead. I kind of couldn't wait. I hope that's ok?" I dropped my bag and walked over to her and with no acknowledgement of Aiden standing right there I took her in my arms and I kissed her hard. I kissed her like I hadn't seen her for days and was barely getting a chance.

I broke the kiss because Aiden coughed and I didn't care one bit. I kept my eyes on her and only her.

"Why don't you stay here tonight?" I asked her as I let my hands find her face as I let my thumbs caress her cheeks.

Spencer smiled back at me.

"I would love nothing better than to stay here with you tonight." I grabbed her hand and started to direct her to my room.

"Goodnight you guys." Aiden yelled to us but once again all I could think of is the beautiful girl in my presence and I wanted to keep it that way.

Just as we were walking into the hallway the doorbell went off. I was going to ignore it but Spencer stopped me.

"You going to get that babe?" I shook my head no.

"Aiden can it get it Spence. It's ok."

"Oh gees thanks Ash." I laughed at Aiden as he started to walk to the front door and I started walking to my room.

"Ummm Ash." Aidens voice rang through the house and just hearing that tone, I knew that there was something wrong.

"What Aiden?" I turned back to walk over to the door annoyed that I was getting bugged when I had Spencer waiting for me.

"It's for you." I turned to the front door and there they stood.

Their my mom stood with her arms crossed and my father with sad eyes.

What were they doing here?

Why now?

**(Hey you guys....hows everything going??? MERRY XMAS!!!! Im sitting here on my NEW LAPTOP...writing this chpt and Im sooo excited to be getting a chpt out on Xmas day :) I hope u guys enjoy it...not much in this chpt but I thought that it was just a filler...of course u know theres drama to come lol. Im also going to be ending it soon. Maybe 5 chpts...but we will see how it goes. I haven't came wit anything new sooo jus stay tune LOL....something will come up in my head...welll you know what to do....LEAVE THE LOVE!!!)**


	28. Chapter 28

**Heres ur next chpt you guys!!! Enjoy!!! :) **

Is it me or has it been forever since I've seen these people in front of me. I mean I've been so wrapped up with everything that has been going on with Nikki and than the whole Spencer that I haven't thought about anything about my parents.

Than again the last time I saw my dad I knew that nothing was going to change and for my mom she hated me with a passion so why would she even show her face here. I didn't get this at all.

xoxo

So I've been standing here for the longest time wondering if I should just shut the door and ignore the fact that they decided to come to see me.

"Why are you here?" I asked them as Spencer came around the corner and stood there with me. I saw the look my mom gave her and just that action alone I wanted to slam the door in her face and not give a damn. Of course part of me knew that Spencer would want me to talk to them.

"You're father and I have something to talk to you about, but since it seems that you are busy." She looked Spencer up and down. Of course it got to me even more.

"Yes I am. I was spending time with my girlfriend before you decided to ruin the night for us. So maybe this should wait another time." I was about to shut the door but my father stopped it with his hand. He looked at me and I knew that this was important other wise they probably wouldn't have showed up at all.

"This can not wait Ashley. We need to talk about this now." I put my head down and I opened the door more and I let them in so they could at least come in to tell me what they had to say. Spencer stayed by my side the whole time and I really appreciated that she didn't leave. I didn't want her to leave me alone to deal with them. She is the one who's been keeping me sane when it comes to my parents. Other than Aiden she is the only other person I have told things to. I didn't even go into full detail with Nikki about everything that happened with me and the rents. Of course that only brought drama between us but that's over with now so there's no reason to even think about that at this moment.

My parents stood there in my living room and I didn't really know if I should ask them to sit or not but I figured if they wanted to than they could do that on their own.

"We won't be long Ashley. Your mother and I-" My mom made some noise and shook her head no while my dad was telling me this. Which only made me figure that she didn't want to be here and this was for my fathers benefit only. Dad looked over at her and than looked back at me.

That's right. She better shut up other wise she could go and get out of my place.

"As I was saying Ashley. Your mother and I wanted to let you know that we will be moving." They were moving? Wow, this was a shocker to me. I mean it's not like I was thinking of moving back home, but the fact that I know they wouldn't be in that same house kind of made me think.

"Are you staying in Seattle?" I had to know. It was just one of the big question's that I had flying through my head right now. Dad looked at mom and than looked to the ground. I could tell that he had a lot going through his head.

"We are heading to California." California? The one place that I've wanted to escape to since I was little and now my parents were picking their shit up and leaving. Where the hell did this come from? I sat there stunned at the thought of them leaving and the fact that it was California they were leaving to. Spencer grabbed ahold of my hand and like I felt it but I didn't turn towards her.

"We want you to come with us." I looked right up at mom and I knew she didn't want me there. She wasn't looking my way at all. Instead she sat there with a smug look on her face. She didn't want me there. I know that it was dad who wanted me home. Spencer slowly let go of my hand and I felt that. I looked towards her and she was looking at the ground. What was going through her head?

"After all of this time ignoring me and treating me like you didn't have a daughter. Now you want me to come home? How do you expect me to take this? You really think that I would forget everything and pack my bags to follow you?" I was upset. I was upset with the fact that they would come at me like this and think that things would be all fine between us. I was upset that barged in on me and Spencer when we were having a good night. Well at least going to have one.

"Ashley we don't expect you to do anything you don't want to do. We just-" I stopped him right there and stood up from the couch.

"There's no "We". You know damn well she doesn't give a shit about me since I came out. So stop acting like she give a damn about me because it's bullshit." My mom looked at me and I knew she wanted to say so much and I was really waiting for her to but she didn't. Instead her and my father started to walk towards the front door and I was glad for that. I didn't want them here anymore. They were no longer welcomed here and to be honest I was glad they were leaving. This way I didn't have to worry about that fact that I would see them around Seattle. Not that it wasn't a big enough city but that was beyond the subject. They were leaving and I was happy about it.

I walked with them to the front door so I could shut it and be done with them but my father turned around. He always had to have the last word.

"Since you don't want to come with us than if you want any of the stuff you left behind before we leave than we won't be at the house Wednesday night and you could come by and take what you want."

"If not. It's going in the trash!" My mother finally said something. I walked to that door and I slammed it. HARD! I didn't care that it was the people who had me. They didn't care that I was alive so why should I give a damn about them. I stood there looking at the closed door and I took a deep breathe. I slowly turned around as I let my fingers run through my hair and I looked towards Spencer as she was still sitting on the couch. I didn't know what to say to her. I didn't want her to feel weird about this whole situation. Even though my head was still wrapped around the whole thing.

Yes still a shocker for me but I was getting through it.

"How are you doing Ash?" Aiden came from around the corner and I knew that he was listening to the whole event. I looked at him and than looked over at Spencer.

"I'll manage. How are you?" I asked Spencer as I walked towards her on the couch. She looked up at me and tried to give me a smile. Tried. It wasn't working out so well for her.

I reached my hand out for her to take and I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to make sure that she wasn't upset or thinking some things that she shouldn't be thinking. I said goodnight to Aiden and I walked with Spencer to me room. I had to make sure that she was going to be ok because at this point I couldn't deal with anything else major happening in my life. I was up to my neck in drama and she was the one that could calm me down.

We stepped into my room and I closed the door behind me and she stood there looking like she didn't really know what to sat at the moment. At this point I didn't know what to say either.

"Can you tell me what you're thinking?" I asked her as I took a seat on my bed. Spencer stood there raking her fingers through her hair. I didn't like that gesture from her because it was making me think that she was stressing or something was wrong with her.

"I was going to ask you the same thing. What are thinking about the whole thing with your father said. I mean I know that you've wanted to get to California for awhile now and the fact that the opportunity is presenting it's self. I want to know what you are thinking."

She was right. I did have the whole subject on my head but the fact that I just got with her I was not going to let something like this to get in the way. I will make it to California but right now is not the time to leave.

"I'm thinking that I want to be here with you. I want to finish the rest of my senior year here where I was born and I want to spend my time with the girl that I am in love with. I thought you would want me to stay here." I was trying to look in her eyes because I wanted to know how she felt about it. Instead she was trying to get how I was feeling when In reality I wanted to hear how she was feeling.

"You know I want you to stay here, but I want you to stay because you want to. Not because of me. I don't want to be the reason you lose your opportunity out of here." I stood up fast and I walked over to her as I put my hands on her face and I looked directly in her eyes. I was not goin got lose sight of them again. I wanted her to know that I truly love her and never want it to change.

"You've been the best thing that has happen in my life in a VERY long time and I don't want to give that up for anything. I'm not losing my opportunity with California. If anything I believe that I will make it there when I finish everything here in Seattle." Spencer dropped her head but I lifted it back up.

"That doesn't mean that I'm ever leaving you behind because I plan on talking with you with me. I plan on having you in my life forever. That is if you want to be in my life that long. No pressure now." I got a smile on her face and it made me smile right back. I loved the feeling that she gave me when we were together. This is the way it's suppose to be when we are together. Happy.

"That makes me happy to hear that you want to be with me because right now I can't even think of anything better than to be with you." Spencer leaned in and kissed me on the lips. I loved her. I loved everything about her and I didn't want to lose this feeling.

**(A/N-Soooo sry for the delay. What do you guys think of the chpt??? it kind of jus came out of nowhere in my head but I thought that it would be a good ending for the story. Dont worry this isn't the last chpt but there is probably 2 more. Well thanks for reading and besure to do what you guys do best....LEAVE THE LOVE!!!!)**


	29. Chapter 29

**Well we are almost done here...how are oyu guys feeling about it???? Well no delays...heres ur next chpt!!!! :) **

I've been standing in the coffee shop for the last hour and it's my day off. Crazy I know but I've been standing here talking with Aiden about what had happened last night with my parents. Spencer had to go to work early in the morning and I had to get to school, so after school I went straight to the Haven.

"That's really crazy that your father asked you to come to California with them." Aiden was walking around fixing a drink while Jessie was taking orders. I sat there at the front drinking my coffee while letting this all go through my head. I didn't want to think about this anymore but I couldn't get it out of my head. I swear me and Spencer had talked about it most of the night. I ended up falling asleep in her arms feeling calmed down about everything. Of course when I woke up this morning all I could think about was everything that was said last night with my parent's.

Aiden directed his attention over towards me and I knew that he was wondering what was going through my head and this very moment I wish I knew. One minute I'm thinking about how I'm in love with Spencer and than the next minute Im thinking of my parent's leaving and possibly never coming back. No matter what anyone says that hurt to think that in my head.

"Talk to me." I looked up at him.

"About what?" I wanted to get this out of my head but I also didn't want to think about how bad I was feeling. Ughhh where was Spencer? I wanted her here so she could get my mind off of everything that was jumbled in my head right now.

"I want them to leave already so I don't have to think about them leaving anymore and I can get on with my life here with Spencer." I drank the rest of my coffee and sat there now thinking of the girl that I woke up with this morning and the morning before that.

"Where is she anyways?" I looked up at him and I was thinking the same thing. Great minds think a like.

I looked around the store and towards the front door hoping to see her walking this way but no such luck.

"I don't know."

**Spencers POV **

I've been waiting here in this house waiting for Jason to show up because I needed to head over to the coffee shop to get to Ashley but he hasn't showed up and it's really start to get to me.

"Screw this I'm leaving. He didn't show up on time so there's no need for me to stay here either." I grabbed my bag and was heading out the door when I hear his voice.

"Babe." He did not just go there and think that I wanted him to greet me like that anymore. I was not his babe and I didn't want him to think he still was.

"It's Spencer. Not, "babe"."

"Whatever you say sweet cheeks." Asshole. That's his new name. I'm sure Ashley would agree with me. Shit, Ashley. I told her that I would meet her when I got out of work but instead I've been sitting here waiting for Jason to come and get his shit. He better hurry the hell up because I want to get the hell out of here.

"What did you leave behind?" I got out of the way of the door so he could get his stuff and he walked in like he owned the place. I hated how arrogant he seemed with me. It pissed me off so much to have him think that he was the shit when in all reality he was crap to me. How I was with him for so long was beyond me. Oh wait it was because of my mother. She loved this guy and wanted me to keep everything going with him but I had other plans. Like spending my life with Ashley.

Yep, that sounds much better to me.

"You know exactly what I left behind." I hated when he played games with me. I was not in the mood.

"You need to hurry up and get your stuff and go Jason. I need to be somewhere and you've already made me late." Jason came walking up to me and I stood there hoping he wouldn't get any closer.

"I came back to get you." Here we go. I looked at him with a, 'what the fuck' look.

"What the hell are you talking about Jason? We are done and I don't know if you know this but I have a girlfriend." Jason stood there looking at me like he had just been slapped and I wanted to do it physically but this would do for right now.

"It's with that bitch isn't it?" Jasons face grew angry and I knew that he was burning up inside. That's how he always acted with me when we would get into arguments. Good thing he never hit me though because than that would of sucked even more.

"She's not a bitch Jason! She's a better person than you ever were to me." Jason went pacing back and forth. Maybe those are the wrong words to say to him while we are both here in my place alone. I need to get out and leave because all I was doing was making things worse with Jason and with Ash. She's been waiting for me for a few hours already.

Jason stood there looking at me as if he wanted to slap me.

"Why did things change between us? How the hell could you fall for a girl? A GIRL! You like guys or did you forget that?"

"You know what! You can get out of my place and you can also go to hell! I thought that maybe we could be friends in the future but I can tell that it's never going to happen between us. So fuck off Jason because I don't give a shit if we ever become friends." Jason looked at me with his jaw hanging to the floor and I was completely happy that I stuck up for myself and told him to go to hell. Jason walked right pass me and out the door. I watched him walk to his car and I went straight for mine. I looked down at my watch and I knew that I was beyond late to meet up with Ashley. I just hope that she is there still so I can explain everything.

xoxo

I walked through the coffee shop and I look towards the counter and I don't see her. Please tell me that I didn't make her mad. Aiden comes walking out from the back and he spots me out. Just his face expression tells me that he knew that Ash was mad and I was in trouble.

"You're too late." What does that mean?

"What do you mean? I know I'm late but stupid ass Jason wouldn't leave the apartment." Aiden looked straight in my eye and shook his head. Why was he being like this with me? It's not as if I invited the guy over myself. I hated the fool.

"She waited here for you Spencer. She wanted you to go with her to her parent's to get her stuff but you lagged on her to be with your boyfriend."

"HE"S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!" I was pissed. How the hell could he say something like that to me?

"I know that I should of called and told her that I was going to be late but I seriously didn't think that the asshole would take as long as he did. I tried my hardest to get out of there on time but he wouldn't leave. Where is she?" I wanted Ash and I needed to be with her.

"Her parent's house. If she hasn't left yet." I felt like crap and I knew that I had to get over there to explain everything. I didn't want her to think that I didn't want to be there for her because I wanted nothing more than to be there as she went through this. She means the world to me and I would do anything to make sure that she was smiling whenever we were together. I love her.

**Ashleys POV **

I've been sitting on this floor looking at all of the boxes that has all of my stuff in them. She literally just threw all my stuff that I left behind into boxes and didn't give a shit if it meant anything to me. I hated that she hated me so much. I should hate her. In fact I know that I hate her in some form of the word. Than there's that part of me that tell's me that she is my mother and no matter what you should love her.

Who the hell said that?

Why wasn't Spencer at the coffee shop like she said she would be? I waited there for three hours because she told me that she would come here with me and help through all of this. She know's how much this hurts but I guess she ain't caring as much.

I shouldn't say that. I mean something bad could of happened. Anything could of happened and here I am being a self concieted person who think's the world revolves around her. I guess I couldn't get the thought that Spencer didn't show when she said she would show.

"Do you hate me?"

Her voice was so soft and I could feel it tickle the back of my neck as I sat there looking through a box of my stuff. I closed my eyes and I wanted to be mad. Shit I wanted to be really mad.

"I could never hate you. I only love you."

"Than are you upset with me?" Good question. I stood up from the floor and turned around to see her standing there looking at me with a sad face. That was so unfair. She knew how much it killed me to see her like that.

"What happened?" I wasn't going to say anything. I was going to let her tell me what had happened. I watched her stand there for a second contemplating whether or not she wanted to tell me. Why was she stalling?

"Jason came out and said that he left some things behind at the apartment so I told him to hurry and pick them up so I wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. Well he ended up late and I sat there waiting for him and right when I was about to head over and meet you he finally shows up. I tried to get him to hurry but all he kept on doing was stalling me." I think she just said all of that under a minute.

"What did he leave behind?" I wasn't yelling. I was being calm and cool about this. Well at least I was trying to be all of those things. Inside I wanted to yell. I wanted to be pissed off that she would ditch me for her ex-fiance.

Once again she went silent and I knew that it had to be something stupid or something that was going to get me more upset than what I was feeling inside.

"He just came up with saying he left something there. He tried to convince me to take him back." The tears rose to my eyes and I was hurt. Not that Spencer took him back or anything. The thought that she was once with this guy and very much in love with him. He was rich. He was good looking. Who wouldn't want to be with someone like that?

Spencer came right up to me and I backed away from her. She took that hard because she also got tears in her eyes and I didn't mean to make her cry but at the moment I was thinking of me. I was thinking that I was hurting and nothing else mattered. I know that this wasn't her fault but I was not in the mood to deal with this and with my parents.

"Please don't be like this Ash." I wiped the tears away and went back to going through my stuff.

"I'm not being like anything Spencer. I just want to be by myself right now." I waited to hear a responce from her but when I turned around she was gone. Yes I asked her to leave me alone, but part of me was hoping that she would stay.

Wishful thinking I guess.

xoxo

I laid in my bed that night thinking of Spencer and wondering what she was doing. Wondering how she was feeling. I never could just stop thinking of others feelings and just think of me. I couldn't help it though because I loved her. Yes we've had our ups and downs but she means everything to me that I wouldn't have it any other way. Spencer Carlin is my life and I wanted her to forever to be in it.

I grabbed my cell phone off of my pillow and sat up in bed getting ready to call her when my phone goes off.

Spencer.

Was she thinking of me as well?

"Hello." I cleared my throat trying to sound like I wasn't crying.

"Are you crying?" Way to go Ashley. Try to be suddle about it but we both know that she was going to hear it in your voice once you picked up that phone.

"I'm fine Spencer." Yes lie, because that has gotten me far before.

"Because I was crying too." For a second there my heart was gripped tight and I couldn't breath. She sure knew how to get to a girl.

"Please don't cry Spence. I hate knowing that you were crying. I hate it so much. You mean everything to me."

Here it comes.

"I love you with everything in my heart and I don't ever want to lose you. I'm sorry that I was upset earlier but I was hurt. I was hurt knowing that in a second you could change your mind about me and go back to that jerk. I would be devistated if that ever happened." I stopped talking because tears came to my eyes and I could no longer speak as I thought of her being with him.

"Ash. Baby please stop. I would never go back to him. No matter what. You mean everything to me too but we both know that anything could happen and we wouldn't be together. Not saying that we aren't going to be together I just mean in all reality." She was right. Anything could happen and we wouldn't expect it to happen but it could. Spencer was being honest with me and I needed that. I needed to hear her reassurance about what was going to happen with us. I had to hear it from her to believe it all.

Like how in the begining I never expected to be with Spencer. I thought that my opportunity to be with this amazing woman would be off limits but than the stars changed and I got my chance to be with her. Does that sound lame? Well I don't care because I love her. Shit she fell in love with me too and I'm extremely lucky for that as well.

It was quiet between the both of us and I laid there thinking of this beautiful blonde that I was completely and utterly in love with. How could someone take your breath away like that? How could it go from dreaming to a reality?

"I love you Spencer Carlin." I smiled at the words that came from my mouth.

"I love you Ashley Davies."

**(A/N: So that is the last of that chpt. Yes i know ive been a slacker...when ur in the mood to write than u are but when u aint than its the hardest thing to get over lol. writers out there u know exactly wat i mean. Well im finishing up the finale chpt now and ill try to have it out soon LOL. Thanks for reading still...well u know wat to do...LEAVE THE LOVE**!)


	30. Chapter 30

**Over a year and it is finally done LOL. Wow I think i took the longest on this one than all of them put together. That's kind of sad if u ask me. well here it is. The last chpt. Enjoy. **

**Spencers POV **

I was tired. I stayed on the phone with Ash for most of the night. I was going to stay on the phone with her but she made me get off and get some real sleep. She was so cute. She takes care of me so well. In more ways than one but we won't go into that right now. Right now I am getting ready so I can go and have breakfast with my beautiful girlfriend.

xoxo

I showed up on Ashley porch as soon as I was able to get there. I grabbed us some muffins at the Cafe by my house with some coffee and I went straight over there. Not being able to be in her arms yesterday and everything that happened totally got to me so I was missing her like crazy.

Can you feel that way about someone after a short time? I feel like I'm taking this fast but right now I don't want to slow us down. She's everything to me and no one can take that away from me.

Aiden opened the door and I walked in with breakfast and he looked like he was hurt.

"What! No muffin's for me?" I smiled and kept on walking towards Ashleys room. I wasn't there to see him. I was there to see my girlfriend and spend as much time as I could with her.

"Baby?" I walked in looking around for her and there she stood in front of the mirror looking so beautiful. Her smile warmed my heart up completely and I wanted to capture that moment. How does she do that to me? How does she make me fall for her all over again with just that smile of hers?

"It's about time. I so needed some coffee." Ashley walked over to me and grabbed the coffee from my hands and started to walk back to the mirror. I stood there with my mouth dropped to the ground and she turned right back around with a smile on her face.

"Gotcha." Ashley grabbed the stuff from my hands and came right to me with her hands stretched out and than wrapped those gorgeous arms around me. I squeezed her tight in my arms. Smelling her very scent hyponotizing me just like she did everytime she was in my arms.

"I missed you do much babe." I whispered in her ear as I held her close to me.

"God I missed you to. More than you know." Ashley said as she slowly moved away from me as I stood there smiling from ear to ear looking at her fix her hair in the mirror. As if there was something wrong with her. There was definitely nothing wrong with her.

"What are we doing today baby?" I asked her as I sat down on the bed.

I saw her face expression in the mirror and I knew that it had to do with something about her parents. I don't know why but I knew that it did.

"I have to say goodbye."

**Ashleys POV **

I sat in the car with Spencer holding my hand as I waited to see when my parents would be leaving. I'm sure that my parents would be wondering why I was there to see them off. Well correction, my mom would be wondering why I was there to see them off. Dad would know why I was there.

"How are you doing?" I pushed out of my thoughts and I felt her squeeze my hand. I looked over at her and I gave her a small smile.

"I could be better. How are you holding up?" I wanted to make sure that she was ok with sitting here with me.

She sat there smiling at me and I had the best feeling inside of me. I loved how she made me feel so good about myself. How did I get so lucky to have this beautiful woman in my life?

"Im good, if your good?" Damn I loved her.

"As long as your here with me than I can be no worse." I looked at her hand squeeze mine and than I heard the front door to the house slm shut. I looked up to see my my dad and my mom walking over towards the car. Here goes nothing.

"What are you doing here?" Of course mom would start off asking why I was here when obviously they were about to take off and no matter what I was going to miss the both of them. Couldn't she be civil for a moment and just give a shit.

I got out of the car and stood there in front of both of them. Spencer stayed in the car but I know that she was right by myself.

"I wanted to come and say goodbye." I looked down to the ground and than back up at my parents. My mom didn't make an attempt to come hug me but my dad walked in front of her and hugged me tight. I felt safe in his arms even though he didn't do much when mom kicked me out of the house.

Ya, let's not think about that right now because I'll only get more upset. Kind of don't need that at the moment.

"We will miss you too." I knew he would but for my mother, that was another story.

"When we get settled you need to come and visit us and see how California is. Maybe you can move back with us when you graduate here." My dad had a smile on his face and I loved how he tried to stay positive about things. I wish I took that traite from him. Instead I got the negative attitude I from her. Aren't I lucky.

"We will see dad. I just wanted to say have a safe trip and call me when you get out there. I want to hear all about it ok."

"Will do baby. Take care of yourself and your girlfriend." Dad looked over towards the car and waved at Spencer. Of course because of that action mom got upset and walked over to her car. She couldn't even say bye to me. She wouldn't say anything to me. That was hurting a lot. I mean I know she can't stand me but I was her blood. She freaking had me and now she was pretty much treating me like I don't exist to her.

"Don't worry. She will miss you. She may not show it, but she misses you. We both miss you. Please think about the offer to California a little more ok Ashley. I would really love to have you there with us." I smiled at dads attempt to make me feel better about the situation.

"I promise I will give it some thought." Dad gave me one last hug and than walked over to their car as I stood there thinking about everything. I waved at them as they drove away. A few seconds later Spencer was right next to me as I watched the car drive down the road as I thought about the whole year.

I started out in a family that went rule by rule and I pretty much followed them. I never thought that I would go from having all my family to having none of my family in just a flash. I went from being popular at school to be almost the outcast. All because I got outted by my ex-bestfriend and now I'm dealing with the out come. Don't get me wrong I don't regret anything, in fact I even thanked Madison for doing what she did because I don't know if I would of had the guts to do it on my own.

"I love you." All my thoughts were pushed aside and I was standing there with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart.

"I love you too."

**(A/N:So here is the last chpt. Of course it took longer than usual but I've been that alot this past year hahaha. Sad I know. But i'm thinking of new stories and seeing if I want to continue. Any input on whether or not I should stop at this one or keep on writing??? well I hope u liked the story all in all. You know wat to do. LEAVE THE LOVE :)**


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